DIRTY JOKES CONTENT ADVISORY

[visage]

LETS HEAR EM. RACIST - MEAN- DIRTY---


I'll go first


Penis Contest
Three third-graders, a Jew, an Italian, and an African American are on the playground at recess. The Jewish kid suggests that they play a new game. "Let's see who has the largest dick," he says. "Okay," they all agree.

The Jewish kid pulls down his zipper and whips it out. "That's nothing," says the Italian kid. He whips his out. His is a couple of inches longer. Not to be outdone, the African American whips his out. It is far the biggest, dwarfing the other two in both length and width. The Jewish and Italian kid are stunned and amazed. "Wow, that thing is huge!" they exclaim.

That night, eating dinner at home, the African American's mother asks him what he did at school today.

"Oh, we worked on a science project, had a math test and read out loud from a new book ...and during recess, my friends and I played "Let's see who has the largest dick."

"What kind of game is that, honey?" says the mother.

"Well, me, Sidney and Anthony each pulled out our penises, and I had the biggest! The other kids say its because I'm black. Is that true, Mom?"

The mom replies: "No, honey. It's because you're twenty-three."

[lordyamish]

What's the best thing about banging twenty two year olds

There are twenty of em

[Prom Night Dumpster Baby]

Two brothers wake up on Christmas morning and rush down the stairs to see what Santa had brought them for Christmas. As the brothers are opening their presents they notice that one has gotten all toys while the other has gotten all clothes. The boy who got all toys laughs and exclaims "I got all toys and all you got were clothes!" the other boy who got all clothes replies "Oh yea? Well at least I don't have cancer."

[Humwawa]

and an African American

You already lost.

[Humwawa]

Also, a joke in two parts.

So, what's the best part about fucking an eleven year-old girl?

Obviously, he sound of her hips snapping.

Well then, what's the best part about fucking an eleven year-old boy?

If you would rather fuck an eleven year-old girl, all you need are some tin snips and an ice cream scoop.

[Hasbinbad]

Also, a joke in two parts.

So, what's the best part about fucking an eleven year-old girl?

Obviously, he sound of her hips snapping.

Well then, what's the best part about fucking an eleven year-old boy?

If you would rather fuck an eleven year-old girl, all you need are some tin snips and an ice cream scoop.
You fucked up my joke.

What's the best part about fucking an EIGHT year old girl?
Hearing her pelvic crack.

What's the best part about fucking an EIGHT year old boy?
Turn him over, he looks just like an eight year old girl.

What's the worst part about fucking an EIGHT year old?
Getting the blood off your clown suit.

[Pico]

times laughed: 0

[Hasbinbad]

times blown: 0

[muffins]

some creepy people in this thread

[Bardalicious]

some creepy people in this thread

Times any of these people had the audacity to repeat these jokes aloud to anyone they know: 0

[Weezard]

What's the difference between a dead baby and my girlfriend?

I don't kiss my girlfriend after sex.

[Anger]

A small boy is walking through his house, when he realizes he has to pee. He walks upstairs and toward the bathroom and notices the bathroom door is hanging wide open, with the lights on. He wanders in to do his business and as he enters he sees his mother, in the nude, toweling off. His mother does her best to cover her lady bits, but the son had already seen them. Being the inquisitive boy he is, he points to her lower regions and says, "Mommy, what was that?"

Thinking quickly, his mother responded, "Oh honey, that is where your father cut me with an axe!"

The boy laughs and says, "Wow, he's got good aim. He gotcha' right in the cunt!"

[lordyamish]

Times any of these people had the audacity to repeat these jokes aloud to anyone they know: 0

oh im quite audacious indeed

[eastadam55]

You guys are sick and a disgrace to man kind everywhere. Society deems you all fat disgusting fucks irl.

[Littlegyno]

What's so funny about black people?

Nothing, they're fucking disgusting.

[Humwawa]

Times any of these people had the audacity to repeat these jokes aloud to anyone they know: 0

I actually thought the "ice cream scoop joke" up on the fly at a party, in college. It was in response to some guy attempting to tell edgy racist jokes.

I was slightly stoned, so I told it to see what would happen. The result was a few gasps, some weird looks, and being avoided for the rest of the time I spent there.

Not too surprising. Party sucked, anyway. I don't really know any jokes, but I remember this particular horror because of the circumstances from which it spawned.

[Bardalicious]

I believe this is a good time for an awkward silence.

[Slathar]

none of these even made me so much as smile. nerds

[Myrkskog]

What's the only positive thing about Africa?

HIV

[eastadam55]

What's the only positive thing about Africa?

HIV

hehehehe

[Acillatem]

A pirate ship is sailing the sea when the lookout from the bird's nest yells out "Captain, Captain! Ship on the horizon!".

The Captain calls out "Bring me my red shirt!".

A bloody battle ensues, but the pirate ship is victorious. Afterwards the First Mate asked the Captain why he wanted a red shirt, to which the Captain replied;

"So if I were to get injured during battle, the men could not see me bleeding and morale would not drop."

A few days pass, and once again the lookout cries out: "Captain! Captain! FIVE ships on the horizon!!!"

The Captain yells out: "Bring me my brown pants!".

[Barkingturtle]

A pirate ship is sailing the sea when the lookout from the bird's nest yells out "Captain, Captain! Ship on the horizon!".

The Captain calls out "Bring me my red shirt!".

A bloody battle ensues, but the pirate ship is victorious. Afterwards the First Mate asked the Captain why he wanted a red shirt, to which the Captain replied;

"So if I were to get injured during battle, the men could not see me bleeding and morale would not drop."

A few days pass, and once again the lookout cries out: "Captain! Captain! FIVE ships on the horizon!!!"

The Captain yells out: "Bring me my brown pants!".

Offensive.

Ban Acillatem imo.

[Spacebar]

Ouch, after reading some of these, I feel less bad about posting some Doug Stanhope jokes.

I personally like the first and last here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQZWA-T3nbs

Or if you don't like videos:

Hey, so I told my girlfriend I wanted to fuck her between the tits, she said, "How're you gonna make that feel good for me?", I said, "Right before I cum I'll stop punching you in the face."

and...

I had a girl say this to me. She goes "you know, if god intended women to suck dick, he'd made cum taste like chocolate" I said "Yeah, but he had to make it taste like bleach so you remember to do the laundry"

[Envious]

Doug Stanhope is flat out hilarious.

http://youtu.be/MAVyiJ1SINE

This is a good one... but my personal favorite is his transvestite hooker story.

[Shadowthread]

What does Count Dracula's girlfriend and a washed up boxer have in common?


They both go down for the Count.

[Polixenes]

Why did the baker have brown hands?

He kneaded a poo.

[JenJen]

i am laughing at these poo related jokes

[Hasbinbad]

So I was fucking this chick..

..and I turn her over, and before she knew what was happening, I put it in her ass..

..and as I was about to nut..

..she turns to me and says "Don't you think it's a little presumptuous to just turn me over and start fucking me in the ass?"

..

..

..and I says "no.."

..

..

"..but I do think presumptuous is a awfully big word for an eight year old."

[Pico]

so edgy unnngghh

[Pico]

did u hear the one about the pedo fuckin the 5 year old LOL milk everywhere