Behold what these goomer Illuminators have put in our acolytes' triptychs!!!!!!
 

https://i.imgur.com/1FBxSfF.jpg
TO ARMS

I have only just learnt, through the townsquare postingboard, that ABOVE illumination by an anonymous, but clearly degenerated Vicar, is certain to be available for study through the sick, pornographic library of our local Lord, who treats by the by with semitic vagabonds adorned in gold. God only knew what they did in the Bloody Wood to the west of the crossroad at the rumored night gatherings until we discovered this through an anonymous Samaritan. I say now, but it is quite clear.

My bastard, whom I have sent to the Abbey at great expense to my Estate, and for no reason but the good of my heart and the warm regard I once held for his young mother, could have been exposed to this, nay, forced to copy it with the same precision as is done for exercise with the Good Book. I daresay this is no Christian education. It is only a matter of time before he too is made the undying agent of the immortal wizards of the East, whose physical avatars only show fleshly weakness upon the days of the Saints or Lord. I therefore propose that posthaste we all good men, of commerce or agrarian, assemble in our Grove upon the Sabbath to take up arms, be they pike or sabre or kirn or jackknife, to enforce trial-and-judgment by magical inquisition upon these agents of Satan foreign and Domestic. Please do bring rope and flammable oils.

Yours in Christ,
Buttfuckiamus Buttfuckimus Esq.
Knight Literary

Nice flail and attempt but you forgot to add the parts that are funny.

2/10

An Egytian mummy, buried for 5000 years as yet undiscovered has been uncovered.
Encased in gold leaf, i name thee Pharaoh Rocher.

That was slightly better

Where's the rest of it?

haha a horse did a poo poo on the man standing under its rear haha hoho how unexpected

lurk more

haha a horse did a poo poo on the man standing under its rear haha hoho how unexpected