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#1
02-15-2017, 07:07 PM
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Sip Sip Hooray: A Rogue's Tale, by Department of Fun
Sip Sip Hooray A Rogue's Tale By Department of Fun Chapter 1: In which our tale begins. It wasn't every day you saw adventurers actually using the bars in town. They were normally out killing things or admiring themselves in the mirror. That's why it was quite the surprise for Hendricks to run into the infamous Mashiara, one of the many adventurers who normally didn't bother entering the city. She had come in ready for some heavy drinking, judging by the size of the stein in her hand. [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] Look at that mug. It's like the size of her head. "What brings you here?" asked Hendricks. "I'm tired and bored and annoyed with adventuring," replied Mashiara. "The stuff we get is barely worth a thing to merchants, the people with the most influence are all crazy, and I'm sick of organizing the sane ones. What, can't a girl drink in peace? Do I gotta get FTE on the beer here, too? Is someone going to lawyerquest loot rights with me over the elven wine?" "I was only curious," said Hendricks, whose eyes had glazed over at some point during the rant. "Usually the only stranger we get is a bard who likes dancing shirtless on the tables. He's not what you'd call normal, though." This sounded like something Mashiara would have enjoyed after another beer. "Is he around?" "Try Heartwood Tavern," Hendricks said. "Thanks, I will," Mashiara said, and left with a bare minimum of weaving. Shockingly, she managed to avoid falling off the city and entered the Heartwood Tavern. There, she found just what she was looking for. [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] It's remarkable how often I walk into a building and find Aalderon shirtless inside. Almost like he plans it. He introduced himself as Aalderon Crystafire and said yes, Mashiara could feel his biceps. Given that she had not asked to do this and in fact didn't really want to since she was engaged to someone else, she declined. [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] That moment when you're wondering if there's a hidden camera somewhere and he's pranking you... "Is this a hobby for you or something?" she asked. Another two swigs and she would be up on that table with him, she knew. There was just something irresistible about a surface meant for serving food and drinks. "A hobby? You misunderstand. This is my occupation!" Aalderon did a quick jig and gave her a winning smile. "Right, the whole bard thing. I meant the lack of a real shirt," she said. "Can you not afford one?" "I do have a real shirt," he said. "I just find not having one is relaxing. You look like you could do with some relaxing, too. How about it?" She had no idea what he was implying, but she did agree that she needed to have a little fun. "Talk to me in another beer," she said. [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] I'm not sure she actually waited that long. "Hey," she said in between wild dancing and drinking. Her alcohol tolerance was high enough that she wasn't at the slurring stage yet, but she was definitely getting there. "Where'd the wolf come from?" Aalderon's answer was as mysterious as the animal itself. "Nature." She had no idea what he was talking about, but she just decided to roll with it because that was how she went through life anyway. "Maybe it's thirsty," she suggested. [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] PSA: Do not give beer to wolves. "Here, wolfy wolf!" she called. Her aim was surprisingly good considering how drunk she was. They were promptly kicked out for feeding wild animals. "Let's go find another bar," said Aalderon. They roamed around the city, seeking out taverns. Some were rejected for superficial reasons. [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] He has high standards. Others preemptively kicked them out, not only because Mashiara was singing off-key and off-color songs about sailors while Aalderon told her she was tone-deaf and ought to be arrested, but because the wolf was following them. [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] This bar is definitely not FDA-approved. It was understandable why the taverns didn't want the wolf there. Things quickly got out of hand in the one bar that allowed it inside, so quickly that soon only one traumatized bartender was left to serve them and all the regular patrons had exited the building. Wolves, as it turned out, did not naturally come with high alcohol tolerance. [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] Repeat: Do not feed beer to wolves. "Mashiara," said Aalderon. "I think it's time." "Time for what?" she asked. "Time to head to another city," he said, moments before he was dragged away by one of the guards. His crime? Something about harassing a merchant over tarnished bastard swords...anyway, someone came by to arrest the wolf as well for being a public nuisance, leaving Mashiara all by her lonesome. "Time for another drink," she decided once the dust had settled. "Sip sip hooray!" To be continued...
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#2
02-15-2017, 07:21 PM
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Last edited by ZiggyTheMuss; 02-15-2017 at 07:24 PM..
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#8
02-24-2017, 02:51 PM
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i like that we're starting to get RP about sitting around bored in Kelethin
This is a subtle strain of culture developed from the frustrated casual masses of p99. it will not appeal to everyone, or even most. but keep going sorn! | ||
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#9
02-24-2017, 04:52 PM
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Chapter 2: Kaladim Mashiara took the beleaguered bard's advice to heart and drunkenly wove her way to Kaladim. [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] The dwarves aren't dead, they're just sleeping off the midday binge. The guards were so used to drunk dwarves running into town that they didn't give her a second glance. To be fair, her level of inebriation actually counted as sober in Kaladim. [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] Pub Kal is not FDA-approved either. What the dwarves didn't realize is that wood elves, who usually stick with lighter fare like elven wine (which is made up of magic, fairy dust, and Tolkien-esque plot devices) don't have the same booze-processing power liver as they did. Mashiara soon found herself floating in a sea of liquor-fueled regret, bitterness, and random public displays of unwanted affection. [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] We're not sure who she's pointing at. There's only more booze in that corner. "I'm a failure!" sobbed she to the highly uncomfortable bartender. "Everyone else poopsocks for years but I can only handle a few months! What happened to me? I'll never get a fungi and get into FTE footraces at this rate!" "Why'd ye have to be a miserable drunk?" groaned the bartender. "Go away! Go dance on tables or something." "That was so last chapter," said Mashiara, but decided this was a better idea than whining. [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] It's the muffin man! [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] Suddenly, a voice boomed from down the hall. "MASHIARA!" She was being summoned! And by the king, no less! [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] Since it was 4am, the king was wearing his pajamas. Mashiara didn't know too much about royalty, given that wood elves were a democratic society, but she knew enough to know she had to be very respectful. "Your Majesty," she said, kneeling. Was that Aalderon in the corner? The traitor! "Mashiara o' Kelethin," said the king of dwarves, a grave expression on his face. "Yer welcome enough in our fair city o' Kaladim, but I think it best you be off to another locale to sample their brews. The guards be gettin' a bit riled up, as it were, when they found you dancin' on the dinner table." "O' course--I mean of course, Your Majesty," said Mashiara, shooting a discreet glare in Aalderon's direction. His face could have won him a game of poker right at that moment. "You have my deepest apologies. I didn't mean to cause any trouble." "Nae I'm not one to get in the way of merry-makin', lass," said the king. "The Seafarer's Roost in Freeport ought ta be worth a look, if'n yer goin' out that way." She didn't quite know how to respond. Seemingly betrayed by her drinking buddy and kicked out of Kaladim with a bar recommendation? Sip sip hooray! MEANWHILE... Tadhg Stormbreaker, an adventurer of slightly less ill repute than either Aalderon or Mashiara, was on his way home after a hard day's work power-leveling random wood elves when he came across the aftermath of the previous chapter. [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] This is why you don't give booze to wolves. "Oh no! One of Tunare's precious wolves, dead of alcohol poisoning! Who could have done this? I thought Aalderon was in Qeynos!" [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] Unlike the dwarves, this wolf is definitely dead. "You must track down the hooligan responsible for this," said Heartwood Master after a thorough inspection of the unfortunate animal. Tadhg, equally grave, said, "But I'm a druid. My track is terrible." "Believe in yourself," replied Heartwood Master. "Also, all our rangers are out trying to make wigs for Ping Fuzzlecutter right now, so you'll just have to do. In the meantime, we'll lay our friend here to rest." [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] RIP Drunkey To be continued (whether you like it or not!)...
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#10
02-24-2017, 05:29 PM
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5 stars [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]
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No longer active, thank you for the years of fun. No alt account and I do not post on the P99 forums. Told this to Rogean, Nilbog & Menden. | |||
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