Kuriak's Great Crusade

[Ephirith]

Kuriak's Great Crusade

Volume I
Chapter I - The Sewer Baby - Below
Chapter II - The Crushbone Campaign - Below
Chapter III - Rest and Resupply - http://www.project1999.org/forums/showpost.php?p=557865&postcount=15
Chapter IV - Kuriak Brings Love and Happiness Back to Cabilis - http://www.project1999.org/forums/showpost.php?p=559106&postcount=22
Chapter V - Pain in the Morass - http://www.project1999.org/forums/showpost.php?p=560349&postcount=23
Chapter VI - Who Rules... the Iksar Kingdom? - http://www.project1999.org/forums/showpost.php?p=564002&postcount=33
Chapter VII - The Guk Campaign - http://www.project1999.org/forums/showpost.php?p=567332&postcount=34

Volume II
Chapter VIII - The Crusader Returns - http://www.project1999.org/forums/showpost.php?p=734725&postcount=38
Chapter IX - Crusader Auxiliary Corps - http://www.project1999.org/forums/showpost.php?p=736850&postcount=45
Chapter X - Kuriak Gets Addicted to Pie - http://www.project1999.org/forums/showpost.php?p=737904&postcount=48

Chapter I: The Sewer Baby

Young Kuriak crawled into the ruined streets of Cabilis covered in filth and excrement. As an egg he had been thrown into the sewer, forsaken. It was anyone's guess who his mother was, though it was rumored to be Klok Wyga, who was known to frequent dockside bars and boasted a fondness for men in uniform. His father could have been any one of the patrolling Crusaders or Troopers, or all of them. Nobody knows how Iksar reproduction works anyway other than that it involves great gnashing of teeth and the chafing of scales. It didn't really matter.

http://img109.imageshack.us/img109/8872/babbyrj.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/109/babbyrj.jpg/)

What mattered was that young Kuriak lacked the physical prowess and pedigree of those chosen to be Monks or Warriors. His SAT scores and gpa, far too low for acceptance into Necromancer school. He had no trust fund or network of influential connections to wiggle himself into the Scaled Mystics.

His only option was to join the ranks of the lowest form of life imaginable in Iksar society: Shadow Knights. Did somebody dip your egg in alcohol? Is your mother a Klok? Enormous unpaid debt to the Haggle Baron? The Crusaders want you.

Kuriak's first assignment as a trainee was to prove himself worthy of knighthood by murdering babies. Only by mercilessly brutalizing innocent sarnak children could he show he possessed the hopeless depravity and lack of ambition to make it as a shadow knight in Cabilis.

http://img831.imageshack.us/img831/4415/sarnak.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/831/sarnak.jpg/)

It wasn't long before Kuriak had collected the requisite body parts as proof of his deed. He returned them to Lord Gikzic and, for his effort, was rewarded with a suit of armor and a fine sword at the expense of Iksar taxpayers. Kuriak was promoted to the rank of Knave, Crusader Auxiliary, and given his next assignment; he was being deployed to the Greater Faydark.

[Yanomamo]

like

[Ephirith]

Chapter II: The Crushbone Campaign

The only thing more appealing to an Iksar than brutalizing children is casual sex. And behind those, slavery. When word reached Cabilis that the Crushbone orcs were keeping slaves, Arch Duke Xog was personally offended. Only the Iksar were fit to enslave other beings! And these upstart orcs were making a mockery of the prestigous institution of slavery! It had to end. But who was wretched and disposable enough to undertake such a hopeless and suicidal mission?

http://img826.imageshack.us/img826/4060/creeperx.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/826/creeperx.jpg/)

Due to the Crusaders of Greenmist being an abysmally poorly funded branch of the Iksar military, Kuriak was required to secure his own passage to Faydwer. The road was dangerous and unkind, but he eventually found his way to The Overthere, having narrowly avoided the clutches of a band of horny forest giants who harbored a peculiar fondness for young Iksar. A young druid agreed to teleport Kuriak to Butcherblock Mountains in exchange for his life savings, 3 platinum.

Kuriak arrived in Crushbone to find himself decisively outmatched. The orc citadel itself was too well guarded for him to deal serious damage to the Crushbone, so Kuriak had to resort to guerilla warfare and terror tactics. He lurked in the mountains and crags of Crushbone, striking orc patrols like an explosive device improvised out of pure brutality and malice. He collected belts from the slain orcs, and found the locals had a strange interest in procuring them. He funded his operation with the profits, selling his belts to elves and dwarves.

http://img685.imageshack.us/img685/5377/beltsj.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/685/beltsj.jpg/)

Kuriak took great pleasure in terrorizing the children of Crushbone. Word began to circulate among the orcs of a terrible man-serpent who lived in the mountains and preyed on the spleens of orc youth. Unable to penetrate the castle itself, Kuriak ate babies like any good Iksar, leaving the remains strewn on Emperor Crush's doorstep.

http://img844.imageshack.us/img844/3738/pawn.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/844/pawn.jpg/)

The Iksar Knight was gaining strength, and soon he would be able to bring an end to the reign of Emperor Crush. Though Kuriak had long ago accepted that during his mission it would be difficult to cooperate with the locals, due to his rapacious experience penalty and propensity to eat their women and children, he knew it would probably be necessary at some point. Kuriak had to return to Cabilis with exotic slaves and the head of Emperor Crush, or not return at all.

[Xadion]

winmode...except shadowknights are the high class of the professions, honor, duty and knighthood do not come easy...just because we are of shadow does not begrudge us from the knight side of our skills.

[godbox]

no RP bruhhh
wuz ur hp/ac
wuz ur top dmg dbl atk

[maahes]

I enjoyed this I must say.

[Raavak]

Cool. Keep it up. Can't wait for the next installment.

[sbvera13]

Rp? On p99? Wait, wut?

Must have more.

[oddibemcd]

in

[Treats]

Definate A+

[Quizy]

Very good!!! I did read and will read more.

Would be cool if more people did this!!

+rep

[Falisaty]

love it want more now!!!

[fischsemmel]

Sticky this shit!

Not that it should ever fall off the first page for lack of bumpage, though.

[Ephirith]

Chapter III: Rest and Resupply

Kuriak enlisted the help of a local wood elf by the name of Iceyy, and they began to cooperate in dismantling the outer defenses of the citadel. However, Kuriak was finding it increasingly evident that the local elves were fickle and unreliable. Though Iceyy was loyal and persistent, countless others broke and fled at the first hardship, or were mutilated by the legionnaires.

http://img813.imageshack.us/img813/5894/crusade1.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/813/crusade1.jpg/)

Fortunately, Kuriak's forces managed to occupy Crushbone's outlying areas and Kuriak himself was able to free the slaves... from their mortal coils. Arch Duke Xog would be pleased. In order to eventually besiege the stronghold, however, he needed to resupply, strengthen, and requisition more disciplined forces.

Using some of the money he had earned selling belts, Kuriak paid an elf to send him to the Commonlands, where he hoped to improve his gear and martial prowess before returning to Cabilis. Here he joined with individuals who made a far more capable fighting force than the elves of the Faydark.

http://img259.imageshack.us/img259/1917/74425855.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/259/74425855.jpg/)

The scattered camps of Deathfist orcs were of far less strategic value, but they made for good training, and the Commonlands appeared to be a prime staging point for all kinds of expeditions. Practitioners of powerful magics freely bestowed their blessings. Rich merchants hoarded wealth and influence beyond even that of the Haggle Baron; their greedy tendrils touched even Xog. Though Kuriak knew he would need to report back to Cabilis to continue his advancement, he was reluctant to leave a place of such opportunity.

http://img718.imageshack.us/img718/687/noct.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/718/noct.jpg/)

[Xadion]

'xog owes me money' classic...classic.

although you are of the scaled knight rather than the fleshly knight... You are a dark knight brother...seek me out.

[Versus]

Like

[sbvera13]

Woohoo I'm famous I grouped with Xog's minion!

Any rp guilds out there? this is making truly pine for the good ol days.

[Rubexcube666]

Ran past you the other day! ...... corpse run to Nek....

(note to self) Don't start watching lost when medding in the Iron Guardians pathing.....

-Sowfastt

[Falisaty]

LOL that is too funny "Xog owes me money"

[ukaking]

This is the best thing I have seen posted on here...ever. PLEASE keep it up!

[Ephirith]

Chapter IV: Kuriak Brings Love and Happiness Back to Cabilis

In Cabilis, happiness is considered a form of deviant psychosis. An Iksar caught trying to learn how to laugh or smile is subject to exile to the Field of Bone, where they may expect each one of their bodily crevices to be inhabited by scorpions. Though love and friendship are not wholly foreign concepts to the Iksar, they express it in different ways, often through pain, terror, or conflict. Lizardman has no word for friendship, the closest approximation being 'cooperation toward an end'.

During his deployment, Kuriak had been exposed to excessive amounts of 'friendship', and 'kindness'. Passing druids imbued his flesh with protective thorns and soothed his scales with regenerative chloroplasts. The soldiers he cooperated with told delightful stories, and exhibited impractical selflessness. He was even contacted by the disembodied voice of an ogre heretic named Borf who sympathized with the Crusader cause and offered friendship; strangers gave Kuriak cake and ale, and they wished him good tidings as he departed to return to Cabilis.

After a perilous journey through the Dreadlands, weary and facing a moderate existential crisis, Kuriak approached the gates of Cabilis. There, he saw Trooper Mozo, whom he greeted kindly and respectfully, pleased to once again be among Iksar.

http://img841.imageshack.us/img841/7383/mozo.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/841/mozo.jpg/)

And as quickly as that, Kuriak's aura of sunshine and rainbows had been dissipated by the acrimonious vitriol of Iksar society. But for some reason, it felt good. The uncertainty in Kuriak's mind cleared, and he again felt a clarity of purpose. He had to go and see Xog.

On his way into the city, he passed a gathering of froglok slaves sheltered in the shade, trying to catch their breath between merciless floggings. Kuriak stood among them passively for a moment as they cringed in fear. Smile frogloks! They hesitated for several moments, until one of the frogloks beamed a smile. Kuriak then beat them savagely.

http://img850.imageshack.us/img850/8807/slavesj.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/850/slavesj.jpg/)

http://img405.imageshack.us/img405/5814/slavesdead.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/405/slavesdead.jpg/)

Glowing from the therapeutic maiming of slaves, it was time for Kuriak to go and see Arch Duke Xog to report on the results of his deployment to Faydwer.

Kuriak: Arch Duke Xog, it is an honor to again be in your presence.

Arch Duke Xog: Who are you?

Kuriak: I am Kuriak. My Lord, I have returned from Faydwer victorious. The Crushbone Orcs have been deprived of their slaves, and I had the honor of ending their lives myself. I have brought you this decorative gift basket containing the heads of various slaves with assorted fruits and candies.

Arch Duke Xog: Crushbone? Oh yes, that is right, I did send somebody. Good... good, well done. Kuriak, was it? I have your next assignment.

Arch Duke Xog: The Haggle Baron has granted a group of froglok slaves their freedom. Some time ago, he had agreed to let them buy their freedom if they could prove their worth and dedication to Iksar society. Apparently the group of frogloks worked tirelessly to aid Iksar orphans! They spread charity and good cheer throughout Cabilis!

Kuriak: How awful!

Arch Duke Xog: I know, Kuriak, I know, it's offensive. Now they are hiding deep in the Swamp of No Hope, spreading joy and cheer among exiled Iksar and other frogloks. They are attempting to organize a bake sale, with the proceeds going to crippled Iksar war veterans. Kuriak, this must be stopped. Go forth into the Swamp of No Hope and slay these frogloks. Do this, and you will advance in the Crusaders of Greenmist.

Kuriak: Yes, Arch Duke Xog, I will do this task with pleasure.

http://img855.imageshack.us/img855/225/xog.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/855/xog.jpg/)

[Ephirith]

Chapter V: Pain in the Morass

http://img521.imageshack.us/img521/7660/swampbase.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/521/swampbase.jpg/)

Just outside the gates of Cabilis, a hellish bastion of suffering and savagery sprawls into the horizon. Enormous mosquitos and floppy, phallic leeches lurk in the murky mists and waters, preying on unwary travelers. Here, Kuriak had expected to encounter a ramshackle collective of froglok slaves with limited martial ability. He anticipated the great joy he would feel bringing pain to the defenseless frogloks, but as he took his first steps into the swamp he began to grow uneasy. Leeches began to wiggle into his armor, burrowing into his scales. Constant barrages of mosquitos sought to relieve him of his blood. He persisted toward the froglok enclave, driven by his dedication to the mission. Before long, he spotted a single froglok standing before a ruined pillar, a brownie in his little webbed hand. Bake sale.

Kuriak afflicted the froglok with a disease and then turned to move into the cover of the forest, away from any froglok reinforcements. Before he took even a few steps, the froglok had closed the distance and sunk a dagger into Kuriak's back, critically injuring him. These were no helpless slaves. As Kuriak battled to regain the upper hand against the froglok, he spotted a shaman moving through the clearing, infusing his kin with the spirit of the wolf. Dreadful creatures passed in and out of clusters of trees. Barely able to keep the froglok under control, and exposed to attack from creatures of all sorts, Kuriak focused on his pain and desperation. He tapped into all the evil that festered in his soul and let it boil through his veins, where it was augmented by his connection to Cazic Thule. Dropping his sword, he placed his hand around the froglok's throat and the painful energy immediately coursed into the froglok, exploding in a flash of heat and light. The froglok's head and upper body were blown apart, and it dropped to the ground, limp and lifeless.

Having barely survived the skirmish, Kuriak rested for a moment in the clearing. Though these were obviously combat-ready frogloks, and the forest crawled with powerful creatures, he knew if he were careful and methodical he could survive the risky tactical situation. When his wounds had sufficiently regenerated, Kuriak cautiously approached the camp where the frogloks were being harbored.

http://img210.imageshack.us/img210/2614/spermcamp.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/210/spermcamp.jpg/)

While observing the camp a terrifying creature caught Kuriak by surprise, its dreadful maw agape as it examined the Iksar. Luckily it passed without devouring poor Kuriak. The camp was populated by exiled Iksar who were clearly colluding with the froglok forces. Powerful frogloks wandered among them, moving supplies and casting protective blessings. Apparently the bake sale had been a ruse, as he saw no more delectible treats among the camp's inhabitants. Someone had intended to lure agents of Cabilis into a tactical disaster.

Lacking time to further contemplate the situation, Kuriak slithered into the swampy underbrush and continued his mission. Many of the camp's inhabitants were far too strong to engage, so he moved about, looking for vulnerable frogloks. He dragged them into the clearing where he had a clear view of approaching threats, and was careful never to expose his back to these frogloks as they had a propensity to land deadly backstabs. There was no safe place to rest; he had to be continually aware of the treeline. Time and again deadly foes emerged from behind trees only to be narrowly avoided. Though his situation was fearsome, and all the abominations of the swamp shuffled around him, with care he was able to execute his mission.

After a day and a night of warfare, having dealt considerable damage to the froglok contingent, Kuriak headed west toward the gates of Cabilis. As he left the area he spotted a wondrous sight that warmed his heart and eased his journey home.

http://img718.imageshack.us/img718/8149/frogmosq.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/718/frogmosq.jpg/)

When Kuriak returned to Arch Duke Xog and reported the outcome of his mission, Xog seemed dismissive about the affair and after the initial debriefing he abruptly ceased any further discussion of the matter. Kuriak was quickly and unceremoniously promoted to the rank of Squire and given his Squire's Khukri before he was dismissed. It was clear something was happening; the Crusaders of Greenmist had some knowledge Kuriak lacked. An organized unit of combat-ready frogloks had established a position just outside Cabilis, where they appeared to be gathering supplies and bolstering their magical defenses. Why had the Cruaders been led to believe it was a benevolent group of escaped slaves? He tried to put it out of his mind as he waited to receive his next orders.

[Razdeline]

This is pure epic.

[webrunner5]

Yeah, pretty sick. Keep it coming lol.

[bnehring]

I love reading your updates. Very nice stuff Kuriak!

[ukaking]

Keeps me coming back to the boards, lol

[sbvera13]

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sgQR1h88Auo/TVl31HfYmDI/AAAAAAAAAIs/Czc5AhuRXp8/s1600/MOAR.jpg

[Whelk]

That was my chanter you sold belts to, hehe.

[SamwiseRed]

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQTvOgZJEl-fm7SEA-ZVr_LOxsDU4yPX1YQvh07CSKCNjFsLIVQdQ

[quenyar]

Made me smile and feel all warm and fuzzy... Keep it up - amazing work!

[Darkwulf58]

Ok, that does it, there needs to be a Kuriak Action figure! I'm seeing Kuriak coffee Mugs and Tee's. Different shots of Kuriak with witty slogans. Very niche, very cool. What would be some good Tee's to have?

I Healed Kuriak

Worthy to Group with Kuriak

Kuriak /waved at Me

I Survived Mistmoore with Kuriak ( Replace Mistmoore with your favorite Dungeon or Zone ).

Kuriak was Here

Kuriak for President

[Ephirith]

Chapter VI: Who Rules... the Iksar Kingdom?

Without speaking, the Iksar pulled the hood off of a small, bound humanoid, and out poured a ruffled length of silken hair and two pointy ears. She was kneeling, facing a door. Go inside half elf, the Iksar said before she heard him turn and walk away. Slowly, she moved closer to the door. She reached out to touch it but hesitated for a moment. Before she could move her hand back, a voice from inside said 'Enter', passively, as if occupied by a heavy workload. The half elf waited for a moment and opened the door. Inside, she saw an Iksar seated in a high-backed wooden chair facing a fireplace. He was wearing a velvet robe and in his mouth was a regal, darkwood tobacco pipe. The Iksar took a puff and blew several bubbles into the room.

She stood at the doorway in disbelief for several moments before she decided to speak. When she did, the Iksar did not avert his gaze from the fire. He waited for several moments before slowly raising his head, as if he were deeply reminiscing about past triumphs and gallantry on the field of battle. He looked her in the eyes and she felt her knees weaken slightly. He smiled in a contorted, forced manner as the Iksar do, and said. "Welcome to my home, half elf. Please, make yourself comfortable. I have wine on ice there on the table." She approached cautiously. "It was bottled before Sebilis fell." he said frankly, gesturing at the wine, "You may not have noticed, but the Iksar do not make wine anymore. Who had ever heard of Iksar wine? This is exceedingly rare. On second thought, don't touch the wine, it cost more than you did."

The Iksar turned in his chair. "It is a marvel that this bottle survived the panic as they razed Sebilis-- the chaos. Our records and histories, so little survived.". The half elf looked puzzled by this strange, talkative Iksar, but he seemed not to notice. "Do you know who rules the dust we call Cabilis, elf?" She was silent. "No? I can assure you it is not Emperor Vekkin. Who controls the flow of goods and services throughout all of Cabilis? He sells you fresh food to bring home to your family. His mining operations feed the forges that armor our soldiers. Do you think Vekkin's meager taxes pay the salaries for so many legionnaires? War Baron Eator belongs to me. The necromancers, do they mind? Don't worry about them. They're nihilists, they don't care about anything. Glox sits in stupor. And you might find it difficult to make it into the ranks of the Scaled Mystics without my endorsement, or to endure expensive training in mysticism without my funding.

"And the Crusaders of Greenmist? You may notice they never seem to catch so much as a copper from me. Poorly trained, poorly equipped, they are a mockery, a last resort for desperate Iksar. Arch Duke Xog is helpless and impotent, his knights a scattered band of ineffectual hooligans."

"Elf, they sit in their shining towers and dreadful temples, and they bark orders to one another. But at the foot of their towers, in this plain building, in these barren and dusty halls, rests all the power and influence. They do not rule Cabilis; the Haggle Baron Klok rules Cabilis, as he now rules you, maiden. Remove your clothing and show me my new assets while I stroke my Klok."

http://img163.imageshack.us/img163/7332/kurn2.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/163/kurn2.jpg/)

It had been several days since Kuriak had reported to Arch Duke Xog and he still hadn't heard anything. He spent some of his money dining on froglok tadpoles elegantly prepared in a bisque of emulsified goblin fetuses. Some of his money went to outfitting young Iksar, including a shaman named Zellana, who he equipped with a suit of banded and a deadly harpoon. He would need allies in the future and he hoped to cultivate a band of loyal Iksar.

While waiting for further orders he joined a detachment of Iksar from all disciplines in an expedition into Kurn's tower. There, they met foreigners who also had some interest in what may be guarded in the ruins. He spent several days fighting the skeletons and amassed enough bone chips to raise an army of undead. He learned to shatter the psyches of his enemies with unbearable terror and make them flee. He could coalesce strands of pure darkness into the physical world and burden his enemies with it, slowing their movement.

While resting with his party, a fellow Crusader delivered dispatches from Arch Duke Xog himself, instructing Kuriak to return to Cabilis and report at once.

http://img190.imageshack.us/img190/4792/kurn.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/190/kurn.jpg/)

He arrived to find Arch Duke Xog on his balcony, looking out over Cabilis with a blank expression. When Kuriak arrived Xog did not turn to face him, he simply spoke.

Arch Duke Xog: Kuriak, in consideration of the information I am about to disclose, and the following assignment, I am promoting you to the rank of Knight, a full member of the Crusaders of Greenmist. This Knight's Khukri will no longer be much use in combat but it will ceremonially signify your rank and title. Keep it safe.

Arch Duke Xog: We have reason to believe the forces of Sebilis are plotting an offensive. We also have evidence they are receiving aid from their brethren in Guk.

Xog hesitated a moment, and turned to face Kuriak. There was great distress in his voice as he spoke.

Arch Duke Xog: Further, we believe the frogloks are colluding with somebody inside Cabilis. We need evidence. We need to find the traitor. To that end, Kuriak, I am deploying you to the froglok enclave in Guk. Once there, you are to hinder their operation in any way possible. Search for any intelligence you can find, and disrupt their capability to be of use to Sebilis. You are a knight now Kuriak, and we are granting you a small budget for the recruitment and retention of Pawns. Now travel to Guk, and do not return without news of victory.

Refreshed from a delightful stay in Cabilis, Kuriak prepared for his second overseas deployment, this time to the swamps of southern Antonica.

[Ephirith]

Chapter VII: The Guk Campaign

There is no doubt the frogloks consider themselves a peaceful and righteous race; as walking embodiments of the values of their creator, Mithaniel Marr. And though they might otherwise have much in common with the self-proclaimed 'good' races of Norrath, who also have their own ostentatious 'morals', the frogloks are far too fanatical to accept heathen outsiders with hospitality. Those races the frogloks view as wicked are slain outright in arbitrary moral judgment. Oftentimes, when Kuriak dragged a froglok into the shadows and pulled one of its arms off, or gnawed contently on one of its legs, it would quickly abandon its whimpered prayers and scream and croak for mercy. When it finally died, its last thoughts had nothing to do with courage, justice, or dedication to Mithaniel Marr. There was only terror, a pain-soaked and primal fear that lingered in its amphibian eyes long after Kuriak scooped them out, inserted a toothpick, and enjoyed a froglok-blood martini.

Kuriak interpreted this as signifying, above all, that fear was the ultimate force in the universe-- and that the metaphysical essence of terror, Cazic Thule, blessed his cause.

http://img193.imageshack.us/img193/8233/gukmission1.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/193/gukmission1.jpg/)

Kuriak knew this was going to be a long deployment, and it might be some time before he returned to Cabilis. He carried enough beetle bakes, water, bandages, and bone chips to last for weeks should he be unable to resupply in Antonica, as well as 125 platinum to cover travel expenses and unforeseen costs.

He left the gates of Cabilis once more and made his way through Warsliks Woods to the ancient Iksar shipyards of the Overthere, where he was able to pay a wizard to take him to Nektulos.

From there, he made his way across the great deserts and plains of eastern Antonica, finally arriving in Innothule swamp after arduous travel. With his reptilian orifices itchy and containing a considerable quantity of sand, he was actually happy to see a damp swamp and he quickly immersed himself in the warm, muddy water.

The entrance to Guk was guarded by nothing more than froglok young and inexperienced pawns. However, Kuriak quickly found that the deeper areas were guarded by groups of far more powerful frogloks, aided by shamans. This was more than Kuriak could handle himself, so he sought an alternate way in. He swam down a lightly guarded tunnel and found a writhing nest of black spiders. He began to fight his way through them with much difficulty. While resting and suffering the effects of their poison, a powerful pair of elves approached from the tunnel behind him, a Teir`Dal and Feir`Dal working in concert.

The dark elf bathed Kuriak in a swirling torrent of flame that coursed around him, but strangely did not burn, and the wood elf gave Kuriak's scales the hardness of steel.

http://img201.imageshack.us/img201/6987/guk1.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/201/guk1.jpg/)

Having demonstrated the strength of their magic, they continued on their way. Just before the dark elf disappeared down the tunnel, however, she turned to Kuriak and spoke to him.

Morloth: Archduke Xog is a foolish and small minded lordling. He does not see your true potential.

Kuriak: Xog has given me everything.

The dark elf shook her head with contempt.

Morloth: He seeks only to hold on to his meager gains in the ruins of the Iksar empire. There is a world to conquer and he does not see it. The true path of conquest lies with Hate... with Innoruuk.

Kuriak: I serve Cabilis above all.

Morloth: It is this inward focus that led to the ruin of your once great civilization. You may gain entrance to the halls of Neriak by giving red wine to a drunken merchant. From there you will see how a true empire is created... by manipulation of others. Hate be with you young shadow knight.

When she finished speaking the dark elf abruptly continued toward the depths of Guk, leaving a trail of flames and the smoldering remnants of spiders behind her. Kuriak had no intention of betraying Arch Duke Xog, and his connection to Cazic Thule had saved his life in the Swamp of No Hope. However, Morloth had displayed a great deal of power and an unsettling knowledge of Iksar politics. When his mission was over he would consider this further.

Unable to penetrate Guk's defenses by himself, Kuriak returned to the entrance where he was able to recruit several agents who were interested in plundering Guk's wealth. Together, they began to engage the frogloks' more formidable defenses and slowly advanced through the narrow halls. Kuriak sought not only to damage Guk itself, but also to search for any means possible to gather useful intelligence, particularly regarding Guk's cooperation with Sebilis and the frogloks of Kunark.

One of Kuriak's colleagues told him of the existence of a froglok enchanter known as The Scryer. He told of how the Scryer harnessed incomprehensible mental energy to project his consciousness and communicate with others over long distances-- perhaps even to Kunark. Encouraged by the prospect of having a nice conversation with the Scryer, the party drove onward.

Eventually they entered an expansive hall with a gilded spa and two massive founts of flowing water. In the back of the room was an altar, and upon the altar stood a froglok engrossed in a deep trance. As Kuriak moved closer, his head began to ache. His senses dulled. All the sounds around him became muffled and distant; his sight blurred and filled with coronas. He looked to his group mates, who were wincing and stumbling. With great difficulty, Kuriak attempted to afflict the meditating froglok with a disease. The spell dissipated almost immediately, and the froglok was unaffected. Suddenly, the dull ache in his brain intensified into a sharp, nearly unbearable pain. A voice spoke in his mind. Dharmoni. Zareph. Kuriak. Keroro. Dororo. I look in your minds and see naught but wickedness and greed. Heretics. Savages. Invaders. Little of Kuriak's vision remained discernable, but it was enough to see the froglok suddenly standing before him, eyes closed, a battle-axe in hand. The voice spoke again, clearer now, louder. Angry. Kuriak of Cabilis, Crusader of Greenmist. You will be interrogated.. The froglok opened its eyes.

Kuriak began to convulse as his mind crumbled. His eyes rolled back and he dropped to the ground, shaking and hissing uncontrollably. Then, in an instant, the pain dissipated and his senses returned, unaltered. He felt a strange numbness and tingling throughout his body. He turned toward his ally, the rogue Dororo. In the corner of his vision, he saw the Scryer swinging his axe frantically at his party. He didn't care. Kuriak casually walked toward Deroro, who was clearly still suffering mental bombardment. He placed his left hand on Dororo's shoulder, and with his other hand drove his sword through the rogue.

The dark elf collapsed with a look of horror on his face. Kuriak strolled around the room, swinging his sword at his groupmates. Keroro, a fellow Iksar and disciple of Grandmaster Glox, attempted to deliver a deadly strike upon the Scryer, who was relentlessly battering the cleric. Kuriak leaped in front of the blow, blocking it with his shield. He then swung with all his might at the monk's neck, but Keroro ducked out of the way. Kuriak pursued the monk, slashing with his sword in an attempt to land a decisive blow. The Iksar Swifttail had spent long periods of his life entranced in deep, meditative introspection as do all of Glox's disciples. His disciplined mind was thus hardened against the Scryer's energies, and better able to resist the assault on his sanity. Though he did feel some obscure oddness and fuzziness, the Iksar retained surprising mental clarity. He easily dodged Kuriak's sluggish and uncoordinated attacks, but found it hard to save the rest of the group.

The Scryer continued assailing the cleric, who was out of mana and critically wounded. He swung his axe and struck the dwarf's shield, sending him sprawling, limp and barely alive, into the corner. The Scryer turned to refocus his assault on the beleaguered Swifttail. To his surprise, the monk moved with coordinated grace and quickness. The Scryer began to focus the strength of his mind into a spell. His webbed hands began to glow red as they became charged with energy, until it was released toward the monk with a thunderous roar. Keroro felt his perception of reality waver as the energy rushed over him, and his strong mind begin to unravel as the spell overcame his mental discipline. The Swifttail knelt to the ground and gripped his head, attempting to resist insanity.

Kuriak calmly walked toward the monk. The Scryer also moved toward the monk, stepping over the dark elf crumpled on the floor, and raised his axe, preparing to cleave the suffering Iksar. Kuriak placed his left hand upon Keroro's shoulder. The froglok then felt a jolt, and then a sharp pain as a long knife entered his back. Kuriak also shuddered and froze. The rogue, severely wounded, had barely managed to stand and deliver the blow. With all his strength, he pushed on the weapon and drove it deep into the froglok.

In an instant, Kuriak collapsed to the ground, unconscious. The froglok began to thrash at the rogue, who dove out of the way. Keroro seized an opportunity to finish the froglok. The Iksar grabbed the Scryer around the neck from behind, and sent his foot driving into the back of the froglok's knee. He turned his body with the falling froglok and drove his weight toward the ground, sending the froglok falling onto his back. With remarkable speed and force, the monk then brought his staff whistling down through the air, where it landed upon the froglok's forehead and shattered its sturdy skull.

There was a sharp crack as the field of immense psychic energy dissipated. The party's headaches began to fade, and their senses returned.

Several moments later, Kuriak stumbled to his feet in a daze and stood over the fallen enchanter.

http://img849.imageshack.us/img849/2155/guk4.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/849/guk4.jpg/)

He remembered only entering the Scryer's room, and a splitting headache, but had no recollection of the brawl. Confused, he began to recognize thoughts in his head that were not his own.

Memories, knowledge, and foreign emotions raged in his thoughts. He spoke with his group, and apparently the Scryer had taken control of Kuriak's mind during the battle and used him as a weapon, as a puppet. Kuriak was furious, and disappointed. They had nearly been killed and the Scryer had given them no useful information. The group retreated from Guk to tend to their wounds, and went their separate ways.

As Kuriak walked through the swamp near Guk, still feeling fairly lightheaded and confused, he spotted a froglok fishing in the swamp. Several strange words entered his mind. After a moment he recognized the words as froglok. He stood for a moment and watched the froglok cast his lure into the swamp. He kept thinking of strange words and phrases. One word stood out to him; he heard it in his mind repeatedly:

Tolapumj


.

[Razdeline]

go big kuriak

[myxomatosii]

Over the weekend I was stuck out of town in a hotel room with no internet, while browsing the forums here on my phone I came across this post and let me just say thank you. This post provided me a brief sanctuary from the boredom that is a conference with no wifi in your room and spotty wifi in the main hub a 10 minutes walk away. So terribad.

I look forward to reading more. Oh and I can finally look at the photos, yay!

[Aicha]

Just stumbled over this by accident. Very entertaining! :D

[Snagglepuss]

I love reading different player fan fiction. WTB Porgat's Adventures!

[Ephirith]

Chapter VIII: The Crusader Returns

Castle Mistmoore has a long and prestigious reputation as a bustling hive of debauchery and deviance. From the safety of his gloomy halls, the everliving vampire Mayong Mistmoore rules over a harem of buxom dark elf women who have a cultlike obsession with their leader. Some believe the powerful vampire influences their minds and commands their loyalty with a highly addictive substance made of magically infused moonlight, while others think his wealth is so great and his figure so dashing that dark elves come from all over the world to join his lecherous parties.
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http://imageshack.us/a/img196/3595/77462817.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/196/77462817.jpg/)
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Kuriak awoke to find himself on the ground, looking into a sky obscured by a thick purple mist. The last thing he remembered was losing his mind and walking deep into the swamps outside Guk. He felt as though he was just waking from a dream that had last for months; his mind was filled with strange visions and cloudy memories that vanished rapidly as he regained focus.

With great effort he turned his head and spotted a large castle adorned with the insignia of Mayong Mistmoore. He lay outside the castle at the edge of the ravine, but before he could gather any more information he heard the echo of footsteps from below. A procession of lascivious dark elven women and gargoyles came into sight, headed for the afternoon castle orgy. Kuriak closed his eyes and pretended to be dead as they passed.
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http://imageshack.us/a/img685/1636/congaline.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/685/congaline.jpg/)
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After they were gone, Kuriak rose to his feet and augmented his form with shadows, obscuring him from view, and began to search for a safe place to clear his head. He had never seen such a high concentration of females before. He recalled an ancient Iksar proverb, which stated:

If women weren’t meant to be in the kitchen, then why do they have milk and eggs inside of them?

And suddenly Kuriak had clarity of purpose. He didn’t know how he ended up in Mistmoore, but he knew this place was an abomination and their behavior had to be corrected. Mobs of women cavorting and rubbing against eachother-- Lasna Cheroon splashing playfully in a bathtub with her girlfriends while Xicotl watches through the keyhole- disgusting. Only the Iksar woman is worthy of such behavior.

He emerged from the shadows and began slaughtering tangled, moaning clusters of women and gargoyles. Kuriak had a gleam in his eye and with every severed teir`dal limb he grew happier and more focused. He looked forward to reporting his success here to Arch Duke Xog when he finally returned to Cabilis.
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http://imageshack.us/a/img41/6862/kitchenu.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/41/kitchenu.jpg/)
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Mission complete.

[Tecmos Deception]

All I know is two things.

1) this thread is awesome

and

2) there is something seriously wrong with those 2 chicks on the left; WTF is sticking up over top of the Caster Mistmoore banner?

[phobus]

All I know is two things.

1) this thread is awesome

and

2) there is something seriously wrong with those 2 chicks on the left; WTF is sticking up over top of the Caster Mistmoore banner?

Judging by the thing to the left of the left-most woman's legs, err.. tails?

You know what they say in the Neriak Foreign Quarter: the bluer the berry, the sweeter the juice!

[philbertpk]

this is awesome!!!

[Spud]

This is great.

[Arkanjil]

Chapter VIII: The Crusader Returns

If women weren’t meant to be in the kitchen, then why do they have milk and eggs inside of them?


ROFL love this quote and love the stories man, good reads.

[Tasslehofp99]

ty, cool read

[Ephirith]

Chapter IX: Crusader Auxiliary Corps

Attention all Cabilisians!

By order of the Crusaders of Greenmist and by the authority of Arch Duke Xog and Crusader Kuriak, any iksar who wishes to serve the Empire may be eligible for funding and sponsorship by the Crusaders of Greenmist. In the interest of conquest and terror, the ancient and honored order of knights will provide resources for the arming and armoring of novice iksar warriors, monks, shamans, shadow knights, and necromancers.

Those Cabilisians who wish to serve should contact Crusader Kuriak, or the Scaled Mystic liaison, Finistere. If approved, you will be notified to report to Cabilis to be outfitted and begin your service.
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Arch Duke Xog gazed drearily into the murky canals and crumbling masonry sprawling beneath him. For decades he had worked tirelessly to see this once great state rebuilt. He had sent countless knights to distant and unknown shores where they had surely found lonely deaths at the hands of a world that hated Cabilis and everything it stood for. He longed to see all who were opposed to Cabilis destroyed or enslaved- he dreamt of his glorious knights leading dwarves and halflings around on leashes crafted from elven entrails.

It was time for a new approach. Xog knew he had to escalate his campaigns in order for the iksar to regain their former glory. Some of his knights had brought home wealth from their campaigns— slaves, trade goods, platinum, and magical artifacts plundered from the far reaches of Norrath. He had to find new recruits and outfit them for defense and conquest. He needed someone to coordinate these efforts; someone with experience abroad.

Xog’s pondering was interrupted by a figure emerging from the mist—an iksar, clad in the blackened-green raiment of the Crusaders of Greenmist with a Crusader’s Khukri sheathed at his side. As he approached the Temple of Terror, Xog was able to recognize him. It was Kuriak, a knight he had thought lost in an attack on Guk. It had been many months since anyone in the military had heard from him.

http://imageshack.us/a/img100/6269/saluteq.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/100/saluteq.jpg/)

Kuriak walked toward Xog and kneeled before him.

Kuriak: Arch Duke Xog, I was able to infiltrate the outer layers of Guk and neutralize the one called Scryer. I have brought intelligence regarding the frogloks’ strategic situation. But my victory came at a cost- the Scryer’s magics affected my mind… left it crumbling into insanity as I hobbled out of Guk. For months I roamed, but I do not remember, and I was not myself. I report to you now with all of my faculties, fully restored and ready to serve.

Arch Duke Xog: Kuriak. I dream of a day when I never need to hear another word that isn’t spoken in lizardman. For all your efforts you are still as wretched and disposable as the day your lowborn body congealed out of scum and miasma- the mere idea of your existence brings me pain.

Kuriak: Thank you sir.

Xog turned away from Kuriak and glanced into the distance.

Arch Duke Xog: Even so, your body of work has brought me closer to realizing my dream. Your next assignment will be very much unlike anything you have done before. This time, you will not be killing children or eating their pets. Instead, you will be outfitting an entire corps to do those beautiful things. I have approved a limited amount of funding for your efforts. Speak with Lord Qyzar for the specifics.
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Are you just starting on the server? Recently started and dirt poor? Did you make an elf and want to play a race that doesn’t disappoint your parents?

Since I’ve started on P99, so many people have shown such generosity. I am by no means rich compared to a lot of people on this server, but I’ve got enough at the moment to help some people out.

If you are near Cabilis and interested in some help, send me a tell if you see me online on Kuriak or Finistere. I have my 51 shaman parked in Cabilis with some money and items, and I’d be happy to make you a suit of banded armor, give you an item or weapon if I have one available, and a bit of plat. I just ask that you meet several conditions:

-At least level 3
-At most level 20

-Iksar
*Or*
-If non-iksar, prove your loyalty to Cabilis by learning Lizardman and coming to Cabilis.

-Don’t be twinked, I’d prefer to help people who need it.

-I’ll be doing this for as long as I have the funds to do so.

On that note, I am also looking to buy some cheap low level weapons. I have an EC mule:
-Wu’s Quivering Staffs
-Swords of Skyfire
-Jsticks
-etc

If you’re a new iksar, send a tell and get some free stuff!

[sakone]

This inspires me to make that Wood Elf Rogue....

[runlvlzero]

Great story, Love the MM art I have a copy of that one O.o and this deserves a bump above the R99'er threads and blue trollins. Thanks Khuriak!

[Ephirith]

Chapter X: Kuriak Gets Addicted to Pie

Most outsiders assume the iksar’s spartan lifestyle and tendency to avoid luxuries is something innate about their race. To most observers, the culinary options in Cabilis are bland and fairly homogenous—beetle bakes, cactus tarts, and other crude cuisine made from surrounding plant and animal life. A more bold and decadent iksar may opt for milk instead of water or bloodwater. In reality, much of this is a conscious philosophical choice that has been systematically propagated by iksar society, from generation to generation. Underneath the mental discipline, iksar have just as much fondness for luxuries as any other creature, and it is common knowledge that when an iksar is able to obtain coveted foreign luxury goods they sometimes avail themselves in secret.

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http://imageshack.us/a/img685/6305/cabbagesepaph.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/685/cabbagesepaph.jpg/)

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This was the first time Kuriak had been stationed in Cabilis on a domestic assignment. Arch Duke Xog placed him in charge of requisitions for new iksar soldiers on behalf of the Crusaders of Greenmist. He was now working with other branches— administrator Finistere, a scaled mystic, helped manage Crusader funds and forge armor, while Trooper Sarkhan Thistlescale and Crusader Xoloth supplied additional services and materials.

In his first week on this assignment, Kuriak outfitted seven new recruits— three monks, two shadow knights, and two shamans. One day, while walking from his office in the Temple of Terror to the forge, he spotted something peculiar among the cargo at the docks.

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http://imageshack.us/a/img100/8012/cupcakek.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/100/cupcakek.jpg/)

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Kuriak approached the objects and examined them closely. These were pies! Sweets! He had seen them during his stay in Neriak and among the other peoples of Antonica and Faydwer. What were they doing in Cabilis? Kuriak looked to see if anyone was nearby, and saw nobody besides Crusader Golia, who was walking toward Klok Wyga-- undoubtedly to be serviced behind her tent.

With nobody around, Kuriak picked up one of the pies and took a bite. Immediately he was overcome with a strange and staggeringly powerful euphoria. He sat down for a moment and reflected on what had just been one of the most pleasurable sensations in his entire life. He then quickly scooped the remaining treats into his pack and continued toward the forge. Behind him, Klok Wyga emerged from behind her tent and tossed an egg into the canal, followed by Crusader Golia who continued his patrol.

For the rest of the day Kuriak could hardly concentrate on his work. His mind kept wandering to the delicious morsels hidden in his pack. When his work for the day was finally complete, he left the Temple of Terror and discretely walked into some empty, ruined buildings along the canal. He glanced around before quickly removing the remaining cupcake and pie from his pack. His hands were shaking. He had been anticipating this all day. Like a ravenous beast, he stuffed the treats into his mouth and then slumped over on the ground in ecstasy. He had to get more.

The next afternoon, Kuriak returned to the docks to try and figure out who was responsible for the food he had found there. He ripped open containers, flinging building materials and pickled froglok parts all over the docks, finding nothing useful. Frustrated, he sat on a crate and looked around. No iksar would benefit from smuggling pies into Cabilis. The Haggle Baron monopolized most of the city’s food production and would have nothing to gain from citizens suddenly demanding exotic goods he couldn’t provide without a middleman. Kuriak could scarcely conceive of faction leaders being involved in such petty corruption. He sat up and was about to leave when he noticed the froglok parts scattered around from the crates he smashed.

Frogloks had a reputation for using excessive happiness and goodwill to undermine the strict discipline and focus that characterized iksar society. They had even been accused of running bake sales and charities. Kuriak rushed over to the slave lodgings near the Tink N Babble. Sure enough, he spotted a trio of jolly frogloks kneading dough and joyfully preparing pies.

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http://imageshack.us/a/img546/8752/froglokbakers.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/546/froglokbakers.jpg/)

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Kuriak emerged from behind the wall and smashed the first froglok’s skull with his mace, killing him instantly. Nearby, the second froglok froze in terror. Kuriak began channeling the lifeforce from the horrified froglok; it trembled and convulsed for a moment before dropping limply to the ground, lifeless. Seeing his two comrades slaughtered before him, the third froglok charged Kuriak, swinging his little fists wildly. Kuriak swung his mace in a wide arc, striking the front of the froglok and shattering its body.

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http://imageshack.us/a/img542/6731/frogcorpse.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/542/frogcorpse.jpg/)

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With the frogloks neutralized, Kuriak began frantically gathering all the pies, cupcakes, muffins, root beer, and cookies he could find. In a room nearby, he found a messy pile of cookbooks from all over the world, and a note stamped with the seal of occupied Sebilis. It read:

Operatives,

This collection of cookbooks should prove useful in your task. Make sure to leave the pies where the iksar will find them, but not where they’re unable to take them without their ilk noticing. As always, it is imperative that you destroy this message.

-Chef

Kuriak pocketed the note and looted the last of the cupcakes before skulking out of the ruined building and into an alley behind some shops. He sat for a moment, and it began to drizzle a little bit. The knight started pulling cupcakes and pies from his backpack and devouring them. He went into a blissful trance, pulling treats from his pack and eating them until he began to feel sick— then continued eating anyway. He fell backwards onto his back, a piece of pie in his hand. With the last of his willpower he tried to raise the pie to his mouth, but he fell into a stupor as the rain started to pour on his sleeping body.

http://imageshack.us/a/img121/7233/passedout.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/121/passedout.jpg/)

[Lagaidh]

Hahah! /clap

If only Hedbonker were here. She always has pie!

[Sarkhan]

Kuriak should have known better, he deserved that sugar induced comatose.

[Splorf22]

I love those screenshots. No pants!

[runlvlzero]

I too have an addiction to pie. Its not just a lizardman problem.

[Slave]

He took a delicious bullet for Cabilis.

[Splorf22]

MORE PIE

[Aegnarion]

[[ I Must say bravo. Never knew these threads existed great to see a fellow RP'er ]]

[Aicha]

Awesome. :D

[Galelor]

This is really very entertaining!

[Brutal_X]

The story is great! But, is there seriously a guild that is helping new ikkys out like you stated on the first page on here? Im probably making a shaman or SK once my Titanium edition gets in from Amazon, and i was curious as to if anyone could help me out, thanks! :)

[Aegnarion]

The story is great! But, is there seriously a guild that is helping new ikkys out like you stated on the first page on here? Im probably making a shaman or SK once my Titanium edition gets in from Amazon, and i was curious as to if anyone could help me out, thanks! :)

[[ Great to hear you will be starting out on the server, sadly this is an old thread afaik it doesn't exist no more, just history being remembered! ]]

[Ephirith]

The story is great! But, is there seriously a guild that is helping new ikkys out like you stated on the first page on here? Im probably making a shaman or SK once my Titanium edition gets in from Amazon, and i was curious as to if anyone could help me out, thanks! :)

It's not a guild, just me and a few other individuals who have pitched in some items. When you finally do get started just message me on Kuriak or Finistere if I'm on, or send me a PM. I keep my shaman parked in Cabilis and he can make you some banded and give you a little plat. Most of the weapons are gone but I may get more soon.

[[ Great to hear you will be starting out on the server, sadly this is an old thread afaik it doesn't exist no more, just history being remembered! ]]

Nah I still play, just been a little busy the last few weeks. New players and the like-- definitely contact me if you need help, I outfitted an iksar earlier today.

[uygi]

Was hoping Kuriak might have some hilarious take on today's BotB since I saw him in attendance.

[Brutal_X]

That would be great ephirith! Thanks!

[Brutal_X]

Ordered EQ:Titanium today! Says it will get here on Thursday or somtime after that, seya than fellow players!

[Brutal_X]

I am planning on creating that ikky SK soon if some banded is still up for grabs :D