50k GIVEAWAY TO ANYONE WHO STILL PLAYS BLUE

[supermonk]

I have moved to greener pastures (no pun intended) and I have 1 million platinum rotting away on blue. As an honorable man who doesn't RMT, I want to give back to those who are still going strong on blue by doing the first of several giveaways.

This first giveaway is for 50K platinum pieces.

Tell me a funny EQ joke and i'll select a winner on Sunday 12/8 at 9pm EST.

https://i.imgur.com/ugBXOHn.jpg

--edit--

okay i'm 100k short of 1mm, but you get the gist. this isn't a troll post.

[YendorLootmonkey]

A level 3 enchanter, a level 5 wizard, and a level 37 ranger walk into a bar.

Befuddled, the wizard wonders who put the bar there for people to walk into.

Concerned, the enchanter starts asking around for a rez for their friend.

[Tilien]

What do you call a bald, short man that believes in raid rotations for equal distribution of loot?

Gnome Chomsky.

[bigjeff100]

Yo momma's so fat, she's immune to frontal stun....

[Plowyabeastlord]

Boutik.... nuff said

[SkeletonLrodd]

Due to the rarity of this give away, and our ability to tell jokes, and because of my availability, this is gonna be a grats SkeletonLrodd.

[Lhord99]

@RNF:

A recent Pew poll suggests that 90% of RNF blamed "Rooted Dragons" for their failed marriages.
...funny, they also all claimed to be married to a Canadian Dwarf named Rosie Palmm <Awakened>

RNF actually bonded together to create a children's book, an EQ-themed alphabet book that ends ...XxYZ.

What's the difference between an epilleptic oyster-shucker and a p99 poopsocker that is also a prostitute?
A: One shucks between fits.

[Lauranista]

Due to the rarity of this give away, and our ability to tell jokes, and because of my availability, this is gonna be a grats SkeletonLrodd.

Fucking. Meta.

AF.

[Dezlen]

Jokes not up.

[foxchris509]

Gonna have to make an executive decision on this one due to the rarity of me winning free plat.. grats me! Did I stutter?

[Lhord99]

How many P99ers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A <Riot>

[Kennie]

What name do smugglers in highpass now use for Freeport?

'Freesnort' due to the copious amount of pixie dust being boated over from faydwer to be distributed to the rest of Antonica. It's an epidemic!

[Lhord99]

Talked to Dr. Nilbog about a login issue I’ve recently been having.

Said I’ve contracted a Valeriya disease.

[SkeletonLrodd]

Gonna have to make an executive decision on this one due to the rarity of me winning free plat.. grats me! Did I stutter?

Gotta give props for using my idea, very much in the spirit of the reference.

[stebbins99]

"Oh no your precious gnoll fang" - thread: https://www.project1999.com/forums/showthread.php?t=338834

Not a "joke" but I laugh everytime I read this. Thread is somehow a name and shame over a single gnoll tooth

[madgarin]

How many gnomes does it take to paint a wall?

well that depends on how hard you throw em.

[Drakborn]

A dwarf walks out of a pub...

[Drakborn]

You'd have to be really low to pickpocket a gnome.

[Legidias]

Rangers

[madgarin]

"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at a funeral

[saint-bernard]

A ranger walks into a bar, LOADING PLEASE WAIT...

[Nirgon]

oh its 50k on blue?? nvm

[loramin]

Yo momma's so fat, she's immune to frontal stun....

I was going to try to win the 50k myself, but I gave up after reading this. In my book Jeff won.

[Lhord99]

I was going to try to win the 50k myself, but I gave up after reading this. In my book Jeff won.

He’s a hard hitter indeed.

[Dwynir]

Whats a monks favorite toy?

a train...

[supermonk]

Yo momma's so fat, she's immune to frontal stun....



damn i cracked up

[greasemonk]

I have some Dwarven Ringmail Condoms I'll sell you for that 50k.

Stats are: 1 AC, 25 SV Disease, 1 charge: Pull Out (Instant Cast Gate), Small races only.

Let me know if you wanna sell!

[Lhord99]

“Knock-Knock”

“Who’s there?”

“Project 1999 Patch Files (V51g)

“Project 1999 Patch Fi...”
You have been interrupted.
LOADING... Please Wait

[therealmd]

Yo momma's so fat, she's immune to frontal stun....

It was funny in 2013 apparently too

[shortshot444]

Blue is not dead, and the pathing was greatly improved.

[Molitoth]

Due to the rarity of this give away, and our ability to tell jokes, and because of my availability, this is gonna be a grats SkeletonLrodd.

I honestly don't know how anyone is going to beat this....

[Lhord99]

What’s the difference between a FTE squad and 2 gnomes playing chess?

Ones a couple of cunning runts...

[bodenn]

A dwarf walks into a tavern in Freeport and orders three bottles of Dwarven Ale. He takes them off to a table and starts drinking them, a sip at a time from each in sequence. It's unusual but the barman's busy and doesn't ask. But the next day the dwarf comes back and does the same thing. And this goes on for a week before the *barman eventually asks, "So, what's with the three bottles?"

The dwarf replies, "Simple. I have a brother back home in Kaladim and another in Qeynos, and we all promised we'd drink like this, as a way of staying close and keeping each other in mind, y'know." Which satisfies the barman. Anyway, the days become weeks and months, the Dwarf becomes a regular, everyone knows and loves him. The ritual becomes a part of the tavern’s folklore.

One day, the dwarf comes in and orders two bottles of Dwarven Ale.

Silence descends on the tavern as the dwarf takes his bottles to his table. The barman, awkward, but feeling like he has to say something, comes over to the dwarf and says, "Er, listen, I just wanted to say I - well, we - we're all so sorry for your loss, and, er, if there's anything we can, er, we can do to, y'know, help or anything..."

The dwarf looks up at the barman, his face a mask of incomprehension - until suddenly, understanding hits him and he starts laughing.

"What? You thought - aw c'mon man, it's nothing like that! I just quit drinking!"

[Lanzellot]

What's the shortest ranger joke?
LFG

[bodenn]

What does Phinigel Autropos get stressed out about?

Current events.

[Lhord99]

A ranger walks into a bar. And dies.

[bodenn]

Have you heard the joke about the wall in Misty thicket?

It’s hilarious. I am still trying to get over it.

[supermonk]

It was funny in 2013 apparently too

DANG. GOTEM DISQUALIFIED

[Duane]

oh its 50k on blue?? nvm

[Jimjam]

154

[bodenn]

How many gnomes does it take to screw in a light-bulb?

Two the hard part is getting them inside the light-bulb.

[Tethler]

Tell me a funny EQ joke and i'll select a winner on Sunday 12/8 at 9pm EST.



best joke I saw this week (https://www.project1999.com/forums/showthread.php?t=343222)

[wagorf]

What are every ranger last words ? "INC"

[Croco]

Why is ranger armor green and brown?

Green so they can find their corpse in the dirt and brown so they can find their corpse in the grass.

[greenspectre]

You want a funny joke? How about my mana pool on teal as a shaman in full banded?

[bodenn]

Have you heard the joke about the broken spear?

I would tell you but there is no point.

[beversami]

Why should Paladin's wear chain armor instead of plate armor?

Because it's holey.

[Zeblet]

A monk and a Necro walk into a bard...

[Zeblet]

When does an SHD or NEC sound like a porn star?

When they be tappin’ dat ass!

[Zeblet]

What are every ranger last words ? "INC"

ROFLMAO!!!!

[Zeblet]

Why don’t you ever want a BJ from a Necro?

Because he’ll suck the life out of you.

[Zeblet]

Last week I scared a monkey so bad that he feigned....

[Znakebite]

What did Wolverine use to cut down trees before his adamantium infusion?

A Huge Ax, man ;)

[kjs86z]

Aftermath's DKP package

[Zeblet]

For those who don’t know, necromancers use drops called “words of…“ to create combinations that generate spells. This is a research skill.

Joke: When my Necro reached level 34, I was finally able to decipher what, for all casters, is the most powerful if not influential and destructive “word” was... “Fizzle”.

32 NEC - Anamander Ruin <Kittens Who Say Meow>
31 MNK - Faedz Toblack <Kittens Who Say Meow>

[Rang]

https://i.imgur.com/1sXZP8J.gif

what do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord?

.......

my ass

[madgarin]

Necros are just healers with bad timing.

[Bondrake]

A gnome and an ogre make out.

[Donkey Hotay]

We need a new PvP server!

[Dulian]

I used to play Everquest. I still do, but I used to too.

[Stravian]

WoW was the first MMO

[Zeblet]

Correction (damn auto-corrected and made a mess from my cellphone).

Last week... I scared a Monk so bad... that he "Feinted"... Get it...? ..."feigned-dead".

[Zeblet]

Tank leaves the group...Ranger sends:

/group Pulling -----> <Undead Hag>


I send:

/Shout Train to Zone

[Taredin27]

you choose the one that paid you the dollars? nice strategy!

[Najdorf]

Why did the ranger cross the road?

Because the chicken was dragging his corpse...

[Zeblet]

If Rodney Dangerfield were to play EQ, he’d have been a Ranger. No respect...

[Kerwin 5.0]

What do you call a gnome with a piece of bread in each hand?

Sammich.

[ScottBerta]

We spend our free time, our lives playing a 20 year old elf simulator.

[Petrified Wood]

What did one life say to the other? Trick question, they play EQ..

Blue Server:
Takeall Bets ~ lvl 56
Petrified Wood ~ lvl 55
Majishan Misspelled ~ lvl 40

[Wonkie]

What's the difference between a necro going afk with lich on and Jeffrey Epstein?

[this user was banned]

What's the difference between a necro going afk with lich on and Jeffrey Epstein?

If it's a lv 60 sitting iksar, nothing

[Daelun]

More P99 specific:
What do you call a train that plows through a crowd of people?
Lavittz

More EQ specific:
What's the deal with the "Burning Woods"? When are they going to change it to "Burnt Woods"?

[Lhord99]

How many Wizards does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

“Ytilpus tells you, ‘AFK Wife aggro’”

[Lhord99]

Addressing his naysayers amidst a myriad of sexual misconduct allegations and pending documents connecting him to perjury and other crimes, high profile lawyer, Rudolph Giuliani, leaned into the microphone Monday morning, simply stating:

“Sorry you didn’t get Warder loot.”

[Crede]

How does one become the perfect husband, get to experience all the precious moments of their children, and maintain the quality of their household all while simultaneously earning consistent group xp?

Easy. Roll a wizard.

[Chintofv]

What’s the difference between a toilet and a member of the P99 staff? A toilet only has to deal with one asshole at a time.

[Remeygi]

Tell me a funny EQ joke

No one plays blue anymore

[YendorLootmonkey]

Yendor, Chest, and Myuharin are walking through Lesser Faydark when they find a lamp. Yendor picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie.

It booms: "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes!"

Yendor immediately blurts out, "I want a billion platinum!!!" POOF... he looks in his inventory and his coin display fields now show 1,000,000,003pp, 54gp, 239sp, and 826cp.

Chest thinks for a bit, then says, "I want to be the richest person in Norrath!" POOF... his inventory screen now shows well over 100 billion platinum, and bags full of tradeable raid loot.

Myuharin thinks even longer about his wish, then says, "I want my left arm to rotate clockwise for the rest of my life." POOF... his arm starts rotating.

The Genie tells them it's time for their second wish. Yendor says, "I want to be married to the most beautiful woman in Norrath!" POOF... a stunning wood elf beauty dressed in leather wraps herself around his arm.

Chest says, "I want to be good-looking and have 255 charisma, so I can have every girl I want!" POOF... his looks change and the Yendor's wife immediately starts flirting with him.

Myuharin says, "I want my right arm to rotate counter-clockwise until I die." POOF... now both his arms are rotating, in opposite directions.

The genie tells them to think very carefully about their third wish. Yendor does, and after a while says, "I never want to become sick or injured... I want to stay healthy until I die." POOF... his complexion improves, his hit points now show the infinity symbol, his resists are all maxed, and his back doesn't bother him any more.

Chest says, "I never want to grow old. I want to stay 29 forever." POOF... he looks younger already, and his muscles get larger. ED is no longer an issue for his youthful, re-energized body.

Myuharin smiles triumphantly and says, "My last wish is for my head to nod back and forth continuously until I die." POOF... he's now nodding his head and still flailing his arms around.

The genie wishes them good luck, disappears, and the men soon go their separate ways. Many years later they meet again and chat about how things have been going.

Yendor is ecstatic: "I've invested the money and multiplied it many times over, so me and my family will be among the richest of the rich pretty much forever. My wife is a freak in the sheets, and I've never gotten so much as a cold in all these years!"

Chest smiles and says, "Well, I built charities all over Norrath with a fraction of my wealth, held weekly giveaways to newbies in the EC tunnel, I'm still the richest guy alive, and also revered for my good deeds. I haven't aged a day since we last met, and yes, your wife is pretty wild in bed."

Myuharin walks in, flailing his arms around and nodding his head, and proclaims, "GUYS, I THINK I FUCKED UP!!!"

[Tilien]

Inspired from the last joke, and stolen shamelessly from Boondock Saints:


An iksar, an orc and a halfling find a genie lamp in the Desert of Ro. The genie agrees that since there are three of them, they will each get a single wish. The iksar thinks for a moment and says "I wish all my people, all the iksars, are happy and free in Kunark." The genie nods and poof... all the iksars are happy and united in a prosperous Kunark. The orc thinks for a moment and says "I wish all my people were happy and free in Crushbone." and poof... all the orcs in Norrath are happy and prosperous in the booming city of Crushbone.

Then the genie asks the halfling what he wants. The halfling asks "you mean all the orcs are in Crushbone and all the iksars are in Kunark?" the genie nods.

The halfling replies: "I'll have a jumjum juice"

[Fleetwood]

I've been on Blue since 2010 and my highest char is a 42 Ranger...

[supermonk]

QUICK UPDATE

a GM PMed me about this giveaway and i believe i have clearance to move forward with this without being flagged for potential RMT somehow, though I can see how some neckbeards could exploits a charitable true deed like this to make it difficult for honorable men like me.

I'm just waiting for confirmation, but until they say no..we shall move forward!

[supermonk]

It was funny in 2013 apparently too

i will also be rewarding this fine gentleman 1K for his detective duties. Thank you for keeping the integrity to this giveaway. Please provide your ingame name and you shall be rewarded

[Vadore]

https://i.imgur.com/YRPkwS5.png?1

The Qeynos Clock tower is under construction. The Merchants of Qeynos have said it will take 3 years to complete all of the renovations. Which seems crazy since they are working around the clock.

[Kabobtik]

Baby Yoda will say his first word after his second word. Not an eq joke, but still worth it!

[Lhord99]

A 49 Wood Elf Ranger, a 60 Iksar Necro and a 60 Iksar Monk walk into a bar, each self-important and aloof. The ranger, as a warden of Tunare and in an act of good faith, says he’ll buy the first round.

Immediately concerned this was a cultural affront, the Iksar monk threw his fungi at the bartender, followed by a final, fatal blow to the tunic, hissing, “If thisss fool thinksss he can buy my friendssship, allow thisss broken tunic to pay for all the drinksss to come. I’ll take a tainted avalanche ale.”

The Iksar nécromancer, now furious yet nearly naked himself, pulled out a bag of frosted gems, threw them in the air, and hit each with a lifetap, causing them to vanish in thin air. “I have too many of thesssse frosssted gemsss and am so rich I can easssily do without.” He then life tapped the monk’s tunic, saying, “don’t let my fellow compatriot fool you, the both of usss have enough wealth to buy thisss entire block. I’ll have a tainted avalanche ale, too.”

A little confused at the development of events that has now left him sitting adjacent to two nearly naked lizardmen, the ranger weighed his options. As his brown plate bracer glowed, he swiftly pulled out his RainCaller, set the bar ablaze, and proceeded to rain arrows upon the two nearly naked lizards, as well a tunnel fat cat and two <Riot> FTE’rs that just entered the bar. Once the blaze settled, the bartender examined his now destroyed bar, in which the arsonist and chief culprit stood, indeed proud of his actions. “What the hell was THAT?” he demanded.

The ranger simply smirked then said, “Well, I thought that, since we all seemed to be getting rid of excess things holding us back, I’d clean the server up a bit.”

[Axlrose]

A snake kicks YOU for 1 point of damage.
You have been slain by a snake!
LOADING, PLEASE WAIT...

[IronShep]

Such a wolverin like move to go your own way.

[Nycon43]

Yo momma so fat, she's immune to frontal stun!

[afelipe1189]

Monks are so cool I want to be one irl so I destroyed all my loose change and went on a no water and muffin diet and I’ve never been happier

Monks are the best

[Deadfather]

Ever showed your kids the «*frogloks*» in the pond, or asked your dog for sow ?

[SkeletonLrodd]

When you're waiting for Stormfeather's last 8 hour window:

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/17/fc/89/17fc89da63b8a1e2cee12b5574ec0b58.jpg

[supermonk]

Yo momma's so fat, she's immune to frontal stun....

even though this may have been recycled, i'm gonna have to rewards it to bigjeff100...only because none of the other ones actually made me chuckle.

please provide your character name and you shall be rewarded.

[afelipe1189]

Step 1 google “funny eq joke”
Step 2 click top link
Step 3 profit

QQ

[Lhord99]

even though this may have been recycled, i'm gonna have to rewards it to bigjeff100...only because none of the other ones actually made me chuckle.

please provide your character name and you shall be rewarded.

Throwin it out there, but Jeffer ate a forum ban =/

[supermonk]

OKAY. well i'm gonna review again and choose a new winner.

[supermonk]

What's the difference between a necro going afk with lich on and Jeffrey Epstein?

ser, you have been selected as the new winner. please provide your main character name and you shall be hansomely rewarded.

[AgentEpilot]

Due to the rarity of this give away, and our ability to tell jokes, and because of my availability, this is gonna be a grats SkeletonLrodd.

Fucking lol.

[Lhord99]

A fuggin Epstein joke?

Low hanging fruit.

Laaaaame.

[SkeletonLrodd]

ser, you have been selected as the new winner. please provide your main character name and you shall be hansomely rewarded.

Fine, I'll apply the rules but expect me to apply all the rules strictly in the future...

*/ran*

...
...
...
...
Grats Wonkie

[supermonk]

A fuggin Epstein joke?

Low hanging fruit.

Laaaaame.

had to kind of count against people who had multiple submissions, but i guess i wasn't clear.

[SkeletonLrodd]

had to kind of count against people who had multiple submissions, but i guess i wasn't clear.

My second submission was only after the deadline because I was waiting for your announcement :p

But I guess my meta humor was kinda specific too lol.

[Lhord99]

Ah yes “tell me a funny EQ joke.” Not 1,000. Sigh. And I’m an English teacher, to boot.

There’s the real joke, alas.

[supermonk]

not gonna lie....kinda feel bad. you two really seem like you can use the plat lol

[Lhord99]

Well, it's not every day someone offers a 50k giveaway =)

Swing hard, or don't pick up the bat!

[SkeletonLrodd]

not gonna lie....kinda feel bad. you two really seem like you can use the plat lol

Meh, for everyone joking about 50k not being a lot on Blue I've never had that much haha.

[afelipe1189]

I was already formulating a buy list.. starting with some proper protein and electrolytes. Back to the muffins for me!

What's next?

[WandersX2]

You Know You Play Too Much EverQuest When...

-You look at your dog and ask for a SoW.
-You see the lightning bugs out in your front yard during the summer and think 'I wonder if it will drop a 'GLS'
-You go to the zoo and wonder what the lions con to you.
-When driving through rush-hour traffic, you wonder why you didn't bind at home so you could just gate back.
-You glimpse road kill on the highway and wonder if anyone's looted it yet.
-Well, I'd like to lend you that CD but it's no-drop...

[choppedandglued]

I wrestled this guy in Lower Guk, he used a frog lock.

[Swish]

BDA in Velious

[YendorLootmonkey]

Swish's unhealthy and unrequited sexual frustration towards Chest, clearly evident from his obsession over a guild that left the server years ago to go actually enjoy playing in a non-shitshow raid environment.

[Swish]

Swish's unhealthy and unrequited sexual frustration towards Chest, clearly evident from his obsession over a guild that left the server years ago to go actually enjoy playing in a non-shitshow raid environment.

https://i.imgur.com/QWhF95R.gif

doesn't take long does it?

[YendorLootmonkey]

https://i.imgur.com/QWhF95R.gif

doesn't take long does it?

To make a joke about your unhealthy fixation? No, it doesn't. ;)

[ScottBerta]

Chest wasn’t as bad as people make him out to be.

[choppedandglued]

a lot of salt gettin tossed in here

[jazzman_so_fresh]

Bait Masterson

That is all.

[Swish]

To make a joke about your unhealthy fixation? No, it doesn't. ;)

https://i.imgur.com/UqsDFkL.gif

It's a real feisty one.

[Tilien]

During give away: "lol, here's a joke I found on google"
After give away: "You suck" "No you suck"

Great thread guys 10/10.

[Lhord99]

During give away: "lol, here's a joke I found on google"
After give away: "You suck" "No you suck"

Great thread guys 10/10.

I resent that - 0% googley material here, PLUS high-brow dick jokes.

[Tilien]

I resent that - 0% googley material here, PLUS high-brow dick jokes.

The Giuliani joke was pretty good.

[Lhord99]

The Giuliani joke was pretty good.

I'll take it!

But, fr tho, did the 50k ever get distributed? What PoM throne or MQ did the person spend it on? Inquiring minds want to know!

[Tilien]

I'll take it!

But, fr tho, did the 50k ever get distributed? What PoM throne or MQ did the person spend it on? Inquiring minds want to know!

Or maybe he just equipped 500 alts with full sets of banded and forged weapons?

[Lhord99]

Or maybe he just equipped 500 alts with full sets of banded and forged weapons?

Man, it's AFTER the giveaway that the good jokes are comin'.

I call for round 2!