Spyder73
01-25-2016, 06:57 PM
The Lost Adventures of Tekilya Wu'Tang (and Filbus Furyfoot)
The End Times - Final Draft
PROLOUGE
Sweat glistening on his brow, the applicant stared at the ground in silence. His quivering hands were bound with duct tape, his face ravaged with bruises.
A bucket of urine sloshed into his face.
Muthai was walking in circles around him now.
“Answer the question peasant!!!”
“I don’t know Sir” replied the app.
A second bucket of urine sloshed into his face.
“ANSWER THE QUESTION CUCK” Muhthai roared
All at once the app broke into tears.
“I had to use the rest room, I was only gone for a minute, its was an honest mistake! I had been tracking nonstop for 13 hours, I swear it will never happen again”
“You think that is an excuse for you losing the Empire a Dragon? A DRAGON?" Happyhealz lowered his head into his hands to compose himself.
"Do you know what the problem is with your kind? You have no sense of loyalty, no sense of respect. How are we supposed to dominate the server and wake the sleeper without Vulak loot? Hrmm? “ he slapped the app across the face. “ANSWER ME!”
“I know I let you down, i'm sorry, I couldn’t hold it anymore”
“THEN USE A SOCK LIKE THE REST OF US” Happyhealz screamed
Shaking his head, Happy walked over to the trunk and pulled out an item.
“You’re sorry are you? We can both agree on one thing at least, it most certainly will never happen again”
Happyhealz looked at the jumper cables in his hands and grimaced, “messy business indeed, but we cannot lose any more FTE’s to the rebel alliance. An example must be made...”
As Happyhealz connected the cables to app’s nipples, he gave a nod to Mutahi to hit the light switch.
Convulsing in pain, the applicant shrieked in agony as electricity coursed through his body, ravaging him to his very bones. As his hitpoints began to rapidly decrease, his screen darkened and "LOADING PLEASE WAIT..." appeared. He soiled himself one final time before his lifeless corpse ceased to convulse.
From the darkest corner in the room Hokushin rose from his throne, the image of his deformed face distorted behind shadows and the eye patch he had come to fancy.
“Very good Happy – The loot council is pleased - Exalt, drag to corpse to the moat”
Exalts childlike mind rumbled with glee at Hokushins command.
"Der der, yessum massa, Ima do et right now. Exalt gud at corpsing thangs." Exalt began to chant "/corpse, /corpse, /corpse, /corpse, /corpse"
Happyhealz fell to his knees, “thank you master”
With barely restrained contempt, Hoskushin turned his back on the two simpletons.
“The time is near, ready the device”
“at once Sensei” Happy replied
Atop his tower, Hokushin rubbed his hands together as he gazed with cold regard across the face of Norrath.
“Soon my friends, so very soon now….”
The Lost Adventures of Tekilya Wu'Tang (and Filbus Furyfoot)
The End Times: Chapter 1
Filbus Furyfoot, body servant to Tekilya Wu’Tang and the beautiful Florid Lotus, came waddling over with a huge grin on his face.
“Hey Tek! Let’s go get some lunch eh? Or maybe we can train some more!”
Filbus started kicking and karate chopping the air in imitation of Tekilya, doing his best to put on his war face as he attacked the invisible opponents all around him.
“I don't know Filbus, I’m starting to get worried about Florid, she hasn’t returned from Permafrost yet. She was only after was a Zharns Circlet to complete her Purple Headband quest, she should have returned days ago”
A knock at the door. Tekilya watched as a grotesque figure slithered inside. Sudden relief poured into Tekilya and he couldn’t help but smile when he saw who came in – Kekephee
“Ah, Keke, how goes the road dear messenger boy” Tekilya said mockingly.
Kekephee had been apprehended by the Freeport militia and was in a rehabilitation program due to the trouble he and Chest had caused in the Plane of Sky. BDA’s failed rebellion was still fresh on everyone’s mind.
“Bite me Monk, BDA will rise again one day! The world shall tremble in our….” Kekehee was suddenly cut off as the air in the room seemed to come alive. A bolt of lightning appeared from nowhere and shot into Kekephees skull, he soiled himself as he hit the ground.
“Careful now Kekephee, don’t forget” Tekilya said as he tapped a finger to the side of his head, “the Wizards guild is always watching.”
As a condition of Kekephees rehabilitation from the failed BDA takeover of Sky, he was ritually tattooed with runes so that he could be tracked and punished at will by the Wizards guild. Arch Magus Calias had overseen the proceeding personally.
“Yes yes, enough of that business, I have a letter for you” Kekephee said.
Tekilya opened the letter and began reading. He stood staring in silence for what seemed an eternity before Furyfoot thought to speak up.
“What is is Tek?” Filbus asked, barely able to constrain his excitement. “Is it from Master Wu? Do we get to go to Freeport again?”
“No, its not from Master Wu” Tekilya replied. “Filbus stay here and watch Siza and Bolloxxs, I need to go get Florid”
“Awww, why can’t I come Teky?” Filbus asked, obvious disappointed.
“She has discovered something in Permafrost and needs my help. A machine of some kind…”
MEANWHILE IN EVERFROST…..
Happyhealz stood in line with the other applicants as Muthai walked to inspect the ranks. Happy had been demoted from the Heal Chain after a wipe earlier in the week. He was now relegated to buff-bot duty with the other apps until he could redeem himself in Sensei Hoskushin’s eyes.
“Where do we stand for the week” Hoskushin asked to no one in particular, his officers all assembled behind him.
“We lost Cazic Thule, Vyemm, LTK, Vula…”
“DO NOT SPEAK TO ME OF VULAK” Hokushin hissed.
The officers fell silent.
“The time is at hand and my body is ready. Never again shall we lose an FTE to the rebel alliance”
The Rampage officers stared on in horror as Hoku loaded himself into a monsterous machine. As the hand and feet restraints clasped shut, Hokushin closed his eyes and smiled.
“With this device, I shall infuse my body with mechanical properties and gain the reflexes of 100 men”
Snoozberry looked at a crate near the machine – a box labeled “Autofire software” lay discarded.
“Excuse me Sensei” Snoozbeery said, “ I have heard that this type of technology is dangerous. Emperor Rogean strictly forbids us from infusing our senses with 3rd party programs. He will send Warlord Sirken to slaughter us all!”
Hokushin opened his eyes and looked at Snoozberry. He held his gaze on Snooz for several moments before looking over at Muthai and then closing his eyes again.
Like a viper in the night Mutahi attacked, snatching an eye from Snoozberrys face. Snoozberry screamed in agony as he flailed about the room.
“Any more objections?” Hokushin calmly asked. No one spoke.
“Very good. EXALT! Start the machine”
“Der der der, yessum massa” Exalt squealed as he flipped the machine on.
As the machine started grinding Hoksushin's flesh away and replacing it with machinery, all anyone could hear were screams of pure agony. But as time went on, those screams became laughter, uncontrollable maniacal laughter.
Florid Lotus had climbed the outside of the tower and now looked on from her vantage point on a window ledge. She had seen the army assembling and sent for Tekilya days ago, but now she knew the threat was all too real. Cyborg monks with machine like reflexes were coming to Norrath, who knew what the future would hold for them.
Suddenly she was falling. What had happened? As the ground rushed forward to meet her, Samila cackled from the shadows of the tower as he rushed to inform the Rampage officers of the intruder.
Darkness took Floid Lotus's mind....
The Lost Adventures of Tekilya Wu'Tang (and Filbus Furyfoot)
The End Times: Chapter 2
Looking at the tower on the shores of the River Halas, Tekilya looked on in horror as Florid fell from the ruins of the keep.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” He screamed
As Tek approached the keep, he noticed a rogue lurking in the shadows
“Ah, come to save the day have you?” Samila said with a wry grin
“Stand aside turncoat, this has nothing to do with you” Tek replied
“You will not take her from me again” Samila calmly said
Samila throws off his cloak.
Tekilya “Your anger and your lust for power have already done that, she left you long ago”
Tekilya flings off his cloak.
“You have allowed this Dark Lord to twist your mind until now . . . until now you have become the very thing you swore to destroy Sam.”
They circle each other until Tekilya is near the unconscious body of Florid. He places his hand on her.
Samila “Don't lecture me, Tek. I see through the lies of Asgard. I do not fear pixels as you do. I have brought peace, justice, freedom, and security to my new Empire.”
Tek “YOUR new Empire?”
Samila “Don't make me kill you.”
Tek “Samila, my allegiance is to Asgard ... to democracy.”
Samila “If you're not with me, you're my enemy.”
Tek “Only a Cuck Lord deals in absolutes. I will do what I must.”
Tekilya ignites his Celestial Fists and readies himself for combat
Samila “You will try.”
Samila lashed out Tek, and they began a ferocious fight. They work their way towards the bank of the river. Sam kicks Tek and forces him to drop to a nearby piece of ice floating in the river beside them.
Filbus appears from somewhere behind Tekilya and rushes to the unconscious Florid to aid her. He had followed Tekilya despite his masters wishes for him to stay home and watch Siza and Bollokks.
As Tek and Sam continue fighting on the ice field, both spot something that causes them to pause - the icy river ahead drops off in a tremendous waterfall.
Snapping and cracking ice are heard as the main part of the glacier starts to break away and move toward the waterfall. Tek looks around and sees a small piece of the wreckage making its way toward the tower.
Tekilya does a double back-flip and lands squarely on the floating platform. He immediately leans to one side as the floating piece of ice moves towards the tower.
Samila realizes he is doomed as the entire structure he is on heads for the falls.
Tek heads for the bank of the river, but Sam is faster. He catches up with Tek.
Tek and Sam continue the fight. They battle away, balancing on the tiny platforms.
Tekilya “I have failed you, Sam. I was never able to teach you to think.”
Tek and Sam confront each other on the river of ice.
Sam “I should have known Asgard were plotting to take over . . . “
Tek “From Rampage!!! Samila, Sensei Hokushin is evil.”
Sam “From the Asgard point of view! From my point of view, Asgardians are evil.
Tek “Well, then you ARE lost!”
Sam “This is the end for you, Monk. I wish it were otherwise.”
Sam jumps and flips onto Tek's platform. The fighting continues again until Tek jumps toward the safety of the icy edge of the river. He yells at Sam.
Tek “It's over, Sam. I have the high ground.”
Sam “You underestimate my power!”
Tek “Don't try it.”
Sam follows, and Tek cuts uppercuts Sam in throat with his celestial fist of power, he then rips off Samila's left arm in the blink of an eye. Samila tumbles down the embankment and rolls to a stop near the edge of the river.
Samila struggles to pull himself up the embankment with his one arm. His thin leather glove has been shredded. He keeps sliding down in the icy bank.
Tekl “You were the Chosen One! It was said that you would destroy Rampage, not join them. It was you who would bring balance to our DKP system, not leave it in darkness with thousands of uncollected Dragon Coins.”
Tek picks up Anakin's Daggers and begins to walk away. He stops and looks back.
Sam “I HATE you!”
Tek “You were my brother, Samila. I loved you.”
Samila's clothing blows into the river and sinks. Suddenly Sam's body parts start to freeze and he starts screaming.
Tekilya makes his way over to Florid and Filbus
“How is she doing Fil?”
“I’m sorry Tekky, she is dead” Filbus said behind soggy eyes
Tekilya started at the ground, unable to accept what Filbus had told him.
“No” Tekilya replied. “There is an outcast Necromancer named Oleris that lives in this valley, his powers over the dead are unmatched, he can bring Florid back to life, we MUST find him Filbus”
And so Tekilya set out in search of Oleris the High Lich, Warlock of the Frozen Wastes, with Florid Lotus cradled in his arms as he walked the frozen tundra.
As Tekilya entered the haunted forest, he ran into an old friend – King Legday, Defender of the North and High Lord of Halas. And as fortune would have it, Legday knew just where to find Oleris…..
***Co-writer credit to George Lucas and Revenge of the Sith***
The Lost Adventures of Tekilya Wu'Tang (and Filbus Furyfoot)
The End Times: Chapter 3
Legday pulled his Wavecrasher lose from the goblins skull, his face red with gore and bloodlust bright in his eyes.
“Hail Tekilya, what brings you to my lands monk?”
Tekilya bowed
“Hail King Legday, I am in search of our old friend, the necromancer Oleris Deathpact.”
"You mean Oleris the Unclean" Legday corrected
He looked at the body in Teks hands and shook his head.
“Truly, I am sorry for your loss Tekilya, but Oleris is not the way”
As Legday handed his sword to his squire – Willfight - Filbus began to growl.
Tekilya looked down to see Filbus staring at Willfight with clenched fists.
“What are you doing Fil, stop it” Tek said as he kneed Filbus in the shoulder.
“That is Willfight Five’nine” Filbus growled, “he was one of the nastier Halflings in my village”.
“Now is not the time, stay on task” Tek whispered as he thumped Fil again.
“I understand your concern Legday, but this is my decision, not yours” Tekilya said
Legday stood studying Tek for a long moment before sighing
“Very well Tek, you and Florid have ever been friends of Halas, this I cannot deny. You will find that filthy necromancer in his cave to the north of here, but I warn you – Oleris is not how you remember him. The dark arts have twisted his mind" Legday hesitated, " I had to exile the little bastard”
“Oh?”
“Nothing could be proven definitively, but the children stopped disappearing after I removed him from the city” Legday glanced about as if looking for something in the air, then his face hardened, “you do the math”
"May the Spirit of the Wolf guide you Tek"
And with that Legday mounted his horse and rode off with his guards
If Tekilya would have taken notice, he would have seen the look in Filbus’s eyes, the unrestrained hatred that was burning a hole into the back of Willfights head.
But Tekilya did not notice, and so the two ventured north, to the den of the Oleris the Unclean.....
Meanwhile in Permafrost….
Hokushin stood as a statue upon the roof of his tower surveying his minions below. They looked like ants to him from this height
The monk was barely recognizable from his former self. His skin had been replaced with regenerative black-hued kevlar, his hands completely removed and melded with war hammers, and his right eye replaced with an optical laser beam. He no longer associated with the name Hokushin, he had even gone as far as to started docking DKP or Guild kicking anyone who used his old name. No, he was The Sensei, and the world would know his wrath.
The battle for FTE’s was coming back into balance after the transformation and everyone was taking notice. Gone were the days of Florid Lotus stealing enemies from his clutches, with this technology The Sensei was without equal.
“yes” he thought to himself “all my hard work is finally coming to fruition”.
His evolution was nearly complete, the final and most dangerous step taken – the splintering of his mind. The Sensei was now capable of operating multiple machines simultaneously, and the reanimated corpse of Happyhealz proved the perfect vessel.
The Sensei had cut Happyhealz down in a fit of rage after another debacle in the heal chain. As Exalt, his child-like mind never comprehending, was dragging Happyhealz corpse to the moat, Hokushin had instead had him loaded into The Machine.
Now The Sensei could be in 2 places at once, or even operate as a 2 man team all himself. But fragmenting his mind like this was not without consequence, part of him was now forever lost.
Operating two machines simultaneously was difficult work, even for one such as The Sensei. Often times officers would see Happyhealz parked in a corner, staring blankly at a wall, drool dripping from his mouth as his head slowly bobbed up and down. Other times it was clear that The Sensei had full control and Complete Heals came at a rate that the old Happy could have never managed.
The time was nearing, careful plans reaching boiling points. All that stood in his way now was that pathetic Barbarian and his army of ingrates. Well, they would rue the day that they stood in opposition of Hokushin....
The Lost Adventures of Tekilya Wu'Tang (and Filbus Furyfoot)
The End Times: Chapter 4
Tekilya walked into the cave of Oleris the Unclean with no fear in his mind or heart. Truth be told, his heart had stopped beating the second he saw Florid Lotus fall from the Tower of The Sensei. He was a shell of his former self with the love of his life dead in his hands, and he honestly did not know if he could continue on if this did not work. Oleris was his last chance. He would make this work, one way or the other.
If Tek had been capable of emotion at the time, he would have been stunned by the scene in the cave.
Oleris sat huddled on his alter, eyes close and in deep meditation. He was completely nude save for the deer antler helmet and cloak he had adorned. There were hundreds of dead animals in his room in various states of “completeness” from his taxidermy experiments. Oleris was obsessed with skin, he found it to be the most interesting part of any animal – human or otherwise. Rabbits, squirrels, mice, snakes, wolves, no manner of varmint was spared from Oleris and his obsession with stuffing creatures. But this obsession was not an obsession of death, rather it was a preservation of life. At least that is what Oleris had convinced his addled and twisted mind.
“Ah Tekilya, I have been expecting you” Oleris crooned as he opened his eyes to take measure of the intruder.
“Legday has finally sent assassins has he? Well, Oleris the Wise shall not be deceived! BEHOLD!”
As Oleris cast Lich Form, his skin disintegrated from his body and red flames blazed from his eye sockets. A demonic Scythe appear in his hands and he bellowed to the heavens a battle cry that seemed to shake the entire room.
“Enough with the theatrics Oleris, I need your help” Tek calmly replied
Immediately Oleris cast cancel magic on himself and returned to his disfigured nude form.
“Ah a social call, did you hear that Gibbins?” Oleris said as he cocked his head towards the stuffed rat hanging from his ceiling.
“You have lost your mind old friend” Tek said.
“To the contrary! I have reached levels of wisdom that scholars can only dream of, so close now to total enlightenment! Do you even comprehend the implication of this my monkey monk ally? Ah yes, MONKEYS, I need monkeys to add to my collection!!!
Oleris began to frantically inspect the animals scattered around his cave.
“Emerald Jungle? Hrmm, a dangerous place with the Mist about still…hrrmmm. Power there? Yes, but danger. Fear perhaps? Shiver-me-timbers no Shiverbacks, no no no, that will never do.
“OLERIS” Tek bellowed, and then he nodded to the corpse in his hands, tear flowing freely from his eyes. “I need your help”
Suddenly Oleris grew very still as he began to speak with startling clarity.
“I am always around, but never seen. I am often avoided, but you can't out run me. For I will come when you're old and grey, or maybe even the very next day. I will come with cold embrace, and give you rest with a chilled kiss on your face. I come in may forms of emotional state, whether it's irony, love, laughter, or hate. I am everyone's finale fate”
“Death” Tekilya whispered with a chill
“Very perceptive of you, yes yes yes, very perceptive indeed.” Oleris mumbled, obviously displeased with how quickly Tek had picked up on his riddle.
“I’ll do anything Oleris” Tek said as he stared at the body of Florid in his arms.
Cackling uncontrollably Oleris reached out a decrepit hand and said “Deal”
A bargain had been struck, and Florid Lotus rose to life once more.
As she recovered in Oleris’s cave and sipped tea, Tek and Oleris talked in the corner. Florid never found out exactly what price Tekilya had to pay for her soul to return to this plane of existence, but the look on Tekilya’s face would never be the same again from that day forward. Something deep within the monk had broken when he made the agreement, but it was the only way. In the years to come that’s what he would tell himself at least….”It was the only way”.
Meanwhile in Halas....
The belfry towers were clanging frantically as Barbarian soldiers lined the walls of the keep. Outside of Halas an army had assembled, and none other than Hokushin himself stood at the forefront. His metallic skin and laser eye glistening in the morning light, Hokushin used his robot voice to fill the entire valley.
“THE TIME HAS COME TO BOW TO YOUR SENSEI - HOW CAN YOU EVER HOPE TO DEFEAT ME? SURRENDER NOW AND I PROMISE SWIFT DEATHS FOR THE SOLDERS AND SLAVERY FOR YOUR WOMEN AND CHILDREN. OTHERWISE ALL SHALL FEEL MY RAMPAGE. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE”
King Legday stood with his soldiers examining the horde that had laid siege to Halas. Fear was palpable in the air.
“Maybe we should surrender” Legday said to Aziraphael, his second in command.
Moosejaw spit on the ground and shook his head.
“It is not the Asgardian way to surrender” Aziraphael said
“The city is lost, how can we hope to defeat a force such as this? What would you have me do? What you suggest is to have every last one of my people butchered by this madman”.
The sky suddenly darkened to black and lightning began to crackle as the winds began to shift. In the Skies above Everfrost a face took shape in the clouds. A voice of pure power and terror ripped from the sky as the face became more clear.
High Mage Calias – The Golden Son of Chardok, Leader of the Wizards Guild
“ASGARDIANS” the clouds roar, "UNITE". Lightning bolts reigned from the sky, smashing the landscape and setting fire to everything it touched. Figures appeared from the smoke of the lightning blast, and screaming with rage the Asgardian fleet rushed headlong into the face of Hokushins horde. They were porting in on the backs of the lightning bolts Hokushin realized with horror.
With every crack of lightning new Asgardians entered the fray, and the storm that was taking place could only be described as Epic.
The air excited with electricity as Calias, Pint, and a Dathan appeared next to Legday on the battlements of the fortress from a portal.
“Thought you could use some help” Pint said as he unsheathed his flaming sword.
Aziraphael looked at Legday and said “Florid alerted Tekilya of this weeks ago, and he in turn he alerted the Guild. We thought this may be necessary”
"Nevermind telling the KING" Legday screamed in annoyance.
Legdays eyes glazed over with bloodlust as he raised his Wavecrasher high over his head and ordered the gates opened.
Screaming in fury the Barbarians of Halas ran behind the spear point of the Asgardian host, directly into Hokushin's Horde.
Stunned into shock, Hokushin screamed his own battle cry as the first of the Asgardians drove into his ranks.
"YOU CAN NEVER HOPE TO COMPETE WITH ME! HOW DARE YO.." but Hokushin was cut off as an arrow flew into his laser eye, knocking him to the ground.
The battle rages…..
The Lost Adventures of Tekilya Wu'Tang (and Filbus Furyfoot)
The End Times: Chapter 4
Legday and Tekilya entered the canyon searching for The Sensei. When the Asgardian host had shattered the ranks of Hokushin’s horde, the evil robotic monk immediately retreated to the icy labyrinth that surrounds Halas. As Tek and Legday came to a bend in the path, they saw Hokushin standing in the center of a clearing, hatred burning bright in his lone eye.
Hokushin “So predictable. I knew you would come, and I see you brought the mighty Legday with you. His blood is mine, as is your whole misbegotten race!”
Hokushin’s laser eye began to glow and Legday fell to his knees, the pixel lust burning strong in veins.
Seeing this, Tekilya became enraged and ignited his Celestial Fists, launching an energy attack of focused will at The Sensei.
Hokushin easily blocked the attack with his Primal War Hammer.
“A worthy effort, but futile!” Hokushin replies.
The Sensei began to charge his Eye Beam further. It grew even brighter than before as he blasted an energy wave at the ground directly in front of Tekilya. Tek was thrown backwards into a rock face and knocked unconscious. Legday was blasted off to the other side, but he unsheathes his Wavecrasher and readies himself for battle.
“That fool monk believed you could be saved, but he doesn’t know what burns within your soul Legday. In your heart, you know we are the same...”
Legday lets loose a fierce battle cry and charges Hokushin at full speed. As the collision between the two becomes imminent, Legday slashes down with all his might, burying his sword in the robotic monk’s chest. With a look of complete surprise, Hokushins robotic core implodes momentarily before his entire body explodes in a ball of fiery shrapnel. Legday is badly injured by the blast.
Having recovered, Tek limps over to check on a fatally injured Legday.
“Tekilya” Legday whispered, “The pixel lust has lifted. The demon’s fire has burnt out in my veins. I… have… freed… myself…”
Closing Legday’s eye lids with his fingers, Tekilya whispers back “No, old friend, you’ve freed us all”
Tekilya bellowed to the heavens a call of mourning that echoed through all of Ever Frost. Birds took flight from tree tops and deer scampered from their hiding places as the sound of Tekilya’s voice traveled the lands. Legend has it that it was this scream of agony that caused the avalanche that freed Lady Vox from her slumber. But that is another story for another day.
With Hokushin defeated, Legday slain as a martyr for freedom, Florid Lotus resurrected, and Tekilya Wu’Tang indebted to Oleris the Unclean, thus ends this book of The Lost Adventures of Tekilya Wu’Tang: The End Times.
Co-Writers Credit/inspiration to Warcraft III: Reign of Chaos closing sequence
EPILOGUE – Filbus Furyfoot assassinates Willfight Five’Nine
The End Times - Final Draft
PROLOUGE
Sweat glistening on his brow, the applicant stared at the ground in silence. His quivering hands were bound with duct tape, his face ravaged with bruises.
A bucket of urine sloshed into his face.
Muthai was walking in circles around him now.
“Answer the question peasant!!!”
“I don’t know Sir” replied the app.
A second bucket of urine sloshed into his face.
“ANSWER THE QUESTION CUCK” Muhthai roared
All at once the app broke into tears.
“I had to use the rest room, I was only gone for a minute, its was an honest mistake! I had been tracking nonstop for 13 hours, I swear it will never happen again”
“You think that is an excuse for you losing the Empire a Dragon? A DRAGON?" Happyhealz lowered his head into his hands to compose himself.
"Do you know what the problem is with your kind? You have no sense of loyalty, no sense of respect. How are we supposed to dominate the server and wake the sleeper without Vulak loot? Hrmm? “ he slapped the app across the face. “ANSWER ME!”
“I know I let you down, i'm sorry, I couldn’t hold it anymore”
“THEN USE A SOCK LIKE THE REST OF US” Happyhealz screamed
Shaking his head, Happy walked over to the trunk and pulled out an item.
“You’re sorry are you? We can both agree on one thing at least, it most certainly will never happen again”
Happyhealz looked at the jumper cables in his hands and grimaced, “messy business indeed, but we cannot lose any more FTE’s to the rebel alliance. An example must be made...”
As Happyhealz connected the cables to app’s nipples, he gave a nod to Mutahi to hit the light switch.
Convulsing in pain, the applicant shrieked in agony as electricity coursed through his body, ravaging him to his very bones. As his hitpoints began to rapidly decrease, his screen darkened and "LOADING PLEASE WAIT..." appeared. He soiled himself one final time before his lifeless corpse ceased to convulse.
From the darkest corner in the room Hokushin rose from his throne, the image of his deformed face distorted behind shadows and the eye patch he had come to fancy.
“Very good Happy – The loot council is pleased - Exalt, drag to corpse to the moat”
Exalts childlike mind rumbled with glee at Hokushins command.
"Der der, yessum massa, Ima do et right now. Exalt gud at corpsing thangs." Exalt began to chant "/corpse, /corpse, /corpse, /corpse, /corpse"
Happyhealz fell to his knees, “thank you master”
With barely restrained contempt, Hoskushin turned his back on the two simpletons.
“The time is near, ready the device”
“at once Sensei” Happy replied
Atop his tower, Hokushin rubbed his hands together as he gazed with cold regard across the face of Norrath.
“Soon my friends, so very soon now….”
The Lost Adventures of Tekilya Wu'Tang (and Filbus Furyfoot)
The End Times: Chapter 1
Filbus Furyfoot, body servant to Tekilya Wu’Tang and the beautiful Florid Lotus, came waddling over with a huge grin on his face.
“Hey Tek! Let’s go get some lunch eh? Or maybe we can train some more!”
Filbus started kicking and karate chopping the air in imitation of Tekilya, doing his best to put on his war face as he attacked the invisible opponents all around him.
“I don't know Filbus, I’m starting to get worried about Florid, she hasn’t returned from Permafrost yet. She was only after was a Zharns Circlet to complete her Purple Headband quest, she should have returned days ago”
A knock at the door. Tekilya watched as a grotesque figure slithered inside. Sudden relief poured into Tekilya and he couldn’t help but smile when he saw who came in – Kekephee
“Ah, Keke, how goes the road dear messenger boy” Tekilya said mockingly.
Kekephee had been apprehended by the Freeport militia and was in a rehabilitation program due to the trouble he and Chest had caused in the Plane of Sky. BDA’s failed rebellion was still fresh on everyone’s mind.
“Bite me Monk, BDA will rise again one day! The world shall tremble in our….” Kekehee was suddenly cut off as the air in the room seemed to come alive. A bolt of lightning appeared from nowhere and shot into Kekephees skull, he soiled himself as he hit the ground.
“Careful now Kekephee, don’t forget” Tekilya said as he tapped a finger to the side of his head, “the Wizards guild is always watching.”
As a condition of Kekephees rehabilitation from the failed BDA takeover of Sky, he was ritually tattooed with runes so that he could be tracked and punished at will by the Wizards guild. Arch Magus Calias had overseen the proceeding personally.
“Yes yes, enough of that business, I have a letter for you” Kekephee said.
Tekilya opened the letter and began reading. He stood staring in silence for what seemed an eternity before Furyfoot thought to speak up.
“What is is Tek?” Filbus asked, barely able to constrain his excitement. “Is it from Master Wu? Do we get to go to Freeport again?”
“No, its not from Master Wu” Tekilya replied. “Filbus stay here and watch Siza and Bolloxxs, I need to go get Florid”
“Awww, why can’t I come Teky?” Filbus asked, obvious disappointed.
“She has discovered something in Permafrost and needs my help. A machine of some kind…”
MEANWHILE IN EVERFROST…..
Happyhealz stood in line with the other applicants as Muthai walked to inspect the ranks. Happy had been demoted from the Heal Chain after a wipe earlier in the week. He was now relegated to buff-bot duty with the other apps until he could redeem himself in Sensei Hoskushin’s eyes.
“Where do we stand for the week” Hoskushin asked to no one in particular, his officers all assembled behind him.
“We lost Cazic Thule, Vyemm, LTK, Vula…”
“DO NOT SPEAK TO ME OF VULAK” Hokushin hissed.
The officers fell silent.
“The time is at hand and my body is ready. Never again shall we lose an FTE to the rebel alliance”
The Rampage officers stared on in horror as Hoku loaded himself into a monsterous machine. As the hand and feet restraints clasped shut, Hokushin closed his eyes and smiled.
“With this device, I shall infuse my body with mechanical properties and gain the reflexes of 100 men”
Snoozberry looked at a crate near the machine – a box labeled “Autofire software” lay discarded.
“Excuse me Sensei” Snoozbeery said, “ I have heard that this type of technology is dangerous. Emperor Rogean strictly forbids us from infusing our senses with 3rd party programs. He will send Warlord Sirken to slaughter us all!”
Hokushin opened his eyes and looked at Snoozberry. He held his gaze on Snooz for several moments before looking over at Muthai and then closing his eyes again.
Like a viper in the night Mutahi attacked, snatching an eye from Snoozberrys face. Snoozberry screamed in agony as he flailed about the room.
“Any more objections?” Hokushin calmly asked. No one spoke.
“Very good. EXALT! Start the machine”
“Der der der, yessum massa” Exalt squealed as he flipped the machine on.
As the machine started grinding Hoksushin's flesh away and replacing it with machinery, all anyone could hear were screams of pure agony. But as time went on, those screams became laughter, uncontrollable maniacal laughter.
Florid Lotus had climbed the outside of the tower and now looked on from her vantage point on a window ledge. She had seen the army assembling and sent for Tekilya days ago, but now she knew the threat was all too real. Cyborg monks with machine like reflexes were coming to Norrath, who knew what the future would hold for them.
Suddenly she was falling. What had happened? As the ground rushed forward to meet her, Samila cackled from the shadows of the tower as he rushed to inform the Rampage officers of the intruder.
Darkness took Floid Lotus's mind....
The Lost Adventures of Tekilya Wu'Tang (and Filbus Furyfoot)
The End Times: Chapter 2
Looking at the tower on the shores of the River Halas, Tekilya looked on in horror as Florid fell from the ruins of the keep.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” He screamed
As Tek approached the keep, he noticed a rogue lurking in the shadows
“Ah, come to save the day have you?” Samila said with a wry grin
“Stand aside turncoat, this has nothing to do with you” Tek replied
“You will not take her from me again” Samila calmly said
Samila throws off his cloak.
Tekilya “Your anger and your lust for power have already done that, she left you long ago”
Tekilya flings off his cloak.
“You have allowed this Dark Lord to twist your mind until now . . . until now you have become the very thing you swore to destroy Sam.”
They circle each other until Tekilya is near the unconscious body of Florid. He places his hand on her.
Samila “Don't lecture me, Tek. I see through the lies of Asgard. I do not fear pixels as you do. I have brought peace, justice, freedom, and security to my new Empire.”
Tek “YOUR new Empire?”
Samila “Don't make me kill you.”
Tek “Samila, my allegiance is to Asgard ... to democracy.”
Samila “If you're not with me, you're my enemy.”
Tek “Only a Cuck Lord deals in absolutes. I will do what I must.”
Tekilya ignites his Celestial Fists and readies himself for combat
Samila “You will try.”
Samila lashed out Tek, and they began a ferocious fight. They work their way towards the bank of the river. Sam kicks Tek and forces him to drop to a nearby piece of ice floating in the river beside them.
Filbus appears from somewhere behind Tekilya and rushes to the unconscious Florid to aid her. He had followed Tekilya despite his masters wishes for him to stay home and watch Siza and Bollokks.
As Tek and Sam continue fighting on the ice field, both spot something that causes them to pause - the icy river ahead drops off in a tremendous waterfall.
Snapping and cracking ice are heard as the main part of the glacier starts to break away and move toward the waterfall. Tek looks around and sees a small piece of the wreckage making its way toward the tower.
Tekilya does a double back-flip and lands squarely on the floating platform. He immediately leans to one side as the floating piece of ice moves towards the tower.
Samila realizes he is doomed as the entire structure he is on heads for the falls.
Tek heads for the bank of the river, but Sam is faster. He catches up with Tek.
Tek and Sam continue the fight. They battle away, balancing on the tiny platforms.
Tekilya “I have failed you, Sam. I was never able to teach you to think.”
Tek and Sam confront each other on the river of ice.
Sam “I should have known Asgard were plotting to take over . . . “
Tek “From Rampage!!! Samila, Sensei Hokushin is evil.”
Sam “From the Asgard point of view! From my point of view, Asgardians are evil.
Tek “Well, then you ARE lost!”
Sam “This is the end for you, Monk. I wish it were otherwise.”
Sam jumps and flips onto Tek's platform. The fighting continues again until Tek jumps toward the safety of the icy edge of the river. He yells at Sam.
Tek “It's over, Sam. I have the high ground.”
Sam “You underestimate my power!”
Tek “Don't try it.”
Sam follows, and Tek cuts uppercuts Sam in throat with his celestial fist of power, he then rips off Samila's left arm in the blink of an eye. Samila tumbles down the embankment and rolls to a stop near the edge of the river.
Samila struggles to pull himself up the embankment with his one arm. His thin leather glove has been shredded. He keeps sliding down in the icy bank.
Tekl “You were the Chosen One! It was said that you would destroy Rampage, not join them. It was you who would bring balance to our DKP system, not leave it in darkness with thousands of uncollected Dragon Coins.”
Tek picks up Anakin's Daggers and begins to walk away. He stops and looks back.
Sam “I HATE you!”
Tek “You were my brother, Samila. I loved you.”
Samila's clothing blows into the river and sinks. Suddenly Sam's body parts start to freeze and he starts screaming.
Tekilya makes his way over to Florid and Filbus
“How is she doing Fil?”
“I’m sorry Tekky, she is dead” Filbus said behind soggy eyes
Tekilya started at the ground, unable to accept what Filbus had told him.
“No” Tekilya replied. “There is an outcast Necromancer named Oleris that lives in this valley, his powers over the dead are unmatched, he can bring Florid back to life, we MUST find him Filbus”
And so Tekilya set out in search of Oleris the High Lich, Warlock of the Frozen Wastes, with Florid Lotus cradled in his arms as he walked the frozen tundra.
As Tekilya entered the haunted forest, he ran into an old friend – King Legday, Defender of the North and High Lord of Halas. And as fortune would have it, Legday knew just where to find Oleris…..
***Co-writer credit to George Lucas and Revenge of the Sith***
The Lost Adventures of Tekilya Wu'Tang (and Filbus Furyfoot)
The End Times: Chapter 3
Legday pulled his Wavecrasher lose from the goblins skull, his face red with gore and bloodlust bright in his eyes.
“Hail Tekilya, what brings you to my lands monk?”
Tekilya bowed
“Hail King Legday, I am in search of our old friend, the necromancer Oleris Deathpact.”
"You mean Oleris the Unclean" Legday corrected
He looked at the body in Teks hands and shook his head.
“Truly, I am sorry for your loss Tekilya, but Oleris is not the way”
As Legday handed his sword to his squire – Willfight - Filbus began to growl.
Tekilya looked down to see Filbus staring at Willfight with clenched fists.
“What are you doing Fil, stop it” Tek said as he kneed Filbus in the shoulder.
“That is Willfight Five’nine” Filbus growled, “he was one of the nastier Halflings in my village”.
“Now is not the time, stay on task” Tek whispered as he thumped Fil again.
“I understand your concern Legday, but this is my decision, not yours” Tekilya said
Legday stood studying Tek for a long moment before sighing
“Very well Tek, you and Florid have ever been friends of Halas, this I cannot deny. You will find that filthy necromancer in his cave to the north of here, but I warn you – Oleris is not how you remember him. The dark arts have twisted his mind" Legday hesitated, " I had to exile the little bastard”
“Oh?”
“Nothing could be proven definitively, but the children stopped disappearing after I removed him from the city” Legday glanced about as if looking for something in the air, then his face hardened, “you do the math”
"May the Spirit of the Wolf guide you Tek"
And with that Legday mounted his horse and rode off with his guards
If Tekilya would have taken notice, he would have seen the look in Filbus’s eyes, the unrestrained hatred that was burning a hole into the back of Willfights head.
But Tekilya did not notice, and so the two ventured north, to the den of the Oleris the Unclean.....
Meanwhile in Permafrost….
Hokushin stood as a statue upon the roof of his tower surveying his minions below. They looked like ants to him from this height
The monk was barely recognizable from his former self. His skin had been replaced with regenerative black-hued kevlar, his hands completely removed and melded with war hammers, and his right eye replaced with an optical laser beam. He no longer associated with the name Hokushin, he had even gone as far as to started docking DKP or Guild kicking anyone who used his old name. No, he was The Sensei, and the world would know his wrath.
The battle for FTE’s was coming back into balance after the transformation and everyone was taking notice. Gone were the days of Florid Lotus stealing enemies from his clutches, with this technology The Sensei was without equal.
“yes” he thought to himself “all my hard work is finally coming to fruition”.
His evolution was nearly complete, the final and most dangerous step taken – the splintering of his mind. The Sensei was now capable of operating multiple machines simultaneously, and the reanimated corpse of Happyhealz proved the perfect vessel.
The Sensei had cut Happyhealz down in a fit of rage after another debacle in the heal chain. As Exalt, his child-like mind never comprehending, was dragging Happyhealz corpse to the moat, Hokushin had instead had him loaded into The Machine.
Now The Sensei could be in 2 places at once, or even operate as a 2 man team all himself. But fragmenting his mind like this was not without consequence, part of him was now forever lost.
Operating two machines simultaneously was difficult work, even for one such as The Sensei. Often times officers would see Happyhealz parked in a corner, staring blankly at a wall, drool dripping from his mouth as his head slowly bobbed up and down. Other times it was clear that The Sensei had full control and Complete Heals came at a rate that the old Happy could have never managed.
The time was nearing, careful plans reaching boiling points. All that stood in his way now was that pathetic Barbarian and his army of ingrates. Well, they would rue the day that they stood in opposition of Hokushin....
The Lost Adventures of Tekilya Wu'Tang (and Filbus Furyfoot)
The End Times: Chapter 4
Tekilya walked into the cave of Oleris the Unclean with no fear in his mind or heart. Truth be told, his heart had stopped beating the second he saw Florid Lotus fall from the Tower of The Sensei. He was a shell of his former self with the love of his life dead in his hands, and he honestly did not know if he could continue on if this did not work. Oleris was his last chance. He would make this work, one way or the other.
If Tek had been capable of emotion at the time, he would have been stunned by the scene in the cave.
Oleris sat huddled on his alter, eyes close and in deep meditation. He was completely nude save for the deer antler helmet and cloak he had adorned. There were hundreds of dead animals in his room in various states of “completeness” from his taxidermy experiments. Oleris was obsessed with skin, he found it to be the most interesting part of any animal – human or otherwise. Rabbits, squirrels, mice, snakes, wolves, no manner of varmint was spared from Oleris and his obsession with stuffing creatures. But this obsession was not an obsession of death, rather it was a preservation of life. At least that is what Oleris had convinced his addled and twisted mind.
“Ah Tekilya, I have been expecting you” Oleris crooned as he opened his eyes to take measure of the intruder.
“Legday has finally sent assassins has he? Well, Oleris the Wise shall not be deceived! BEHOLD!”
As Oleris cast Lich Form, his skin disintegrated from his body and red flames blazed from his eye sockets. A demonic Scythe appear in his hands and he bellowed to the heavens a battle cry that seemed to shake the entire room.
“Enough with the theatrics Oleris, I need your help” Tek calmly replied
Immediately Oleris cast cancel magic on himself and returned to his disfigured nude form.
“Ah a social call, did you hear that Gibbins?” Oleris said as he cocked his head towards the stuffed rat hanging from his ceiling.
“You have lost your mind old friend” Tek said.
“To the contrary! I have reached levels of wisdom that scholars can only dream of, so close now to total enlightenment! Do you even comprehend the implication of this my monkey monk ally? Ah yes, MONKEYS, I need monkeys to add to my collection!!!
Oleris began to frantically inspect the animals scattered around his cave.
“Emerald Jungle? Hrmm, a dangerous place with the Mist about still…hrrmmm. Power there? Yes, but danger. Fear perhaps? Shiver-me-timbers no Shiverbacks, no no no, that will never do.
“OLERIS” Tek bellowed, and then he nodded to the corpse in his hands, tear flowing freely from his eyes. “I need your help”
Suddenly Oleris grew very still as he began to speak with startling clarity.
“I am always around, but never seen. I am often avoided, but you can't out run me. For I will come when you're old and grey, or maybe even the very next day. I will come with cold embrace, and give you rest with a chilled kiss on your face. I come in may forms of emotional state, whether it's irony, love, laughter, or hate. I am everyone's finale fate”
“Death” Tekilya whispered with a chill
“Very perceptive of you, yes yes yes, very perceptive indeed.” Oleris mumbled, obviously displeased with how quickly Tek had picked up on his riddle.
“I’ll do anything Oleris” Tek said as he stared at the body of Florid in his arms.
Cackling uncontrollably Oleris reached out a decrepit hand and said “Deal”
A bargain had been struck, and Florid Lotus rose to life once more.
As she recovered in Oleris’s cave and sipped tea, Tek and Oleris talked in the corner. Florid never found out exactly what price Tekilya had to pay for her soul to return to this plane of existence, but the look on Tekilya’s face would never be the same again from that day forward. Something deep within the monk had broken when he made the agreement, but it was the only way. In the years to come that’s what he would tell himself at least….”It was the only way”.
Meanwhile in Halas....
The belfry towers were clanging frantically as Barbarian soldiers lined the walls of the keep. Outside of Halas an army had assembled, and none other than Hokushin himself stood at the forefront. His metallic skin and laser eye glistening in the morning light, Hokushin used his robot voice to fill the entire valley.
“THE TIME HAS COME TO BOW TO YOUR SENSEI - HOW CAN YOU EVER HOPE TO DEFEAT ME? SURRENDER NOW AND I PROMISE SWIFT DEATHS FOR THE SOLDERS AND SLAVERY FOR YOUR WOMEN AND CHILDREN. OTHERWISE ALL SHALL FEEL MY RAMPAGE. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE”
King Legday stood with his soldiers examining the horde that had laid siege to Halas. Fear was palpable in the air.
“Maybe we should surrender” Legday said to Aziraphael, his second in command.
Moosejaw spit on the ground and shook his head.
“It is not the Asgardian way to surrender” Aziraphael said
“The city is lost, how can we hope to defeat a force such as this? What would you have me do? What you suggest is to have every last one of my people butchered by this madman”.
The sky suddenly darkened to black and lightning began to crackle as the winds began to shift. In the Skies above Everfrost a face took shape in the clouds. A voice of pure power and terror ripped from the sky as the face became more clear.
High Mage Calias – The Golden Son of Chardok, Leader of the Wizards Guild
“ASGARDIANS” the clouds roar, "UNITE". Lightning bolts reigned from the sky, smashing the landscape and setting fire to everything it touched. Figures appeared from the smoke of the lightning blast, and screaming with rage the Asgardian fleet rushed headlong into the face of Hokushins horde. They were porting in on the backs of the lightning bolts Hokushin realized with horror.
With every crack of lightning new Asgardians entered the fray, and the storm that was taking place could only be described as Epic.
The air excited with electricity as Calias, Pint, and a Dathan appeared next to Legday on the battlements of the fortress from a portal.
“Thought you could use some help” Pint said as he unsheathed his flaming sword.
Aziraphael looked at Legday and said “Florid alerted Tekilya of this weeks ago, and he in turn he alerted the Guild. We thought this may be necessary”
"Nevermind telling the KING" Legday screamed in annoyance.
Legdays eyes glazed over with bloodlust as he raised his Wavecrasher high over his head and ordered the gates opened.
Screaming in fury the Barbarians of Halas ran behind the spear point of the Asgardian host, directly into Hokushin's Horde.
Stunned into shock, Hokushin screamed his own battle cry as the first of the Asgardians drove into his ranks.
"YOU CAN NEVER HOPE TO COMPETE WITH ME! HOW DARE YO.." but Hokushin was cut off as an arrow flew into his laser eye, knocking him to the ground.
The battle rages…..
The Lost Adventures of Tekilya Wu'Tang (and Filbus Furyfoot)
The End Times: Chapter 4
Legday and Tekilya entered the canyon searching for The Sensei. When the Asgardian host had shattered the ranks of Hokushin’s horde, the evil robotic monk immediately retreated to the icy labyrinth that surrounds Halas. As Tek and Legday came to a bend in the path, they saw Hokushin standing in the center of a clearing, hatred burning bright in his lone eye.
Hokushin “So predictable. I knew you would come, and I see you brought the mighty Legday with you. His blood is mine, as is your whole misbegotten race!”
Hokushin’s laser eye began to glow and Legday fell to his knees, the pixel lust burning strong in veins.
Seeing this, Tekilya became enraged and ignited his Celestial Fists, launching an energy attack of focused will at The Sensei.
Hokushin easily blocked the attack with his Primal War Hammer.
“A worthy effort, but futile!” Hokushin replies.
The Sensei began to charge his Eye Beam further. It grew even brighter than before as he blasted an energy wave at the ground directly in front of Tekilya. Tek was thrown backwards into a rock face and knocked unconscious. Legday was blasted off to the other side, but he unsheathes his Wavecrasher and readies himself for battle.
“That fool monk believed you could be saved, but he doesn’t know what burns within your soul Legday. In your heart, you know we are the same...”
Legday lets loose a fierce battle cry and charges Hokushin at full speed. As the collision between the two becomes imminent, Legday slashes down with all his might, burying his sword in the robotic monk’s chest. With a look of complete surprise, Hokushins robotic core implodes momentarily before his entire body explodes in a ball of fiery shrapnel. Legday is badly injured by the blast.
Having recovered, Tek limps over to check on a fatally injured Legday.
“Tekilya” Legday whispered, “The pixel lust has lifted. The demon’s fire has burnt out in my veins. I… have… freed… myself…”
Closing Legday’s eye lids with his fingers, Tekilya whispers back “No, old friend, you’ve freed us all”
Tekilya bellowed to the heavens a call of mourning that echoed through all of Ever Frost. Birds took flight from tree tops and deer scampered from their hiding places as the sound of Tekilya’s voice traveled the lands. Legend has it that it was this scream of agony that caused the avalanche that freed Lady Vox from her slumber. But that is another story for another day.
With Hokushin defeated, Legday slain as a martyr for freedom, Florid Lotus resurrected, and Tekilya Wu’Tang indebted to Oleris the Unclean, thus ends this book of The Lost Adventures of Tekilya Wu’Tang: The End Times.
Co-Writers Credit/inspiration to Warcraft III: Reign of Chaos closing sequence
EPILOGUE – Filbus Furyfoot assassinates Willfight Five’Nine