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View Full Version : Holly Windstalker is a Neurotic Bitch


captnamazing
09-15-2015, 05:27 PM
http://i.imgur.com/NmObyPp.png

http://i.imgur.com/Pm5OwMS.png

"Holly Windstalker is a neurotic bitch," Larsk Juton tells me. He looks around anxiously. "She's not here right now, right?"

"She and I dated for a while. Never get involved with your students. I learned my lesson, all right."

After that, Larsk wouldn't say much more. Something about the Ranger code of ethics, how they can't talk about the inner workings of their guild. But, I know a thing or two about getting information, and after a weekend spent getting rowdy in the Qeynos brothel, Larsk spills the beans.

"Don't get me wrong," Larsk says. His lips are wet with bourbon and there are drops of spit staining his shirt. "Most rangers are into it. Fucking animals, I mean. Karana knows I've had my fun with some centaurs. Right? RIGHT?!" He roars with laughter, slapping my knee.

"Well, after she and I started having issues, I noticed she hung out a lot with Mammoth. The big ass bear, you know. I guess they started doing a little more than 'hanging out." Larsk blinks. "Me and the other Masters had a little chat. Decide that it's inappropriate. So we give her the boot. Tell her to go on a Long Hunt, meaning don't show your stupid bear-loving face here for three years."

"I'm not proud of it," Larsk admits, "but I ended up tracking her out into Qeynos Hills. I guess I sort of loved her. You know. Definitely jealous. Pretty quick I roll up on her camp, and there she is, fucking another bear. Just some random bear from the forest. I put a few arrows into its side and the bear dies, and Holly climbs up from under the corpse and comes at me, totally naked, starts trying to cut me with her two fucking swords, calling me all sorts of names and shit. Fucking bitch. I snared her and ran back to Surefall Glade. Never saw her again. Hopefully she gets raped to death by some gnolls. Or something."

I leave Larsk passed out in a pool of vomit. I have no sympathy for a centaur-fucker. On my way back to Rivervale I'm going to make sure to kill a couple bears.

Oleris
09-15-2015, 05:38 PM
that red haired bitch

Feanol
09-15-2015, 05:40 PM
I leave Larsk passed out in a pool of vomit.

You are a wordsmith of exceptional quality.

If we ever meet in-game, there shall be an RP Battle. It's sort of like a Rap Battle except no one has a gun and nothing rhymes.

indiscriminate_hater
09-15-2015, 06:11 PM
8/10 would plow

Kekephee
09-15-2015, 07:19 PM
"Hey Larsk," I say, "you know what they say about the crazy ones bei-"
"No," he interrupts me. "No. Don't. It's not worth it."

Issar
09-15-2015, 09:50 PM
So do we really consider centaurs animals? I mean it seems a little insensitive. Doesnt it? We don't even consider Trolls or Iksar as animals and they're way more haggard than a centaur. Centaur rights, 2015!

Sirken
09-15-2015, 09:55 PM
sounds both classic and accurate imo.

my very first character was a human SK, i got up to level 4 and ventured to the Qeynos Hills. i played on a PvP teams server, so i was not afraid of other humans. i saw a human lady and ran up to her, and she saw me and ran towards me and right when i thought we'd embrace, she murdered me. and then she corpse camped me. i rerolled an Erudite Mage.

GG Holly

Eliseus
09-15-2015, 11:35 PM
Reading your threads makes me want to play Everquest again.

Sillyturtle
09-15-2015, 11:42 PM
I don't know who you are sir, but this story was hilarious. Very much enjoyed it.

9/10.

Would have been a 10, but it needed a twist. Like him joining in or something. M. Night Shyamalan and shit.

Kemadin
09-15-2015, 11:45 PM
http://mrwgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Thumbs-Up-Asian-Approves-MRW.gif

Messie
09-16-2015, 12:15 AM
Filbus, this is great. It had a Bukowski writing style vibe and it works GREAT.

JayN
09-16-2015, 12:33 AM
embrace the mace
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/03/25/03/26F6D42D00000578-0-image-a-52_1427254871387.jpg
fanfic bestiality

JDFriend99
09-16-2015, 12:48 AM
I literally sat about 2hrs and read your posts and kekephee's about random things in everquest turned into comedic stories of genius.

The last one i read was about dialaport the barbarian that was slaughtered to make a statement... you guys need to write a book worth of this stuff and publish it please.:D

captnamazing
09-16-2015, 01:02 PM
Reading your threads makes me want to play Everquest again.

funny - writing these removes my desire to play 8)

Thanks for all the love everyone. If there's something you want to have written about, let me know... Looking for new CASES

sacman08
09-16-2015, 01:10 PM
Holly! Geez I was just petting the wolf! Why did you attack me!

Sadad
09-16-2015, 10:59 PM
Luv u filb

Voland
09-17-2015, 01:22 AM
funny - writing these removes my desire to play 8)

Thanks for all the love everyone. If there's something you want to have written about, let me know... Looking for new CASES

I am interested in the story of Ping Fuzzlecutter: for some reason he is amiable to evil classes, so he could be more than a merchant. Also, the fact that his super drink doesn't last any longer than a water flask, deserves investigation from the Freeport Trade Commission.

Also, Isabella in High Keep, why does he say that "she adores this place" and then says that she's "got to get out of here". Is she bipolar? Does she have a twin?