Please stop posting

Cecily agrees with Topgunben!

Please keep posting JD. Ya see, my daughter and I are watching The Office together. All JD's posts make me think of the one cringeworthy part of each character and roll each part into one person. A bowl of popcorn and gems like "we don't do sex stuff but I do this thing compulsively where I titillate powerful men" really entertain. Kinda makes me think of Dwight, his cousin and maybe a few chickens. It's so bad you can't look away but instantly regret not buying another gallon of brain bleach at Costco.

u are really throwing off those fluid droplets running demasked right now buddy -j

Dude that really made me laugh out loud. Especially the brain bleach from Costco.

It was a gay post, dude.

After I got out of a hell job in a shot-up hotel in the ghetto, I decided to deal cocaine like some of my other friends. But since I was also just fresh out of college, I used that to get a job as a resident counselor in a facility for people transitioning out of long-term care in a psychiatric hospital to a more community-based setting. Like that house on your block full of crazy people out of nowhere? We would rent houses in nice neighborhoods for top dollar and just pack them in! So I would cruise around town on my studly motorcycle delivering cocaine and as part of my lower paid but more rewarding job I would also visit all the homes and make sure no one was stabbing each other and they were doing their chores. I would also counsel them.

How do you counsel a 35-year old woman who dresses like Sailor Moon full-time and carries a giant lollipop and pink inflatable beach ball? I mean I don't think there was Sailor Moon in '86 but that was her look. She would find these older guys and they would come to the group home and wait outside in their Jaguars while she got ready and then they would go off and she would walk around and giggle and look at them and they would sit there and watch her back. She wouldn't do any sex-stuff but she intimated they would jerk off or do some weird up-the-ass stuff to themselves. According to her. I didn't give a shit; my job was chores with no stabbery so I tried to redirect.

The best time was when the guy came to pick her up and someone opened the door and we all looked at him and he looked at us and while Karen was going "Sorry I know we have a meeting but I gotta go!" I was busy locking eyes with the guy I sold cocaine to an hour before. Fun times!

I woke in the usual way, blindly fingering my mobile device while the belligerent sounds streaming from it scratched at my skull. I hit the right spot and the noises stopped.

I yawned, my face contorting in the unflattering way that faces do when one yawns. I scratched my inner thigh and cracked my ankles. Today would be a good day.

I settled into the weight of my body and rolled from the bed. The carpet was cool and coarse beneath my flat feet as I shuffled toward the closet, my ass crack peeking shyly from the top of my plaid pantsu.