DAP is dead, dial UPER - we are hiring

[Yasi]

Dear all,
There have been quite some threads about the <Dial A Port> (which will be referred to as „taxi“ from here on). A long, long time ago, the invention of taxi brought with it a new era of mobility for individuals. You could get from anywhere to anywhere in a very comfortable manner, skipping the hassles of public transportation in busses or trains.
You were befriended with your regular taxi drivers, who would pick you up at 3am in the morning at your favourite pub.

Hell, you could have put a sign around your neck saying “dear taxi man, please bring me home to this address, money is in my pocket” and would not have doubted for a second that being the good guy he was, you would wake up at home in your bed, under a cozy blanket with no penny missing.

These beautiful days have long vanished. The words “taxi” and “customer service” are not be named in a single sentence at once. Instead of comfortable armchair like seats you will find yourself in a 25 year old shit car. Instead of a nice conversation with the angel on the driving seat, some 200lb dude with leftovers in his beard will shout “WHERE TO?” at you. Although he would shout, you will barely understand it due to the damping effect of the cold cigarette smoke that fills the entire car.

If your answer doesn’t suit him, because your trip is of short nature, he will go into grumpy mode giving you the feeling of being highly unwelcome in his car. If your trip is long, he will go for detours to gain maximum profit out of your joyride.

Reaching your destination, you will be charged ridiculous amounts of money for non-existing service. Not paying cash will add extra charges. No cash = not classic apparently.

Ladies and gentlemen, these days are over.

I am herby proudly announcing new guild <UNITED PALS EXCURSIONS REMASTERED> (short “UPER”).

We intend to fill the service gap the taxi has left, by providing a new level of superb travelling service. Our USPs:

• Presentable drivers: all drivers will be proficient in English and talk to you in full sentences, daily showers are mandatory.
• Fair pricing: we believe that mobility is a human right. You should not be denied getting from A to B because you’re unable to pay high prices.
• Fair working environment: a happy drivers makes a happy customer. Our drivers get paid above minimum wage. We support their entrepreneurial spirit. The times of daylight robbery by Afeni are over.
• Ever sat on the taxi bench bored? Our drivers are trained entertainers, making our ride a unique fun trip.
• Ever were dropped by your taxi in the rain without an umbrella? We will make sure you get all the things you need on arrival, including invisibility and movement speed.

The best for last:
WE ARE HIRING. If you want to be part of UPER, send me a private message. Help us to make travelling great again.

Best,
Yasi

[xtraball]

Interesting... what's your pricing policy ?

[xtraball]

Its UBER dumb ass not UPER - 0/10 for failing to even troll properly

UNITED BROS EXCURSIONS REMASTERED... sounds a bit less attractive...

[maskedmelonpai]

UNDER PANTS EXCURSIONS REMASTERED

[xtraball]

UNDER PANTS EXCURSIONS REMASTERED

Now this is much more appealing...

[Yasi]

Its UBER dumb ass not UPER - 0/10 for failing to even troll properly

Thanks for pointing that out. I really didn't know it was spelled that way. Maybe I should have ****led it before to widen my knowledge.

[Yasi]

Thanks for pointing that out. I really didn't know it was spelled that way. Maybe I should have ****led it before to widen my knowledge.

*Goodled

[Yasi]

Interesting... what's your pricing policy ?

It is based on a secret formula. The formula includes /inspect, the auction logger System and it also takes into your account your Level. I can't disclose more yet, but as a result, a Level 5 character with a fungi and a tranquil staff will be charged more than a Level 45 character without a fungi and a tranquil staff.
The System is great. I think it's fair to say that it is the best System ever invented.

[Mead]

uber is so last decade

it's all about uper now

[Lhancelot]

I suggest a plat fee charge across the boards no matter level/class, gears worn etc. Why make this complicated?

Every member of UPER should charge 10pp per port, no more no less.

[Yasi]

That would be against our corporate values that intend to uphold a community of solidarity in which the very rich ensure the mobility of the very poor.

[xtraball]

uber is so last decade

it's all about uper now

^^

[NegaStoat]

Every member of UPER should charge 10pp per port, no more no less.

Taking this OP seriously, the issue with the new venture having a base cost of 10pp (we can assume that experienced players will tip more) is that a large percentage of customers might still stick to just handing over 10pp, which will be accepted and life will go on. The issue is such a venture, assuming it's successful, will fill up rapidly with customers with that low rate and the time available from an UPER who will be in Tell Hell which will limit their ability to interact and entertain their customers.

But then again, Everquest was always intended to be a game that hinged on players interacting with each other. I guess some UPERS members would welcome the challenge of a hectic pace.

[Lhancelot]

Taking this OP seriously, the issue with the new venture having a base cost of 10pp (we can assume that experienced players will tip more) is that a large percentage of customers might still stick to just handing over 10pp, which will be accepted and life will go on. The issue is such a venture, assuming it's successful, will fill up rapidly with customers with that low rate and the time available from an UPER who will be in Tell Hell which will limit their ability to interact and entertain their customers.

But then again, Everquest was always intended to be a game that hinged on players interacting with each other. I guess some UPERS members would welcome the challenge of a hectic pace.

In the spirit of UPER, each porter will never have more than 3 people in a queue, that will eliminate long wait times, and also alleviate the stress on the porter.

They simply need to pull tag down when they have 3 people in a queue waiting for a port.

[Mistle]

Will Uper maintain a black list? And how does one get on it? Is being a BDA member enough?

[Raavak]

A++++ service. Super fast. Would buy again.

[Dreenk317]

Taking this OP seriously, the issue with the new venture having a base cost of 10pp (we can assume that experienced players will tip more) is that a large percentage of customers might still stick to just handing over 10pp, which will be accepted and life will go on. The issue is such a venture, assuming it's successful, will fill up rapidly with customers with that low rate and the time available from an UPER who will be in Tell Hell which will limit their ability to interact and entertain their customers.

But then again, Everquest was always intended to be a game that hinged on players interacting with each other. I guess some UPERS members would welcome the challenge of a hectic pace.

I spent a couple years in DaP, never once set a price for a port. When I was asked I always responded "whatever you can afford". Sometimes the ToV feared level 60 gave me 10p. Sometimes the super twinked lvl 5 gave me 500p. I've got items worth up to 5k as tips. And been stiffed completely multiple times in a row. All in all, I know for a fact I often made more than the DaP'ers that would set prices.

If your truly trying to provide a service. Do it for donations and I'll bet you will make more than otherwise.

[dafier]

My biggest donation to a porter was 3k plat. Was to a level 29 unguilded druid with some very very low tier gear. (S)he was completely baffled and sent me tells for weeks after thanking me.

If you try and enforce a set price you will garner resentment. No doubt.

True definition of - Gentlemen and a Scholar

Bravo

[Yasi]

Will Uper maintain a black list? And how does one get on it? Is being a BDA member enough?

UPER does not feature a black list, but we intend to run a list of assholes. Asshole determination will be based on hints by other passengers. So if you think some1 is an asshole, send a screenshot to me or other UPER drivers here on the website. Assholes will be charged a 4% extra fee per hint when being ported.

[Yasi]

In the spirit of UPER, each porter will never have more than 3 people in a queue, that will eliminate long wait times, and also alleviate the stress on the porter.

They simply need to pull tag down when they have 3 people in a queue waiting for a port.

We'll never pull our tags down, but we feature a guild internal online system that encourages UPER drivers to log in when supply in ports gets low. Let me assure you though, that low supply will not affect prices for travellers, it will only affect our internal billing system. If you call UPER, you can be sure you will receive the price determined by your gear and level solely.

Please note though that our software will collect your equipment and level data. Thus, deleveling your character heavily before calling an UPER port or switching gear to low raw hide will not work as our data base will send an alert to our driver then.

[maskedmelonpai]

woah, some really neat developments on this page. I specially like the asshole list and bath one for additional porters. so fricken cool. this make me think we should set up a server twitter account that we could all us use to liek advertise for ports and stuff :3 and porters could liek sub to it to get batphones to pick people up ^^ it be SO cool :3 we don't even need a guild for it. it could just be liek the djnawhTevethefuck thingy. that still a thingy?

[maskedmelonpai]

bath one = batphone


rnf ftl :c

[Dolalin]

who will pick you up at 3am in the morning

That's way better than 3am in the evening.

[Lhancelot]

woah, some really neat developments on this page. I specially like the asshole list and bath one for additional porters...

This UPER thing sounds complicated. I stopped interest until now, with you mentioning bathing services for additional porters what does this mean exactly?

Is this some sort of extra service provided by porters of our choice to bathe us before, during, or after the port?

I'd like a certain wood elf in leathers that works in DAP to bathe me, hopefully they join UPER and start offering such additional services!

[Jimjam]

bath one = batphone


rnf ftl :c

Your fixation for personal hygiene oozing out of this one mmpai! :D

[Yasi]

This UPER thing sounds complicated. I stopped interest until now, with you mentioning bathing services for additional porters what does this mean exactly?

Is this some sort of extra service provided by porters of our choice to bathe us before, during, or after the port?

I'd like a certain wood elf in leathers that works in DAP to bathe me, hopefully they join UPER and start offering such additional services!

I am currently struggling a bit to work through all the applications in my inbox, but from what I've seen, we already have at least 15 Wood Elfs participating in our assessment center next week - and considering the level of some of these elfs, I am rather sure there will be leather involved.

[Swish]

I suggest a plat fee charge across the boards no matter level/class, gears worn etc. Why make this complicated?

Every member of UPER should charge 10pp per port, no more no less.

In the spirit of UPER, each porter will never have more than 3 people in a queue, that will eliminate long wait times, and also alleviate the stress on the porter.

They simply need to pull tag down when they have 3 people in a queue waiting for a port.

Then...

This UPER thing sounds complicated. I stopped interest until now,,,

You're a strange one.

[Mead]

I just saved a small fortune with my 5 free rides for getting a friend to sign up for the Uper app

Thanks Uper

[Yasi]

I just saved a small fortune with my 5 free rides for getting a friend to sign up for the Uper app

Thanks Uper

Thank you for your Feedback. Enjoy your free rides! Perhaps you want to use them with our new service. We are currently working on the roll-out of UPER Black in some regions of Norrath. UPER Black will guarantee being ported by an Erudite.

[Lhancelot]

Not really sure where you are going with this Yasi - do you care to explain a little further? Why only Erudite? I don't understand

Yasi, back away. Slowly. Do NOT entertain this post by Spyder... And we will try to pretend you didn't write that.

I believe everyone gets caught up in thought and sometimes writes more than they should when forumquesting sometimes.

Spyder. Come on man. Don't lead him down the rabbithole. :(

[maskedmelonpai]

Not really sure where you are going with this Yasi - do you care to explain a little further? Why only Erudite? I don't understand

it obvious it a premium service for when what you asking for is a bit of a stretch. not everyone endowed with the same size mana poles to be able to do liek pickups + ejac + drop off without a rest.

[maskedmelonpai]

poles = pools

dumb phone :c

[Yasi]

UPER Black is a premium service. It will get you safely to the most important locations, including Plane of Hate or Plante of Sky. As it is obvious that Erudites by far feature the best starting stats for Wizards, we won't allow any other drivers to handle UPER Black clients.

I am sorry my initial announcement of UPER Black led to misunderstandings. I am very excited about this new Service, but our legal team also is very careful when it Comes to disclosing information at this early level.

[jackd104]

It is based on a secret formula. The formula includes /inspect, the auction logger System and it also takes into your account your Level. I can't disclose more yet, but as a result, a Level 5 character with a fungi and a tranquil staff will be charged more than a Level 45 character without a fungi and a tranquil staff.
The System is great. I think it's fair to say that it is the best System ever invented.

Are you serious about this pricing system? I'm autistic and known for being guillable. Please clarify.

[Lhancelot]

it obvious it a premium service for when what you asking for is a bit of a stretch. not everyone endowed with the same size mana poles to be able to do liek pickups + ejac + drop off without a rest.

I want a huge mana pole...

rofl MM. Don't try to blame your phone for that. :p

[Yasi]

Are you serious about this pricing system? I'm autistic and known for being guillable. Please clarify.

I won't go into detail of our secret algorithm, but it basically works like this: It takes a look at your equipment and compares your items to the wiki avg price, thereby coming up with what we call "wealth factor", which is a one digit figure. It then also takes into consideration your level to come up with the price.

To give you an idea: a level 11 with an equipment avg net worth of 100pp would pay roughly 8pp per port.
A level 60 with an avg net worth of 50kpp would pay 54pp.

[skarlorn]

so a level 60 with all NO TRADE gear will get ported for free because it has no wiki avg price.

thanks!

i look forward to getting erudite ports by the UPER BLACKs

[skarlorn]

Yasi, back away. Slowly. Do NOT entertain this post by Spyder... And we will try to pretend you didn't write that.

I believe everyone gets caught up in thought and sometimes writes more than they should when forumquesting sometimes.

Spyder. Come on man. Don't lead him down the rabbithole. :(

stop turning into a no-fun faygating cuck

[jackd104]

I won't go into detail of our secret algorithm, but it basically works like this: It takes a look at your equipment and compares your items to the wiki avg price, thereby coming up with what we call "wealth factor", which is a one digit figure. It then also takes into consideration your level to come up with the price.

To give you an idea: a level 11 with an equipment avg net worth of 100pp would pay roughly 8pp per port.
A level 60 with an avg net worth of 50kpp would pay 54pp.

Ok, I get it now. I see this thread is just a big joke :) thank you for clarification.

[Yasi]

so a level 60 with all NO TRADE gear will get ported for free because it has no wiki avg price.

thanks!

i look forward to getting erudite ports by the UPER BLACKs

As i mentioned, we also take level in consideration.

[Lhancelot]

stop turning into a no-fun faygating cuck

Skarlorn bites are deep, no doubt... Do not attack me Skarlorns!

I was trying to help direct Yasi into a more positive place! We don't need to lose more of our wonderful community to suspensions and/or bans!

***As you see, he redirected quite nicely and all is well again in the thread.

[Tupakk]

We are stronger than ever but thanks for keeping us in the everlong spotlight. I wish you luck with your efforts. You are .01% the size of our guild you will need to hire a hell of a lot more to come close to our standard of living.

[Yasi]

It's about quality my friend. The moment people realize the benefits of our well organized and fair conglomerate, we will easily absorb your market share.

And by the way, according to my inbox, with approx every second application we get, your inferior taxi clan loses size.

[Tupakk]

It's about quality my friend. The moment people realize the benefits of our well organized and fair conglomerate, we will easily absorb your market share.

And by the way, according to my inbox, with approx every second application we get, your inferior taxi clan loses size.


Sorry sir. If our guild was an inferior taxi clan then we wouldn't exist. We wouldn't be the biggest guild on the server. We are here to stay. It will take a mountain on top of a mountain on top of another mountain and then some.

I wish you luck as I do all the other porting guilds. I also commend you on creating something that isn't just a rip off of our guild tag. Be safe and have fun out there. I'll see you on the battlefield.

[arsenalpow]

DAP always charged me double. It was bullshit.

[Tupakk]

DAP always charged me double. It was bullshit.

Cause we love you so much we want double of your booty :)

[Yasi]

DAP always charged me double. It was bullshit.

Time to go UPER my friend. If you hit me up ingame, I'll give you a code that will make your next UPER trip free of cost.

[Jmcwrestling]

45p is about the lowest I tip anyone, 70-80 for evacs, 100+ for SG evac and special requests. Best tip I ever gave was a black marble (~2k).

People who are willing to port random people at random requests deserve to be rewarded for their time imo. Dial or not

[Ravager]

How much is an upper?

[Swish]

DAP always charged me double. It was bullshit.

Remember when you guys charged that guy five figures to clear PoF and get his body out? :o

[Ravager]

No. Stop making shit up.

[skarlorn]

DAP always charged me double. It was bullshit.

How's they know to charge you two rubies per port bro

[skarlorn]

Remember when you guys charged that guy five figures to clear PoF and get his body out? :o

remember when you posted about trying red for years and the staff banned you on the forums and told you to never post about it again? :o

[skarlorn]

Skarlorn bites are deep, no doubt... Do not attack me Skarlorns!

I was trying to help direct Yasi into a more positive place! We don't need to lose more of our wonderful community to suspensions and/or bans!

***As you see, he redirected quite nicely and all is well again in the thread.

get the fuck out of RNF, this is no safe zone. Bristlebane is very disappointed in you.

Triple post

[Lhancelot]

get the fuck out of RNF, this is no safe zone. Bristlebane is very disappointed in you.

Triple post

Erollisi Marr. I love you anyway, bro!

[Yasi]

Proud to announce that I personally just ported the 25th individual user of UPER. Safe travels in DL, Pontrin.

[Swish]

remember when you posted about trying red for years and the staff banned you on the forums and told you to never post about it again? :o

Yeah I remember, it was stuff like this :)

https://i.imgur.com/qVBZLHL.gif


https://i.imgur.com/QcKiNCF.jpg (when Chardok AOE was a thing before it was crushed)


https://i.imgur.com/KKHaCX4.gif



https://i.imgur.com/iv9tDgz.jpg




I miss posting these :p

[Lhancelot]

Yeah I remember, it was stuff like this :)


https://i.imgur.com/QcKiNCF.jpg (when Chardok AOE was a thing before it was crushed)




This is pretty good. :p ^^^

[Tupakk]

I miss this version of swish

[Expediency]

Very glad mods reigned swish in. Instead of making one or two megathreads that could have been very funny he derailed every single thread.

Lhance is flying ever closer to the sun; over/under on his ban is 3 months from now.

[Lhancelot]

Very glad mods reigned swish in. Instead of making one or two megathreads that could have been very funny he derailed every single thread.

Lhance is flying ever closer to the sun; over/under on his ban is 3 months from now.

I can see why so many people left AG. Good for Mana leaving.

[radda]

i love swishes gif sigs

[HippoNipple]

Lhance is flying ever closer to the sun; over/under on his ban is 3 months from now.

Hopefully sooner, worst poster I have seen in a while. Being an unoriginal little bitch should be a bannable offense.

[Papa]

I miss this version of swish

the cycle is almost complete

a couple more BDA rants filled with lies
possibly a gore post
then something homophobic, because he just cant help himself

banned

some weeks

back

repeat

[skarlorn]

Yeah I remember, it was stuff like this :)

https://i.imgur.com/qVBZLHL.gif


https://i.imgur.com/QcKiNCF.jpg (when Chardok AOE was a thing before it was crushed)


https://i.imgur.com/KKHaCX4.gif



https://i.imgur.com/iv9tDgz.jpg




I miss posting these :p

Lol =)

[Swish]

the cycle is almost complete

a couple more BDA rants filled with lies
possibly a gore post
then something homophobic, because he just cant help himself

banned

some weeks

back

repeat

Why do Swish haters always call for a ban all the time? Oversensitive types arent you? :)

[Tupakk]

Why do Swish haters always call for a ban all the time? Oversensitive types arent you? :)

Papa must not of gotten any last night.

[Swish]

i love swishes gif sigs

Thank you, they'll always be around :)

[Papa]

as a neutral and devout man, i don't call for a ban

history is a wheel and i'm merely an elf forum historian observing it spin

[Mead]

as a neutral and devout man, i don't call for a ban

history is a wheel and i'm merely an elf forum historian observing it spin

it's easier for him to twist your post than to take responsibility for anything

[Swish]

it's easier for him to twist your post than to take responsibility for anything

What do you want me to take responsibility for exactly? Your username has one E too many.

[dialabum]

just a reminder for budding port druids = dial a deezy is an available guild. you dont have to join DAP :)

[Lhancelot]

just a reminder for budding port druids = dial a deezy is an available guild. you dont have to join DAP :)

I did /who all dial, and saw more Deezy on than DAP yesterday.

[Mead]

I did /who all dial, and saw more Deezy on than DAP yesterday.

https://i.imgur.com/qZvFDyg.gif

[Fasttimes]

https://i.imgur.com/qZvFDyg.gif

We growing baw, everyone needs a little D sometimes.

[Baler]

Which port guild are we rioting against now?

https://i.imgur.com/d2RTmHw.gif

[Mead]

http://www.project1999.com/forums/showthread.php?t=280319

Not sure of the full details on this but looks like feathers being ruffled judging by post in guild recruitment thread by DaP leadership

[Tupakk]

http://www.project1999.com/forums/showthread.php?t=280319

Not sure of the full details on this but looks like feathers being ruffled judging by post in guild recruitment thread by DaP leadership

Hardly. I love Deezy. Very few things ruffle DaP and another guild that has a Dial a , that isn't a porting guild doesn't hit our radar.

We have more competition from Uber Ports than Deezy

[Baler]

Where is Tupakk?

Don't give up man!

[dialabum]

Where is Tupakk?

Don't give up man! he is busy trying to figure out the baffling movements of rivervale npc's