Project 1999 - Playing nice with others

I play this game for fun. I don't give a shit about being the best whatever class I'm playing or how fucking awesome my pixels are. I just want to push buttons and murder 19 year old animations. That said, there are a number of players that are of the other extreme. They enjoy the button pushing and murdering as much as I do. But, they are the type that never learned basic social skills as a child. Their mommies probably didn't hug them enough or some shit like that. Who knows.

The problem I seem to run into isn't totaly with these people though. It is actually the people I play with on the regular. I like them a lot. They are actually very kind and knowledgeable about the game. If I run off and do something completely retarded they will come and fix it. Even if I beg them not to. Really. They are great. However, when we run into a situation where someone else has clearly done something very stupid (intentional or not) my guild mates become very aggressive.

Mind you, they have every right to be pissed off at these situations. We only get to play for 2 hours or so together and some ass-hat comes by and ruins it. Nothing like spending 1/4 or 1/2 of your available time on CRs due to no fault of your own. But this is where I diverge from my compatriots.

I have no issue with letting someone know they are a dumb ass. But, to me at least, that is enough. But for my friends it never is. They will get into /ooc or /tell and start a bitch fest with the person(s) at fault and I find it very tiresome. I try to encourage them to settle down. But they just wont have it. It's as if it becomes their personal responsibility to discipline bad actions. It is extremely irritating to me. I know some (maybe even most) of these people are genuinely being dicks and deserve a good tongue lashing. But it never seems worth the effort that is being put forth to ridicule and scold them.

It has been my experience that engaging with anyone who is being a dick is never worth it in P99. Anyone that is being a douche is doing so in order to illicit a response. Either they are trying to bully you or find a twisted satisfaction upon receiving a angry response. I can see by the wording of their responses that they are well practiced in their rebuttals and discourse. They are using the situation to try to goad someone into going to far. Some of them are really masterful at this and thus why I try to encourage my guild mates to cease talking to them. It's simply a game that they shouldn't play thus not worth the wear and tear on their keyboards.

So, my question to you is two parts. How should one deal with ass-hats that lets them know you are not going to submit to them while also not giving them the satisfaction they are clearly looking for? Also, how should I approach my friends that lets them know I love them and calms their nips when these situations arise?