KIM JONG II KILLED BY CHUCK NORRIS!

[Peatree]

Sweet!

http://weeklyworldnews.com/headlines/41548/kim-jong-ii-killed-by-chuck-norris

[Truth]

i love that the sites logo is bat boy

[Peatree]

Simply awesome writing!

"Chuck Norris reportedly parachuted into North Korea, ran through Dear Leader’s private residence, quickly found and identified the North Korean leader and stabbed him in the heart.

“He was gone before anyone even knew he was there,” said a source close to the Black Ops mission. “Nobody could have done what Chuck Norris did. He’s an American hero.”

"On the way out of the compound, Norris was confronted by ten North Korean guards. Norris reportedly used all his martial arts technique – and his AK-47 – to wipe out the guards. He then ran to the top of the building and grabbed hold of a ladder attache to a rescue helicopter.

“It was a precision operation and Norris executed the plan perfectly,” said a source close to the Navy Seals.

Dear Leader has been able to control an entire nation - a nation that fears him. But Chuck Norris is not afraid of anything. Chuck Norris is a God. Who will Chuck Norris get next?"

GO CHUCK GO!

[Peatree]

I'll bet Harrison owns almost every Chuck Norris movie there is too!

[engelbert]

chuck norris is a really funny internet meme

[pickled_heretic]

Chuck Norris has seen more black cock than a KFC urinal.

Chuck Norris almost turned down the offer to make a cameo in the movie "Dodgeball" on the grounds that he doesn't like to dodge balls—he prefers to have them resting on his chin.

When Chuck Norris has sex with men, it's not because he ran out of women, but because women couldn't find his penis when he wanted to have sex with them.

Chuck Norris says "I am... I mean, you are what you eat, dick."

Chuck Norris called "all-time crush" on Leif Garrett.


Chuck Norris beats off to "Pretty in Pink" three times a day with a wax figure of Andrew McCarthy lodged in his ass.

Chuck Norris's shit is already packed.


Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk, and prance around like a homo.

Chuck Norris once stuck his cock up a man's nose, then accidentally into his ear, then back into his nose.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills and merely blinked because the gay porn he was watching was too exciting to sleep through.

Chuck Norris is so gay that when he goes to the donkey show, he gets jealous of the woman.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of showing everyone how loose his asshole is.

In a recent poll, Chuck Norris beat the Hamburglar as the "World's Biggest Ass Bandit."

Chuck Norris and Michael Jackson have been known to recreate the hand-to-hand combat scenes in Star Wars using their penises as light sabers.

The Chuck Norris food pyramid consists of sperm and Haagen Dazs.

Chuck Norris thinks that hot rod races are circle jerks. Accordingly, he shows up in drag.

Freddy Mercury wrote "Fat Bottomed Girls" after a passionate night with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris loves hemorrhoids. He calls them "speed bumps."

Chuck Norris likes to get a good night's sleep...with as many men as possible.

Chuck Norris once decided to donate sperm, but Heath Ledger refused to take it.

Chuck Norris’ farts smell like Vaseline.

Chuck Norris has never ridden a bull as hard as he has ridden a cock.

There once was a man from Nantucket,
His dick was so long he could suck it,
He said with a grin,
As he tickled his chin,
If my ass was a pussy Chuck Norris would fuck it.

Jonathan Ned Katz wanted Chuck Norris to use a condom, but he used a water balloon instead.

Chuck Norris' burps smell like semen.



Chuck Norris impaled the man from Nantucket with his own penis just to hold the title "Most Dicks Sucked...EVER!"

One time, while watching gay porn, Chuck Norris swallowed his remote control because he thought it would feel good on the way out.

Chuck Norris is the Rump Ranger.

Chuck Norris started the "Chuck Norris Facts" in hopes of finding a new love. Upon finding out the majority of fans using the facts were guys, Chuck Norris wept with joy.

Chuck Norris will ram his rod straight down the throat of anyone who calls him gay. He's just funny like that.

After a night of passionate love with Tony Danza, Chuck Norris took the morning after pill, fearing an unwanted pregnancy.

Chuck Norris' milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.

Chuck Norris' farts are silent and deadly. Deadly because he's Chuck Norris, silent because his butthole is extremely loose.

Brad Pitt adopted one of Chuck Norris' children, and Chuck Norris still won't marry him.

Chuck Norris would go straight if he could fuck Rosie O'Donnell. Too bad she is holding out to go straight for Tom Cruise, who is holding out to go gay for Heath Ledger.

When the boogie man goes to sleep, he looks in his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck's ass is still sore from the last time he was found.

Chuck Norris is from Texas. Only steers and queers come from Texas. Chuck Norris has no horns.

The chief import of Chuck Norris is cock.

Chuck Norris is wanted for raping 10 different men during last year's Carinaval celebration in Brazil. The United States has refused the Brazilian extradition request.

Chuck Norris was once arrested in a small Midwestern town for public indecency. During his four-hour stay in the local jail, he was made the bitch to a pre-op transsexual named Phil.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man it is not because he has run out of women. It is because he was born that way. It wasn't his choice.

Chuck Norris was seen running out of Jenny Craig crying because his strict diet of Tony Danza's spunk didn't work.

Chuck Norris won't suck one, but he will hold it in his mouth until it goes soft.

Chuck Norris sucks dick for cab fare and then walks home.

If Chuck Norris were gay, his name would be... oh wait.

Chuck Norris checks his closet for Michael Jackson before he goes to bed. He is disappointed when he doesn't find him.

Chuck Norris was approached by Mattel to market his controversial Homo Kung Fu Doll. However, the test market in San Francisco found it too gay and went with the Ru Paul Line instead. They kept the Kung Fu grip.

Chuck Norris once was at the theater watching Crossroads, when someone spotted him sending the following text message to someone: "Count me in on the gay clown orgy."

Chuck Norris always insists that he's joking when he s******s in his camp voice, "I'm going outside to have a fag, and then I'm going to have a cigarette." But we all know he's not joking.

Chuck Norris can suck the AIDS virus right out of a grown man's cock, then spit it into a bottle for research.

Chuck Norris once walked into a gay bar because he wanted to. Another time, he walked into another gay bar. Now, it is a weekly habit.

Chuck Norris scored an 8 on the “Are you a good boyfriend” quiz in Cosmo.

Richard Simmons once told Chuck Norris to quit acting like such a fag.

The origin of the name “Norris” is actually French. The translation of the word “Chuck” means homosexual.

Chuck Norris' pubes cover the head of Carrot Top.

Chuck Norris once had an affair with Ralph Macchio on the set of The Karate Kid.

[cmdrrickhunter]

Peatree, its hard to take your news posts seriously with those.... distractions to the left!