Altfest 2019 , wipe my ass, this server is about to thrive

[Vharvest]

Hey, it's motherfucking Devolved. TLDR, you don't have to read any of the shit after this paragraph, but I want to roll a new character and then twink just a bit, and have some group members to speed up the grind. I'm feeling a fresh 1-60 and if anyone else is, hit me up on here. I don't care about your past affiliations. I've been gone for over a year. Alright, sweet, so, here's the interesting shit that the trolls want to be fed.

I'm not remembered for my PvP skill, or my exaggerated gay "slow landed big bois" accent I would announce in raids when we finally fucking landed one on Vulak, or the fact that my character's surname is the chemical term for heroin. If Red99 is the drugbox, then I am Walter White, and Jesse Pinkman, and my story trumps Agatha's shit by a whole goddamn universe. You think there's a bunch of super high elf-sim addicts on Red that pull in a government check and sell Fungis, and a good majority of the time you might be right back in the day. But guess what? The truly addicted don't elf sim when the drugs run out. They make sure there's always more. 30v50 Plane of Fear for forum bragging rights and a skeleton neck is the epitome of some of you fucking nerds on a Red99 Saturday night back in the day when we were rolling 300 deep and Mr. Bigs was arresting someone with the Unrest County Police every 45 minutes. But the hardcore drugbox kingpin? The night Apex killed Vulak for the first time and my boy Raksiss got his boots, and I got Vyemm's eye, I also served four or five junkies about two grand worth of china white, another couple some orange panda forties, and I got my dick sucked by a bartender from TGI Friday's for a few lines of shitty coke and a triple stack of MDMA …. while I was buffing Hector and Ordaga and asking Callisto for Virtues, only to click it off and ask Nutnut for a POTG cuz I Forgot about the fucking mana regen …. then I would land a slow on the damn dragon, register a vein and slam a tenth, and talk shit about Darkone and what a no life faggot he was for logging in twice, fifteen minutes apart exactly, once a day between 3am and 4am (when Apex raid was over and we'd be scattered around Norrath)...to harm touch whoever was farming seafuries and get his no-skill YT on the board for the day.


It seems like him and most of the other dipshits are gone and have given up, just like they have on life, but here's the story of why I finally disappeared for good … and it wasn't because I was tired of the server.

Before I logged in the other day, I had just finished up 4 years of interstate compact felony probation after a first degree forgery charge, because I was an old school Florida/Georgia/West Va/TN pill mill peddler back in the day, and I slipped up one time and made a typo. Someone in a high place noticed the inaccuracy, which led the authorities to the conclusion that every single ID I held in the seven states I held one in, all my utility bills used to obtain said IDs that I'd faked at the DMV, and all the MRI scans from the dozen pain clinics I was visiting that showed my back lit up like Agatha's ballsack after a foil boat toke off a fresh OC80.....all fake and very illegal. I almost got away with it, did about six figures worth of scheduled narcotics for a miniscule fraction of what people pay on the street for the shit today, and made another five figure sum off all the hustling. I almost got away with all of it when they finally rolled out a state-to-state national script database near the end of 2012 and it killed our ring for good, when Purdue pharma's "opiate epidemic" was just starting to force people into dope because their thousands of roxies were getting yanked away by the DEA. My life story is a fucking wild one and many Red vets knew I was into some heavy shit, but since I'm the type of dude who literally is not ashamed and has no fucks to give after surviving a few months hard time in Fulton county in Atlanta when there were 72 gangsters and 2 other white dudes in my pod. Nerds on red never tilted me, but damn, I sure stirred up a lot of salt when I wanted to. Here are some of the better moments I remember.

So I quit like a week after Colgate logged in and tried to sabotage our first successful Vyemm kill, maybe a month after Tempest became Apex? The guilds were Thunderdome, some other PvP rival guild that had different names at different times … between Hokuten and Cold War Kids and fucking whatever else I can't remember who they were. Akinn was with them, and all his little circle jerk PvPers.

Before that, I quit for 2 years but raided with Holocaust when I originally made this character. I've been with certain factions of players at certain times depending on whether it was Kunark or Velious. I got trained by Lite and camped by Complexity when I was in Holo, and I got assfucked by Vanco's Twisted Steel Bastard Sword when he caught me after porting out of one of Tune's ToV raids near the end of the night.


So before you accuse me of being Jibekn or some other faggot, I'm back and I can use my ToV geared shaman to wreck your fucking face if you wanna grief my alt and whoever else is brave enough to grind with me. Maybe we'll make a guild with some type of edgy name like some of you have.


Make an alt and grind with me, so people who hate me will make alts to come kill us. It'll be fun.


You wanted to know why it was starting to pop off a little bit, and the answer is me, bitches. We will restore Red to its former glory and reveal who the drugbox kingpin really is.

Ciao.

[Wetdawg]

drugs

[Irulan]

Once I started taking the proper mineral, water, and fiber intake my ass pretty much mostly wipes itself.

I thought I was screwed with permanent hemorrhoids and ulcers for life.

All that seems to be np now. Especially if I avoid the great value kraft cheeses in my giant pizza casseroles.

[Irulan]

U should come back with a more feminine voice tbh.

[Vharvest]

No fucking shit drugs, did you read any of the words or just reflexively meme the thread without actually absorbing the fuckery of this post?

[White_knight]

OP right before making this post.

https://i.imgur.com/ILy50jR_d.jpg?maxwidth=640&shape=thumb&fidelity=medium

[Eslade]

Get your life together.

[Vharvest]

lol, Eslade…. the best story of all is how my life IS quite together, after all that chaos and turmoil, but I'll save that post for after I YT and pop a few cherries tonight. I might bring Awfal with me, he's always been a good partner for handing out some ass whoopings. You have no idea.

[Qtip]

Killed you and your bitch ass friend Awful many times. Both garbage cans. Get better fiend!

[aaezil]

Think you need a break from the computer

[aaezil]

P.S. people who talk about crazy drug stuff like that all the time are virgins that have never done drugs

[ScaringChildren]

P.S. people who talk about crazy drug stuff like that all the time are virgins that have never done drugs

Like Mead and Patriam, those two think I'm still doing drugs based on ZERO eviden-

*nods off mid sentence while softly scratching forearm*

[White_knight]

Like Mead and Patriam, those two think I'm still doing drugs based on ZERO eviden-

*nods off mid sentence while softly scratching forearm*

Welcome to Red99 baby.

[ducktv]

Did not read drug fueled manifesto, keep me updated on who this guy macequests.

[Vharvest]

The only person with more than a few kills on me is Darkone, and that's because he had his pocket dual boxed bard "Last" attached to his SK and he waits until I'm root rotting about 12 seafuries before he actually goes in for PvP. Vanco has handed me my ass a few times, and Reebz as well, on his rogue amd his pally Brickhouse especially.

Other than that? You might have caught me leveling in my 50s before I started spending some DKP in ToV, but if you wanna chalk up those kills then you're even more of a fire giant than Edalse up there.

[Tassador]

I will pray for OP tonight. Please join me in prayers.

[hatelore]

The fuck did I just read. Take a cue from Walter White, “Apply yourself”

[Chronoburn]

u ok dude?

[ducktv]

So the only players you died to are the only players who actually PvP'd ???? Nice looks like literally died to everyone lol. What a shitter

[White_knight]

I read OPs post while waiting for some takeaway food.

...you can def. call this a drugbox after reading this ramble.

[Swish2]

I will pray for OP tonight. Please join me in prayers.

There he is, thought I'd find him in this thread.

[Smedy]

Get your life together.

my shits together bruv
https://i.imgur.com/YTA3mqD.gif

[Saludeen]

The natural and proper way to poop is to squat, not sit. Try it next time on the toilet if you're not a fat lard who would fall off and hurt yourself. It'll come out clean and you wont have to wipe 8/10 times unless you eat junk. You'll never go back to the wrong way. Although if you've never done it then practice squatting on the floor first (without pooping you lunatics) till your muscles get used it cause it'll feel awkward until then.

[Irulan]

The natural and proper way to poop is to squat, not sit. Try it next time on the toilet if you're not a fat lard who would fall off and hurt yourself. It'll come out clean and you wont have to wipe 8/10 times unless you eat junk. You'll never go back to the wrong way.

need lilypad or butt to high and creates splishies

but ya

[bigjeff100]

Splishies!!!!

[Muggens]

And wash ur ass with water afterwards. Dry wiping is disgusting

[LostCause]

true meaning of drugs

[Madbad]

i just shit in the tub

[SamwiseRed]

DrugQuest

[Vharvest]

lol I'm a virgin who's never done drugs though!

Nah, I realized how pathetically low the population is now, and the few people left around on Red are just washed up welfare riding dipshits who can't really PvP anyway. I went after a few people and I might have seen one of out five of them actually try to corner cast or pell me, and the rest just took a bane of nife and pox up the ass and tried to heal through my DPS..... which isn't enough on a cleric CHealing, but anyone else is running out of mana way before I do in terms of heal spam + run for ZL and plug when I'm torporing and cannibalizing a full mana bar in six or seven server ticks.

I was a pretty weak PvPer when Colgate started Holo, and STILL not that good in Tempest/Apex, until Heroic and a few other cool mother fuckers gave me some lessons in jousting, corner casts, etc etc etc....

Here I came in here thinking I was gonna rowse up some dormant neckbeards and they're all so far gone and hopeless for a wipe that they'll never even check the forums again. Feelsbad.

And no, I don't do stims … no meth, no dexam (Addie, Rita, Vyvanse), no coke. I wrote the original post after one gravity bong hit of some tangerine trainwreck, but I wouldn't put it past a bunch of elf sim retards to get addicted to a shitty drug like meth or any of its nasty, white trash cousins.

To the guy who called me a virgin, you've never even seen illegal narcotics in your life, much less large five figure amounts of them. If you do have a job, you're a fat pale developer or tester for some shitty substandard IT company and the only sun you get is for the 3 seconds when you walk from your Honda Civic to your office elevator..... but more than likely, you're just fat and pale and waiting on the end of this month because your free welfare handout is probably all gone by February 3rd. You might need to switch to Chester's hot fries instead of name brand Cheetos, you poor assuming fuck. And if you wanna trade pictures with verified time stamps of how fucking crazy my life is compared to the sadness of yours? I'm on Discord. VHarvest#8863

I ain't gonna Chabo my six pack of abs all over the IRL thread to show how badass and amazing I am, but if you wanna trade image dumps, I guarantee you that the WILDEST goddamn picture you own (that you're actually in, 4chan porn doesn't count) isn't even close to the most boring one on my hard drive. Facts. Come measure my dick, bitch.

Also I rolled on Rise of Zek cuz even with all this epic salt sowing, not a single one of you god damn forum losers logged your ass in to PvP over the weekend. Get on and go to war for some YT and shut your god damn whore mouths. :)

[shokar]

look out guys this guy learned how to pvp from elemtal

[Vharvest]

lol the sad part is I raided the Vyemm and Vulakk firsts and have no idea who the fuck you are from Apex, obviously a nonfactor …… might as well be the slightly better grammar typing version of Hector, LOL

[Vharvest]

You're all also so lazy that you assume typing a few paragraphs requires illicit substances. Dipshits. Here's a novel written by yours truly, 80,000 god damn words, and I wasn't eating pills or snorting stims or doing anything but smoking half a joint in the evening before I tried to knock out my 2k word count on it for the night. I am the second highest rated creepypasta.com author of all time, right behind Josef K, and I can crank out 20k words of entertaining horror fiction that thousands will read within mere minutes of derpbutt posting it on the front page. My Wattpad rating is in the top 100 writers in the country. It's ironic how going through hell and learning to discipline your weak human ass into actually working for something becomes nothing but "Drugs" here, though.


But the saddest part of all? I do more drugs than every single poster in this thread all added together, a "chipper" if you will, and other than Agatha, I'd say any other pussy who's too cowardly to admit they had or currently have an addiction is actually just a projecting little bitch that's dropping one rung lower on the downward spiral of ROCK MOTHERFUCKING BOTTOM. You'll stop digging eventually, when EQ isn't fun anymore, even after you spend all your mom and grandma's money that you borrowed from them on shitty fucking hydrocodones and percocets, or maybe you just steal them straight from granny's purse. Who the fuck knows with the kinds of degenerates that poke their heads up here.


Let's keep it coming and get into a picture war soon so I can prove that my life is 10x more entertaining than yours is pathetic.

Oh yeah, if you want a free copy of my first novel and my shorts, I'll throw them at you for no charge, since I can't accept your EBT card or your food stamps on Amazon Kindle. Sorry, Aeudaen(and all your faggy alts).

[ducktv]

Gona go with... drugs

[SamwiseRed]

lol I'm a virgin who's never done drugs though!

Nah, I realized how pathetically low the population is now, and the few people left around on Red are just washed up welfare riding dipshits who can't really PvP anyway. I went after a few people and I might have seen one of out five of them actually try to corner cast or pell me, and the rest just took a bane of nife and pox up the ass and tried to heal through my DPS..... which isn't enough on a cleric CHealing, but anyone else is running out of mana way before I do in terms of heal spam + run for ZL and plug when I'm torporing and cannibalizing a full mana bar in six or seven server ticks.

I was a pretty weak PvPer when Colgate started Holo, and STILL not that good in Tempest/Apex, until Heroic and a few other cool mother fuckers gave me some lessons in jousting, corner casts, etc etc etc....

Here I came in here thinking I was gonna rowse up some dormant neckbeards and they're all so far gone and hopeless for a wipe that they'll never even check the forums again. Feelsbad.

And no, I don't do stims … no meth, no dexam (Addie, Rita, Vyvanse), no coke. I wrote the original post after one gravity bong hit of some tangerine trainwreck, but I wouldn't put it past a bunch of elf sim retards to get addicted to a shitty drug like meth or any of its nasty, white trash cousins.

To the guy who called me a virgin, you've never even seen illegal narcotics in your life, much less large five figure amounts of them. If you do have a job, you're a fat pale developer or tester for some shitty substandard IT company and the only sun you get is for the 3 seconds when you walk from your Honda Civic to your office elevator..... but more than likely, you're just fat and pale and waiting on the end of this month because your free welfare handout is probably all gone by February 3rd. You might need to switch to Chester's hot fries instead of name brand Cheetos, you poor assuming fuck. And if you wanna trade pictures with verified time stamps of how fucking crazy my life is compared to the sadness of yours? I'm on Discord. VHarvest#8863

I ain't gonna Chabo my six pack of abs all over the IRL thread to show how badass and amazing I am, but if you wanna trade image dumps, I guarantee you that the WILDEST goddamn picture you own (that you're actually in, 4chan porn doesn't count) isn't even close to the most boring one on my hard drive. Facts. Come measure my dick, bitch.

Also I rolled on Rise of Zek cuz even with all this epic salt sowing, not a single one of you god damn forum losers logged your ass in to PvP over the weekend. Get on and go to war for some YT and shut your god damn whore mouths. :)

Lmao I actually enjoyed this one.

[Ignight]

This RnF?

[Fame]

amphetamines

[fan D]

The truly addicted don't elf sim when the drugs run out. They make sure there's always more. 30v50 Plane of Fear for forum bragging rights and a skeleton neck is the epitome of some of you fucking nerds on a Red99 Saturday night

this is brilliant, best writing ive seen on this forum in a very long time

[Irulan]

Sitting on the toilet right now debating whether it is even worth it to wipe my ass.

Probably won't be to bad if I don't. Feels pretty dry down there.

[lifesaverr99]

you are a sad loser

[Tassador]

^ hey save that kind of talk for the swish kid

[kotton05]

lol I'm a virgin who's never done drugs though!

Nah, I realized how pathetically low the population is now, and the few people left around on Red are just washed up welfare riding dipshits who can't really PvP anyway. I went after a few people and I might have seen one of out five of them actually try to corner cast or pell me, and the rest just took a bane of nife and pox up the ass and tried to heal through my DPS..... which isn't enough on a cleric CHealing, but anyone else is running out of mana way before I do in terms of heal spam + run for ZL and plug when I'm torporing and cannibalizing a full mana bar in six or seven server ticks.

I was a pretty weak PvPer when Colgate started Holo, and STILL not that good in Tempest/Apex, until Heroic and a few other cool mother fuckers gave me some lessons in jousting, corner casts, etc etc etc....

Here I came in here thinking I was gonna rowse up some dormant neckbeards and they're all so far gone and hopeless for a wipe that they'll never even check the forums again. Feelsbad.

And no, I don't do stims … no meth, no dexam (Addie, Rita, Vyvanse), no coke. I wrote the original post after one gravity bong hit of some tangerine trainwreck, but I wouldn't put it past a bunch of elf sim retards to get addicted to a shitty drug like meth or any of its nasty, white trash cousins.

To the guy who called me a virgin, you've never even seen illegal narcotics in your life, much less large five figure amounts of them. If you do have a job, you're a fat pale developer or tester for some shitty substandard IT company and the only sun you get is for the 3 seconds when you walk from your Honda Civic to your office elevator..... but more than likely, you're just fat and pale and waiting on the end of this month because your free welfare handout is probably all gone by February 3rd. You might need to switch to Chester's hot fries instead of name brand Cheetos, you poor assuming fuck. And if you wanna trade pictures with verified time stamps of how fucking crazy my life is compared to the sadness of yours? I'm on Discord. VHarvest#8863

I ain't gonna Chabo my six pack of abs all over the IRL thread to show how badass and amazing I am, but if you wanna trade image dumps, I guarantee you that the WILDEST goddamn picture you own (that you're actually in, 4chan porn doesn't count) isn't even close to the most boring one on my hard drive. Facts. Come measure my dick, bitch.

Also I rolled on Rise of Zek cuz even with all this epic salt sowing, not a single one of you god damn forum losers logged your ass in to PvP over the weekend. Get on and go to war for some YT and shut your god damn whore mouths. :)

Such a strange flex I sort of like it. I’ll take your v card too if ya want bby

[Tassador]

Really excited about the Miami Hurricanes getting that Australian punter Louis Hedley. Guy looks tattooed and big.

[heartbrand]

Super Bowl clearly taught us that the punter is the most important position on the team

[Izmael]

"half a joint" or "more drugs than everyone else itt combined" ? pick one, you can't state both

[Acidreams]

I think Louis Theroux should do a documentary about these people. Quite fascinating from an outside perspective.

[Nirgon]

Think you need a break from the computer

[silo32]

i logged in yesterday to see if my accounts were still active

killed 2 people in high hold keep then logged off

box still is thriving

pvp