ATTN: BIG DOG ROG - My Long Requested, Overdue, Informal GUIDE APP

[skarlorn]

Dear Rogean,

You have PM'd me on Snapchat many times asking for my application to be a Guide to the Project 1999 Server. After beholding the righteous Name Cleansing of 2018 begin, I have decided it is time for me to Step Up 2: the Streets.

My mission as your newest and most powerful Senior Guide is to ensure that the quality of Project 1999 reaches a new zenith under my totalitarian and genocidal rule.

As a Senior Guide, I will:


Destroy all ILLEGAL names
Shoot first, ask questions later
Judiciously target Staff Bashers who are in arms against the Justified Name Cleansing
Become the main GM Scapegoat for all player rage
Consume 50mg THC edibles prior to making important raid decisions
Create an alt forum account to incite Staff Bashing on the forums, so that we can ban undesirables ... inspired by CIA tactics
Give Spyder73 the surname "Poo'taint" and then BAN him
DOXX Spyder73
Award all Hobbits for their participation
Ban all players who use VOIP services (not classic)
Enforce a /say, /shout ONLY rule for communication to maximize RP


Here is a list of my Qualifications

150 WPM
1 hour weekly average of /played
Young DoctorLawyer
Millionaire
10/10 in my lap
ForumsQuest Master
Banned multiple times on Forums
Proven track record of Cyber Bullying, Verbal Abuse (expert)
Business
MS Paint
No interest in Raid Scene
Masturbates to Roleplay threads
will Ban Spyder73, finally


I believe that my long bullet points speak for themselves.

Dear readers, I would appreciate your support. Please comment on this thread if you think i would be the ideal candidate for the new most powerful Guide.

Also, please let the haters display their colors here for my LIST. (note: Rogean, my haters ALL violate naming conventions)

[Pope Hat]

There are a few things that I learned from reading the entire name change thread. The most prominent of which was that skarlorn is hilarious.

I bet you would actually make a good guide.

[Raavak]

Do you have any references that are not family?

[Legidias]

I bet you would actually make a good guide.

You realize if made gm and with suspension powers, the servers would only have halflings running around after like 1 hour.

[skarlorn]

Do you have any references that are not family?

https://i.imgur.com/Owcs7pu.gif

[Menden]

10/10

[Spyder73]

Think I will pay Mayor Gubbin a visit tonight. Clan Wu'Tang does not suffer insults from Hobbit folk (who cant even be Monks because of inferior genetics).

C U REAL SOON PAL

[loramin]

Consume 50mg THC edibles prior to making important raid decisions

You have to eat them an hour before making those important decisions; edibles take time to work man!

[Whirled]

I heard they drop you off on Sentinel Island and must survive a week before even considering an app.

[solleks]

Halflings can't be monks because they are the bane of Norrath. They're made by the unholy god of Customer Surveys, least that's what Brad told me.

App approved by me. /em eats his tagglefoot brownie.

[maskedmelon]

i want a book with you in it. its fun interacting, but would make a super good protagonist. super awesome, minorly flawed (love of the halfling's leaf) and extraordinarily playful.

[Spyder73]

i want a book with you in it. its fun interacting, but would make a super good protagonist. super awesome, minorly flawed (love of the halfling's leaf) and extraordinarily playful.

https://www.project1999.com/forums/showthread.php?t=226390

https://www.project1999.com/forums/showthread.php?t=221545

[maskedmelon]

https://www.project1999.com/forums/showthread.php?t=226390

https://www.project1999.com/forums/showthread.php?t=221545

those are fantastic stories and i really liek them, but he's too timid in those. tekilya is obviously pretty fricken cool in them, but he feels less multidimensional than liek Skarlorn or Spyder. personally i liek the skarlorn/spyder dynamic and think it would be neat to see that develop in liek a positive way ^^

[d3r14k]

Everyone better start eating their Wheaties, skarlorn has been in full form lately.

A+

[Argh]

Does the halfling Paladin still exist?

[skarlorn]

Does the halfling Paladin still exist?

I was actually thinking about him while I wrote my App. You must have sensed my erotic energy.

Thank you all very much for your support. I have been contacted personally by telephone by nilbog (not sure how he got my number but it's cool I guess), who assures me that Rogean is reviewing this carefully and each of your replies matters.

[Shrubwise]

You’ve got my vote Mr. ‘lorn

[Baler]

+1 for Skarlorn :)
That resume is professional!

Skarlorn of the people, by the people, for the people!
In Skarlorn we trust!
A vote for Skarlorn is a vote for Norrath!

[brandonb1029]

Dear Rogean,

You have PM'd me on Snapchat many times asking for my application to be a Guide to the Project 1999 Server. After beholding the righteous Name Cleansing of 2018 begin, I have decided it is time for me to Step Up 2: the Streets.

My mission as your newest and most powerful Senior Guide is to ensure that the quality of Project 1999 reaches a new zenith under my totalitarian and genocidal rule.

As a Senior Guide, I will:


Destroy all ILLEGAL names
Shoot first, ask questions later
Judiciously target Staff Bashers who are in arms against the Justified Name Cleansing
Become the main GM Scapegoat for all player rage
Consume 50mg THC edibles prior to making important raid decisions
Create an alt forum account to incite Staff Bashing on the forums, so that we can ban undesirables ... inspired by CIA tactics
Give Spyder73 the surname "Poo'taint" and then BAN him
DOXX Spyder73
Award all Hobbits for their participation
Ban all players who use VOIP services (not classic)
Enforce a /say, /shout ONLY rule for communication to maximize RP


Here is a list of my Qualifications

Virginity still available.
Live with parents, who take care of me.
42 years old.
My name short for Fillbus and filibuster also violates the naming policy I wish was more strict.
ForumsQuest Master- literally closest thing to a job I have and will ever have.
Banned multiple times on Forums. Still managed over 180 posts per month.
Proven track record of ass kissing and dick sucking.



I believe that my long bullet points speak for themselves.

Dear readers, I would appreciate your support. Please comment on this thread if you think i would be the ideal candidate for the new most powerful Guide.

Also, please let the haters display their colors here for my LIST. (note: Rogean, my haters ALL violate naming conventions)

Made some slight adjustments.

[Tupakk]

Wipe off the brown from all y’alls noses.

Don’t let him pull the wool over your eyes.

[Spyder73]

Skarlorn's Qualifications

BMI over 40
Obsessed with Elf erotica
Crippled and addicted to drugs IRL
Owner of multiple fedoras

[skarlorn]

Also, please let the haters display their colors here for my LIST. (note: Rogean, my haters ALL violate naming conventions)

Checkmate Poo'Stain

[mickmoranis]

lol doxx spyder

[Spyder73]

Checkmate Poo'Stain

*observes Skarlorn critically and hastily scribbles down notes onto notepad*

[Raev]

Filbus is clearly derived from Filibus, an Italian movie from 1915. Change this name immediately!

[Spyder73]

Work getting done already with the new sheriff in town

[Canelek]

I suppose there are worse things than halfpeople.

[d3r14k]

I suppose there are worse things than halfpeople.

Halfpeople with authority?

[maskedmelon]

Halfpeople with hole authority?

[Baler]

Keep Norrath Great!

Vote Skarlorn for a brighter tomorrow!

[Rygar]

What sort of homo-erotic sex acts would be required for new community members to log onto P99? I am also curious how you would personally handle their welcoming.

Would it be some clever false-power dynamic where you lure them into your confidence, only to have them slowly question your integrity due to your subtle advances, then smile at them smugly as they become aware you control their butthole's fate in the Norrathian landscape?

Straight up smut (Welcome to P69, here's your does of jumcum)?

Some form of feudal lord class based system where they pleasure you and throw them into the world (tossing a Robe of the Oracle to both cover and clean themselves up with)?

Trick them into thinking a sex act is actually required, have it performed, then reveal it was optional (and upload fraps to P99 forums)?

My vote hangs in the balance, I need answers.

[Tupakk]

Lure them in with cookies and candy of course.

[skarlorn]

Jumcum.

Vote me

[Tupakk]

Nobody can replace Nemce and you know that.

[arsenalpow]

Filbus off his meds

[Rygar]

Jumcum.

Vote me

I was looking for an 'other' option from you. Will vote for Lulz~Sect as server hero.

He will entertain me with useless posts and make new members feel like losers for playing a video game and not making millions like him. Images of his work cubicle will make me yearn to achieve similar success.

He will also change everyone's name to some sort of hentai reference, which is more immersive than Poolord.

[Pope Hat]

I was looking for an 'other' option from you. Will vote for Lulz~Sect as server hero.

He will entertain me with useless posts and make new members feel like losers for playing a video game and not making millions like him. Images of his work cubicle will make me yearn to achieve similar success.

He will also change everyone's name to some sort of hentai reference, which is more immersive than Poolord.

This does not make me question my vote for skarlorn the virgin, but it does make me want Lulz as his right hand man. Even, if only, to be his literal right hand.

[Jimjam]

I was looking for an 'other' option from you. Will vote for Lulz~Sect as server hero.

He will entertain me with useless posts and make new members feel like losers for playing a video game and not making millions like him. Images of his work cubicle will make me yearn to achieve similar success.

He will also change everyone's name to some sort of hentai reference, which is more immersive than Poolord.

I hope your name change is okay. It was that or Senpaigar.

[Baler]

There is some great little gems in this thread, that's in server chat..
Thumbs up success in my eyes. 5/5

Someone better tell EC tunnel there is a halfing lawman in town.
Skarlorn in tombstone!

[GinnasP99]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ohw1uI1NsmU

Kurt Russell as Filbus

[skarlorn]

Dear Rogean,

My secretary's undersecretary received your Fax and read it to me at the gym this morning. I am honored by your invitation to serve as Supreme Guide and Protector of Immersion. I agree that together, we could accomplish great things. In my mind's eye I see a world so perfectly immersed that people turn in books of Discord and guard their homelands against guard-killers; a land where people speak in their native tongues and invent new racial slurs for their enemies.

Alas, I was astonished to discover that this is not a paid position. If you will please review this key piece of information on my resume, I hope you will understand that I am not in a situation to volunteer my time without remuneration:




Business



I will not be able to accept the Most Senior and Powerful Immersion Protector position at this time. Although I am a young Genius Businessman, I have not yet established a financial estate which will support myself and my future horde of offspring from 10 different wives from 10 different countries and without this, I must only pursue work which furthers that goal.

Had you offered me some alms, perhaps Pizza Delivery Services from one of our many pizza-elfs here on this server, a complimentary Moped, or even in-game currency, I would have been more inclined to take this position. I tell you this in the slight chance another, similarly qualified Elf crosses your path and you seek for him to destroy all Name Violaters.

That said, I will continue playing ~1 hour of Everquest per week. Please refer to my specially permitted NAMING VIOLATIONS LIST in the Petition Subforum to continue our deeply personal and best friend's discourse.

With Love,
The Undersecretary
to the Secretary
of Skarlorn AKA Filbus, Lord of the Misty Thicket

[Voland]

>> people turn in books of Discord and guard their homelands against guard-killers

This could be neat, actually! Guard killing is annoying.

[Spyder73]

.

[fadetree]

At least we'll never see the ultimate disgrace and wretched abomination that is an assling ranger here.

[skarlorn]

At least we'll never see the ultimate disgrace and wretched abomination that is an assling ranger here.

https://i.imgur.com/wXqgS4s.gif

[24kanthony]

Ban all players who use VOIP services (not classic)


Roger Wilco
Original author(s)
Resounding Technology
Developer(s)
GameSpy
Initial release
May 3, 1999; 18 years ago

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roger_Wilco_(software)

[kotton05]

You have to eat them an hour before making those important decisions; edibles take time to work man!

He could since he would know the spawn time

[Baler]

Roger Wilco

I remember playing UO, team fortress & counter strike in 1999 using roger wilco for voip. :)
good times

[Ravager]

Filbus should apply for Rogean's job. After 10 years of dealing with the raiders here, I'd certainly be ready to pass the torch.

[silo32]

didn't read

saw op and

app denied

[d3r14k]

didn't read

For someone on a forum with mainly text posts, you sure don't read many of them.

app denied

Your authority is not recognized in Fort Kickass.