Project 1999 - A Proposal to help the staff

Make me a GM and I will handle all raid disputes. I can maybe do this as a guide if guides can turn on pvp flags (this is very important cause it will make it easier for me to screw with people). I think guides can change names already. I will need to be able to change Guild names and, if possible, change guild affiliation.

Here is why I should be a GM.

First, I won't be fair. I will be heavily biased. Not towards any particular guild, exactly, but I will be easily influenced because I'm greedy AND selfish. Tits on webcam, even a hairy man chest, will certainly get you dibs on a spawn. It's possible some sort of in-game symbol boobs would work as well ( o )( o ) ---oh yea... Yea, I'm already spawning trakanon IF YOU kNOW WHAT I MEAN.

Second, I need something to do on weekends. I work nights, so friday/saturday I'm up late. I kind of got bored of playing here cause I lost interest when I saw the condition of end-game raiding. Maybe velious will lure me back, but I'm sitting at 30-35 or somewhere. It's been months since I logged in past the character selection selection screen. I'm thinking of logging in today, but that will probably pass once I get high. I suffer from a deep depression and hate everything.

Anyway, I get bored at night. I'd like nothing more than to run around at GM speed and ban people and shit. I was an Adviser in Anarchy Online. I liked to port people to the GM only area to unstick them. I'd always say "oops, wrong hotkey" but that was a lie. Funcom would hold these Adviser-only events that were awesome. They let you buff up a toon to max level and get gazillions of credits for buying weapons/augs at these kiosks and have pvp battles, though I dont recall pvp ever happening. Badly organized -- I was gonna use a cheat to have two characters logged in at once to transfer all those credits to my play character, but it was enough to know I could. one time I randomly ported someone to the GM area and back without a word. He was talking about it in chat and people were calling him a liar. I then interrogated him on it, suspecting there was some hacker. He really enjoyed it. I tipped my hand by porting him back, though. I think I returned him to where he was, but don't remember. I resigned shortly after, like immediately. That game was laggy as fuck.

Yea, so I rambled, but I'd just be waiting to punish people. If I caught a 2 boxer, and all duos are 2 boxers, I'd turn them into rangers. If they were rangers, I'd Just leave em alone. Let them waste their time. Without EQ/AM3 rangers are just silly. I know, my main was a ranger in regular EQ. I wasn't a waste though, cause I was tops at CC, no one is skilled like me. One time my guildleader sent me a tell with a smiley face cause I CC'd the mobs on inny (PoT) so fast. On spawn. That how I roll. I know, your jealous. That's normal.

Third, I will take all the raid petitions. All of them. I can take all that headache away. I'm very knowledgable on EQ raids except new stuff and VP and Sleepers, but VP isn't in and fuck, how knowledgable do you need to be to turn people into ogres and spawn 10 statues of rallos zek on whiney guilds? Not very I'd imagine.

Fifth, I'm always right. Always. There would never be a complaint on my judgements. Likely cause id have already banned everyone who would have reason to complain, but trust me that was the right decision.

Me for GM 2011.

I can work holidays, btw. No one loves me so I just eat wawa turkey gobblers and smoke weed all day.

This is a serious request that is too awesome for the petition forum.