TLAOTW:The End Times: Chapter 1
 

Filbus Furyfoot, body servant to Tekilya Wu’Tang and the beautiful Florid Lotus, came waddling over with a huge grin on his face.
“Hey Tek! Let’s go get some lunch eh? Or maybe we can train some more!”

Filbus started kicking and karate chopping the air in imitation of Tekilya, doing his best to put on his war face as he attacked the invisible opponents all around him.

“I don't know Filbus, I’m starting to get worried about Florid, she hasn’t returned from Permafrost yet. She was only after was a Zharns Circlet to complete her Purple Headband quest, she should have returned days ago”

A knock at the door. Tekilya watched as a grotesque figure slithered inside. Sudden relief poured into Tekilya and he couldn’t help but smile when he saw who came in – Kekephee

“Ah, Keke, how goes the road dear messenger boy” Tekilya said mockingly.
Kekephee had been apprehended by the Freeport militia and was in a rehabilitation program due to the trouble he and Chest had caused in the Plane of Sky. BDA’s failed rebellion was still fresh on everyone’s mind.

“Bite me Monk, BDA will rise again one day! The world shall tremble in our….” Kekehee was suddenly cut off as the air in the room seemed to come alive. A bolt of lightning appeared from nowhere and shot into Kekephees skull, he soiled himself as he hit the ground.

“Careful now Kekephee, don’t forget” Tekilya said as he tapped a finger to the side of his head, “the Wizards guild is always watching.”

As a condition of Kekephees rehabilitation from the failed BDA takeover of Sky, he was ritually tattooed with runes so that he could be tracked and punished at will by the Wizards guild. Arch Magus Calias had overseen the proceeding personally.

“Yes yes, enough of that business, I have a letter for you” Kekephee said.

Tekilya opened the letter and began reading. He stood staring in silence for what seemed an eternity before Furyfoot thought to speak up.

“What is is Tek?” Filbus asked, barely able to constrain his excitement. “Is it from Master Wu? Do we get to go to Freeport again?”

“No, its not from Master Wu” Tekilya replied. “Filbus stay here and watch Siza and Bolloxxs, I need to go get Florid”

“Awww, why can’t I come Teky?” Filbus asked, obvious disappointed.

“She has discovered something in Permafrost and needs my help. A machine of some kind…”

MEANWHILE IN PERMAFROST…..

Happyhealz stood in line with the other applicants as Muthai walked to inspect the ranks. Happy had been demoted from the Heal Chain after a wipe earlier in the week. He was now relegated to buff-bot duty with the other apps until he could redeem himself in Sensei Hoskushin’s eyes.

“Where do we stand for the week” Hoskushin asked to no one in particular, his officers all assembled behind him.

“We lost Cazic Thule, Vyemm, LTK, Vula…”

“DO NOT SPEAK TO ME OF VULAK” Hokushin hissed.

The officers fell silent.

“The time is at hand and my body is ready. Never again shall we lose an FTE to the rebel alliance”

The Rampage officers stared on in horror as Hoku loaded himself into a monsterous machine. As the hand and feet restraints clasped shut, Hokushin closed his eyes and smiled.

“With this device, I shall infuse my body with mechanical properties and gain the reflexes of 100 men”

Snoozberry looked at a crate near the machine – a box labeled “Autofire software” lay discarded.

“Excuse me Sensei” Snoozbeery said, “ I have heard that this type of technology is dangerous. Emperor Rogean strictly forbids us from infusing our senses with 3rd party programs. He will send Warlord Sirken to slaughter us all!”

Hokushin opened his eyes and looked at Snoozberry. He held his gaze on Snooz for several moments before looking over at Muthai and then closing his eyes again.

Like a viper in the night Mutahi attacked, snatching an eye from Snoozberrys face. Snoozberry screamed in agony as he flailed about the room.

“Any more objections?” Hokushin calmly asked. No one spoke.

“Very good. EXALT! Start the machine”

“Der der der, yessum massa” Exalt squealed as he flipped the machine on.

As the machine started grinding Hoksushin's flesh away and replacing it with machinery, all anyone could hear were screams of pure agony. But as time went on, those screams became laughter, uncontrollable maniacal laughter.


Florid Lotus had climbed the outside of the tower and now looked on from her vantage point on a window ledge. She had seen the army assembling and sent for Tekilya days ago, but now she knew the threat was all too real. Cyborg monks with machine like reflexes were coming to Norrath, who knew what the future would hold for them.

Suddenly she was falling. What had happened? As the ground rushed forward to meet her, Samila cackled from the shadows of the tower as he rushed to inform the Rampage officers of the intruder.

Darkness took Floid Lotus's mind....

first, tldr

is this another one of those erotic threads about me?

Go outside

Not realistic. I don't think we've ever won Vulak, CT, Vyemm and LTK in the same week.

a breif history on offical P99 lore for you...

Tekilya Wu'Tang and Florid Lotus are married. You saved me as Chest threw my unconscious body from island 1.5 in Plane of Sky by diving through the air and dragging me from the waters of East Freeport Bay to the docks, where we made love for hours and I impregnated you with twins (Bollokks and Siza ).

Filbus is our servant and Kekephee is now bound to the will of Calias and the Wizards guild. Chests whereabouts are unknown at this time. Rebbon, Trolololol, and other various BDA minions were killed by my hand.

Now it appears that a cyborg monk is making trouble in Perma Frost. More on this story to come....

This can all be confirmed in my signature under "The Lost Adventure of Tekilya Wu'Tang and Filbus Furyfoot". TLAOTW is now the short hand as I have cut Filbus from the title since he is an assistant hero and manservant, and not really a full time hero. Its a Batman and Robin type relationship with Robin (AKA Filbus) being more like Alfred than Robin.

Tekilya arrived late to the ancient Temple of Veeshan. His monkly brothers and sisters had already assembled and were working feverishly deep in the northern section of the temple to pry what riches they could from the temple's ancient denizens.

But the monk had brought no idol from the Shralok Orcs.... Indeed, he had no enchanted scythe from the Teir'Dal, nor netting from the twisted jailers of Permafrost. Not even a mallet from the hideous troll shaman of Grobb was in his possession which, despite the ominous sounding nature of its description, was so very easy to obtain. In fact, he had very few of the requisite tools of his trade.

But Tekilya wasn't there to work. His plan was to stay in the back, nap, and just buy his share of the fruit of his companions' labor with the four hundred and thirty-three dragon coins which were burning a hole in his purse.

http://cdn.makeagif.com/media/8-26-2014/XZtqhw.gif

hell is other people

Etching deep gouges into the wall in his death throws, Lord Vulak’Aerr crumbled to the ground, the light of life leaving his massive eyes.

Asgardians cheered and celebrated as weapons were pulled from the dead dragons cold claws.

That’s is, almost all cheered….

From behind a brazier in the Temples main chambers, Kayso Gnomehater writhed in anger as Tekilya twirled his Abashi Rod of Disempowerment to the delight of his guild mates.

As Tekilya performed for the crowd, Kayso’s eyes fell to Tekilya wife, the enchanting Florid Lotus.

“Ahhh” Kayso thought, “The answer was right there in front of me the entire time….”

didn'et read any of this shit