Who remembers that 'real life EQ' skit someone wrote up ..

[toxic8]

Hails a girl in the elevator.. hilarity ensues? anyone still have it, please share. For some reason just remembered it. need a laugh

[toxic8]

You know you play Everquest too much when..........

You look at your dog and ask for a SoW.

you see the lightning bugs out in your front yard during the summer and think 'I wonder if it will drop a 'GLS'

You go to the zoo and wonder what the lions con to you.

When driving through rush-hour traffic, you wonder why you didn't bind at home so you could just gate back.

You glimpse roadkill on the highway and wonder if anyone's looted it yet.

Well, I'd like to Lend you that CD but it's no-drop...

When driving along at dusk you want to see if the car in the distance is a cop so you mentally try to target them.

You look for the NUM LOCK key in your car for cruise control.

Your wife/girl friend's 'con' goes from warmly to scowls..

When you try to phoneticaly spell something and you say "Q as in Qeynos".

You see that your friend has a new outfit on, and ask for the stats, and if it can be worn by 'small races'.

when sitting in your living room with your family, you get up to go to the bathroom, and tell them "afk for a min".

When someone is telling you about a friend of theirs and you ask them what race/class/level they are.

When you actually say "LoL" to a freinds joke instead of laughing at it.

You drive past a cop and wonder if you aggroed him.

After hearing a funny joke you say "ROFL"

Your cat sits in an empty laundry basket for hours, and you think that he must be camping the rare some_warm_clean_laundry01 spawn.

You are waiting for the lunch hour to come around and chanting "You are hungry. You are thirsty. You are out of food and drink."

While taking out the trash you hear the noise for finishing a quest and see "Your faction with Wives/Girlfriends have increased!"

You walk into a restaurant and yell "camp check" to get an open table...

Watching a movie in the theater and the hero is getting chased by the baddies and you shout "train to zone!"

While meditating, you sprint to the microwave, throw in two Hot Pockets, and search for the "Combine" button.

You do stuff in real-life for experence! Your Brown Nose Boss has increased (201)

You hear an elevator "ding", think you levelled, and wonder what new spells you got.

When you email or page your friends with things like: "Loading, please wait..." "A griffon slashed YOU for 98 points of damage!" "YOU HAVE BEEN DISCONNECTED"

When a plate thrown by A Neglected Spowse hits YOU for 46 damage.

You ask your boss to nerf the guys in admin.

When you're driving along bored and keep looking over to the left side of the steering wheel trying to hit "forage".

When saying "BRB" actually becomes common at work.

Sitting in traffic and you wish that Lilwolf was there so you could get a teleport to work.

When show your kid the 'frogloks' in the pond

When someone cuts you off in traffic and all you can think about is PvP and that guys face on the head of a newbie.....

You don't go to the doctors any more, you go to the church and ask the priest for a Cure Disease.

When you raise your eyebrows in suspicion at everyone you meet named Brad or Gordon...

When you think about joining the army, but decide against it because of massive downtime.

When That stuff you made in Arts and Crafts looks NOTHING like crafted..

When you complain about low baking skill after a burnt dinner...

When you travel to your grandfathers birthplace hoping he'll return to his "bindpoint" after death.

When you shout for a res for your grandfather.

When you see you received a pay cut and shout "I'VE BEEN NERFED!!!"

You start to auction things in your office: "WTS a rusty knife, send tells please"

You keep looking for the Sense Heading button on the dashboard of your car...

You use trollspeak in company e-mail, Such as: "Hi, just wondering if the NOC is still having overflow problems?" "Wut yu meen stoopid?"

You roll over after sex and say, "Out Of Mana".

When you buy something at the store and tell the clerk: "the label said it was only 2 platinum"

A female acquaintance shows you her new engagement ring and you say "Cool! What are the stats on that?!"

You refer to pennies as copper pieces.

Go to a casino and see the people playing slot machines. You think to your self, "That's not fair! They can't camp 2 and 3 of those at a time!"

When you have the constent urge to gate, instead of drive home.

you see a sports car drive by and say, 'Dang! somebody nerf that thing!'

You're driving in your car and thinking: "Wow, this is one big zone!"

Thinking to yourself, my wife is mad, maybe i should befriend her.

You know that you can start one load of laundry, vacuum the living room, and get a drink from the kitchen in the time it takes to go from OOM to FM.

You ask your co-workers if they want to group for lunch.

You're talking to your manager and continuously thinking /rude /rude /rude...

You're saying goodbye to a friend and think /wave

Preface all actions in your mind with /em

You see the little rich kid at school with a new SRV and think 'man I hate twinks!'

You stop dreaming about being a superhero... but being level 60 and how cool that would be...

You tell your dog to '/guard here' instead of stay.

You wish you had an allience spell for your wife.

You consider selling your car so you can afford a DSL link, a new GForce 2 and a new processor... Because you only drive twice a day...

you start drinking milk for the first time in years... because it's only 3cp.

When you dream about EQ solutions to real life problems...

When you're waiting on your printjob to come out and there are several people standing there ahead of you, you're thinking "they must be camping the printer spawn"

When you call your wife by her Eq name in complete seriousness.. or real-life friends who play... "Hi Gornak.. erm.. Bob.. sorry"

When those loaves of summoned bread start looking really tasty.

Your boss starts looking like an Orc Pawn

You are hungry and thirsty, but your character has 40 muffins, and 40 water flasks.

You can "forage" on your computer desk and find something edible.

You start saying things like, "hail a co-worker"

You compulsively hit the / key to see who is online (even though you're not even connected to the internet)

You care more about your main character's appearance than your own

When you try to MemBlur your wife to avoid a fight and instead find the divorce papers.

When your entire family tells you "Turn the damn computer off and go outside"

Your neighbors ask your kid if you have been sick because they have not seen you in a while.

Your non-EQ friend does not stop by for a week because he assumed you were asleep, since there were no lights on at your house.

When you are watching a program about Stonehenge on the Discovery Channel and you can't help thinking: They know nothing about Druids at all do they?

If I am walking along a beach and see a crocodile, will I even be worried about it or will I figure that it is non-aggro?

You actually do name your dog Jobotik and then get frustrated when he won't respond to /pet sit down, never mind /pet follow me.

you're talking to someone on AIM or yahoo IM and you preface everything with /g or /t

You are talking to a friend on the phone and have to leave. But knowing that you plan to call your friend back you say "I gotta go, I'll send you a tell later!"

Your desktop wallpaper is a screenshot of anywhere in the game, and you constantly try to move using the arrow keys........real annoying.

Driving along, see the sign that says "Entering Charlotte" ....and actually expecting to see "LOADING, PLEASE WAIT" and zone.

When a friend asks if you want to go camping this weekend and you tell him you already got your J-Boots.

When a friend from work asks if you want to go out for a drink, and you say "Sure, send me a /tell and we'll get together."

/con boss "Your boss looks like a reasonably safe opponent."

when you look a real-life friend and see nothing but a big plate wearing, axe weilding barbarian.

or when you are thinking...
"a stupid client has been slain"
You Gain Experience!
Your faction standing with boss goes down.
Your faction standing with co-workers goes up.

When after six years of being on AOL, you start telling your friends there to send you a /tell instead of an IM.

When you start messages to coworkers with "Hail," and respond affirmatively with "Aye."

You're going to visit someone and they ask if you know how to get there. You tell them that if you get lost, you'll just find a wall and follow it to the zone.

A rude customer is nagging you and you say "forwardslash ignore!"

If you are in HS and in track you wish you had SoW at a track meet.

At work when you meet up with real-life EQ friends you talk about EQ for hours and dont get any work done.

When you log off after a 6-8hour day of playing EQ, you get ready for bed and you sit in your bed and say "Camp will prepare in 30 seconds"

Your dog takes off running from you and you say "PET BACK!"

When you can have a conversation with your spous while you are playing and have absolutely no clue what the two of you just talked about because you were busy killing the Froglok Executioner

When you actully fire up a spreadsheet at work and make a list of all the equipment you still plan to get and what it's effects on your stats will be

When you are having nightmares about EQ

When you try to explain the game to someone without using all kinds of EQ-terminology and simply are not able to

You are walking and begin approaching someone with your eyeballs looking to the upper right for an invisibility icon.

You look for your cat on the tracking list.

You call your pet "pet".

You go to the swimming pool and worry about forgetting your fishbone earring.

When your dog is whining at the door to go out, you think - "Should I mez him to buy some time?"

When you look up at the co-work who just entered your office and wonder why you don't see a name floating above his head..

When you get invited to an Efreeti run, and you turn down sex & sleep to go along.

When you look at your co-workers and wonder what class / race they'd be in EQ.

When you use excel more to calculate how to get the most mana (..if I trade this 7 int necklace for this 55 mana one, I can then equip the stein....) more than to do your real work.

When helping a friend move into a new house, you wonder if you can ask for a strength buff first.

You'd day dream what the prices will be at the supermarket if only your charisma was higher.

You need SoW to get to work.

You answer the phone with "Hail" and try to cover it up with "lo".. "Hail-lo?"

You wonder just what kind of loot the security guards at the mall would drop, and what their spawn time is...

When you need to actually throw away the junk food wrappers so you can see your monitor.

You're outside and you look up at the sky and think.. "DAMN, now thats some good resolution"

When you see a bum sleeping on the street and try to right-click on it.

When you go to the bank, ignore the line, and try to mentally right-click on one of the tellers.

When you visit a night club you think, Damn everyone is more twinked than me.

You enter your local shopping mall...
Once inside you shout:
"WTS Robe of the Oracle AC 9, +5 int, +5 wis, +25 mana, weight 2, pure casters only, 900pp"
And then when a bunch of people start looking at you funny, you then get frustrated and shout:
"Serious inquiries only!"

Your co-worker sneezes, and you automatically look up and to the left for your Cure Disease spell icon.

Mostly, When your driving to a town (a few towns from home) and you start to look for a good and safe place to bind.

When you step on a spider and are disappointed that it didn't squeel like a pig.

When you say 'Nod' to someone in response to them telling you something.

When you actully fire up a spreadsheet at work and make a list of all the equipment you still plan to get and what it's effects on your stats will be

[Vermicelli]

When you step out of class with a huge paper on your mind and think "/ooc BAWWW life"

[Diggles]

when you necro a huge ass thread with bad jokes that was way passed the rez timer

[Wolfgang]

when you have no job, no girl, and haven't seen your genitals in years.

[kastan]

There was another one where it was a RL day EQ style

Your boss says, "Where are the [TPS reports]?"
....
Your boss hits YOU for 32 damage
....
etc

Any one got that one lying around??

[webrunner5]

These are all dumb as hell.

What he said lol. :D

[kastan]

Finally dug it up.
sigh, gotta raise my google skill....

Welcome to Real Life!
You have entered the bedroom.
/time
It is 06:30AM, August 31,1999.
It begins to rain.
(alarm clock is sounding)
You can't reach that from here.
/attack
Your target is too far away, get closer!
You punch an alarm clock for 12 points of damage.
You have slain an alarm clock!
You are encumbered. (kicks off sheets)
(makes way to bathroom)
A chair hits your toe for 44 points of damage.
You are stunned.
/attack
You cannot attack while stunned.
You throw a chair into the hall.
A chair died.
(makes way to kitchen)
(opens fridge and sees leftover turkey)
/con
It is futile to consider the dead...
(smells bad)
You may not loot this corpse at this time.
You are hungry.
You are thirsty.
(forgets breakfast, begins to iron shirt)
You are burned.
An iron burns you for 3 points of damage.
(irons shirt, then realizes it doesnt match pants)
You may not equip this item.
These items did not combine in these quantities to produce anything. (you leave for work)
ZONING...PLEASE WAIT...
You are slammed by an intense gust of wind.
(you finally arrive late to work)
/con
A co-worker regards you dubiously, looks like a reasonably safe opponent.
/con
A boss scowls at you ready to attack. What would you like your tombstone to say.
A boss says "Why are you always late?"
/tell boss "Why are you always an ass?"
(target boss)
/gesture
You make a rude gesture at a boss.
A boss says "I'll teach you to interfere with me!"
A boss says "It's employees like you that have ruined your job! You'll not ruin mine!!"
A boss says "You're fired!"
Your faction standing with Friends, Family, Coworkers just got worse.
You lose experience. You have lost a level! You are now level 19.
LOADING. PLEASE WAIT...

[Bubbles]

this was the amusing one:



LOADING, PLEASE WAIT...
You have entered Denny's.
You say, 'Hail Denny's hostess'
Denny's hostess says 'Hello, Cade. Welcome to Denny's. [Smoking] or [non-smoking]?'
You say, 'non-smoking'
You say, 'I would like non-smoking please'
You say, 'what about non-smoking'
Denny's hostess says 'Right this way, please.'
You are out of food and drink.
Erlen shouts, 'has anyone seen the waiter?'
Daegarmo shouts, 'no and ive been camping him for a half hour'
You are out of food and drink.
Ester shouts, 'I see him'
Erlen shouts, 'dont kill him, i still have to do the order quest'
You are hungry.
You are thirsty.
You are out of food and drink.
You say, 'Hail Denny's waiter'
Denny's waiter says 'Hello, Cade. You look like you could use some [coffee]'
You say, 'Yes I'll have some coffee'
You say, 'what about coffee'
Denny's waiter says 'Ah, excellent! We have [regular] and [decaf].'
You say, 'I will have some decaf'
You say, 'what about decaf'
You say, 'what about decaffeinated coffee'
Denny's waiter says 'I expected nothing less of you. Here, take this.'
You gain experience!
Your faction standing with Juan Valdez got better
You drink your coffee.
You were hit by non-melee for 39 dmg
YOU are burning!
You shout, 'Ow hehe this coffee's hot'
Kyrani shouts, 'Haha u sux0r'
You are hungry.
You are out of food.
Annoying kid says 'Pikachuuuuuu'
Annoying kid tries to hit YOU, but misses!
Annoying kid tries to hit YOU, but misses!
Annoying kid hits YOU for 3 points of damage.
Auto-attack on.
You hit Annoying kid for 17 points of damage.
You hit Annoying kid for 22 points of damage.
You have slain Annoying kid!
Your faction standing with Disciplineless Mothers got worse
Your faction standing with Denny's Customers got better
Your faction standing with The World at Large got better
Annoying kid's corpse0 says 'My mother will avenge my death!'
You receive 3 copper as your split.
You are hungry.
You are out of food.
Disciplineless mother says 'Your actions and history are a personal affront to all I stand for.'
Disciplineless mother begins casting a spell.
Disciplineless mother pet is enveloped in flames.
Off-duty police officer says 'Hey! No pets in the building!'
Disciplineless mother pet hits YOU for 18 points of damage.
Off-duty police officer hits Disciplineless mother for 287 points of damage.
Off-duty police officer hits Disciplineless mother for 234 points of damage.
Off-duty police officer kicks Disciplineless mother for 27 points of damage.
Disciplineless mother is slain by Off-duty police officer!
Disciplineless mother pet hits YOU for 12 points of damage.
Off-duty police officer hits Disciplineless mother pet for 262 points of damage.
Off-duty police officer was burned.
Disciplineless mother pet is slain by Off-duty police officer!
Off-duty police officer says 'Let this be a lesson, that none can withstand the wrath of the San Diego Department of Public Safety.'
You are hungry.
You are out of food.
You say, 'Hail Denny's waiter'
Denny's waiter says 'Can I get you some more [coffee]?'
You say, 'No, I want to place my order'
You say, 'Can I place my order?'
You say, 'Let me place my order dammit!'
Denny's waiter says 'Ah, would you like to try our [Grand Slam Breakfast]?'
You say, 'I will have the grand slam breakfast'
Denny's waiter says 'How would you like your [eggs]?'
You say, 'scrambled'
You say, 'I would like them scrambled'
You say, 'what about eggs'
Denny's waiter says 'You can have [scrambled eggs] or [fried eggs].'
You say, 'I will have scrambled eggs'
Denny's waiter says 'Excellent, would you like anything to drink? Some [orange juice], perhaps?'
You say, 'I will have orange juice'
You say, 'what about orange juice'
Denny's waiter says 'Our orange juice is fresh squeezed from concentrate.'
You say, 'give me orange juice'
Denny's waiter says 'Okay, I'll be right back with your orange juice.'
You gain experience!
You are hungry.
You are out of food.
Gordon shouts, 'Attention, your bacon is now raw, because fully-cooked bacon lacks the inherent risks associated with our Vision of Bacon.'
Valshire shouts, 'Wait a minute, this bacon hasn't been cooked for months'
Gordon shouts, 'Uhh... yes it has.'
Tunso shouts, 'You kidding? We've been complaining about this stuff being raw for ages'
Gordon shouts, 'Uh, whatever.'
Gordon shouts, 'Oh.'
Gordon shouts, 'uh.... I've just been informed that the bacon has been raw for several months now, but we were unable to determine this until we fixed a bug with the pancakes, which were previously large enough to obscure the bacon.'
Gordon shouts, '... Oh, yeah, we nerfed your pancakes too.'
Denny's waiter says 'Here is your breakfast, Cade.'
You gain experience!
Your faction standing with Denny's Customers got worse
Scrambled eggs looks at you threateningly - what would you like your tombstone to say?
You taste your eggs.
You are chilled to the bone.
You shout, 'oh man my eggs are cold'
Tunso shouts, 'petition a manager then'
You petition, 'my scrambled eggs are cold'
Raynara shouts, 'Ack train to restroom!!!'
Aikbach says, 'Cailleach, I still can't believe you can eat this stuff'
Denny's waiter says 'Here is your breakfast, Cailleach.'
Cailleach begins to cast a spell.
Cailleach is protected from poison.
Cailleach says, 'I always come prepared'
You shout, 'Man, where's the manager'
Kyrani shouts, 'Haha u pteitond a managr u sux0r'
Napoca tells you, 'Greetings, Cade, I am Napoca, the Denny's manager. How can I assist you?'
You tell Napoca, 'my scrambled eggs are cold'
Napoca tells you, 'I will be with you as soon as possible, please stay patient'
You sip your coffee.
A cool breeze slips through your mind.
Napoca says, 'Greetings, Cade. Are your eggs still cold?'
You say, 'yes'
Napoca begins to cast a spell.
Scrambled eggs burst into flame.
Napoca says, 'Take care'
Elionia says, 'Ack, I don't feel so well'
Elionia begins to cast a spell.
Alka-Seltzer staggers.
Elionia staggers.
Elionia beams a smile at Alka-Seltzer.
Elionia says, 'Ahhh, I feel much better now...'
Denny's waiter says 'Here, let me clear that away for you.'
You say, 'Hey, wait, that's my food, I'm not done yet....'
You shout, 'Hey, this waiter took my food'
Erlen shouts, 'Yep, they do that sometimes if you let your food sit there'
You say, 'Hail Denny's waiter'
Denny's waiter says 'Hello there, Cade, how can I help you?'
You say, 'Check please'
Denny's waiter says 'Okay, here you go.'
You gain experience!
You say, 'Hail Denny's cashier'
Denny's cashier says 'Hello there, would you like to pay your [check]?'
You say, 'Yes I want to pay my check'
You say, 'what about my check'
Denny's cashier says 'You must give me the check before I can reveal more to you.'
Denny's cashier says 'Ah, excellent! Would you like to know your [total]?'
You gain experience!
Your faction standing with Denny's Cashiers got better
You say, 'what is my total'
Denny's cashier says 'Your total is 6 gold, 7 silver, 9 copper. Will you be paying with a [MasterCard]?'
You say, 'yes I will use a mastercard'
Denny's cashier says 'Unfortunately your MasterCard is over-limit. Would you prefer to pay with [cash]?'
Your faction standing with MasterCard got worse
Your faction standing with Cheesy-Ass High-Interest-Rate Credit Card Companies got better
You say, 'yes I will pay with cash'
Denny's cashier says 'Your total is 6 gold, 7 silver, 9 copper then.'
You gain experience!
You receive 2 silver.
You receive 1 copper.
Denny's waiter says 'You have stiffed me on my tip for the last time!'
Denny's waiter crushes YOU for 217 points of damage!
Denny's waiter crushes YOU for 204 points of damage!
Denny's waiter hits YOU for 226 points of damage!
Denny's waiter tries to hit YOU, but misses!
Denny's waiter bashes YOU for 74 points of damage!
You are stunned.
Denny's waiter crushes YOU for 189 points of damage!
You are bleeding to death!
Denny's waiter crushes YOU for 221 points of damage!
You have been slain by Denny's waiter!
You are no longer stunned.
LOADING, PLEASE WAIT...
You have entered Verant.
You shout, 'Can I get a SOW? My corpse is all the way over in Denny's'
Kyrani shouts, 'Haha u sux0r'