ME/CFS
 

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Wat

Tbqvfah I hope not, but every damn time I push even a little bit it seems like the hand of God bitch slaps me into oblivion until I stay in bed 3 days, and if I keep pushing the pain is fucking horrible and I just have to take long naps to even do little things. Been like this awhile. Probably partly why I just live isolated on the forums. I have done like everything right to try to heal / cure my own damn self and nothing really improves.

Used to do a full days work as well as run, exercise, and yoga and travel + cook and clean.

The idiots running the psyche ward pushed me for like two straight weeks. Pretty sure this is why I collapsed and ended up in the ER.

I'm not psycho and the fucking doctors are assholes probably because I am trans, not super fucking rich.



Commence being Jerks about it.

Can you PM? I don't know what the heck you're talking about.

i believe the point is she's mentally retarded

Modern doctors are assholes because their treatments do not work, so the ones that aren't sadists quit.

Regardless, if you can choose to fix yourself (and you can) that means, ipso facto that it was your own choices that got you into this mess. Accepting this is was very difficult for me. I remember waving off a psychologist: "I'm only depressed because I'm tired and sick". I can only say now that it just doesn't work that way. Remember Napoleon: the moral is to the physical as three to one!

CFS itself is the buildup of 'hanging' biological crises. In short, when we encounter stressful situations our body tends to help us with short term, stressful adaptations. If we never resolve the stressful situation, the adaptation can persist for years. When enough of these stressful adaptations are running in parallel, there is no energy left to do anything else. The worst part is that resolving them requires both physical energy and the mental courage to face your worst fears, and so it's easy to get stuck in a vortex of low physical energy and depression: CFS.

In fact there are programs for CFS that are purely psychological, like the Gupta method. Resolve the emotional problems and the physical will follow. You can also try reading eastern literature like the Light of Asia or Bhagavad Gita. I very much doubt a modern shrink will do much good, but hey. Sarah Myhill has some good work on the chemical basis for CFS. Buteyko Breathing might be interesting, although I'm still experimenting with it.

Good luck!

Thank you. I've tried diet and exercise. But gave up on the stress side of this. Thanks for the links. I haven't tried much spiritual pursuit outside of reading exodus and finding small things to do for others.

I have been doing better this last few weeks. I know there's definitely no magic pill. I just want to stop crashing into walls and make progress. Like I used to. When I could like recover, from a run and still do light work. It's like if I push for progress then I wind up back at day 0 physically. That's the worst part. I consider myself pretty tough, like endurance used to be my strength.

Right now showering is a huge challenge but I've been doing that stuff more frequently, hell, despite the challenges, like our hot water heater breaking. Boiled a small pot of water to mix with cold water and gave myself a bath that way. I feel like I'm really scrappy, resourceful and efficient. That's what is most absolutely frustrating. I wish I really truly new the cause.

I know people say, stress, trauma, injury, virus. I'm getting a handle on the stress side of things, reclaimed some of my personal space and left a bad relationship. Things already feel better in that department.

I'm definitely going to be deep diving all your links... and yeah finding my chest tight just thinking about this and breathing.

Hell, even people who are healthy and happy should heed this stuff and consider these things. Don't let everything get to the point I was in 2 years ago when all this started happening.

Tbh. I think wellbutrin abuse, stress, and regularly ignoring my physical limits was the trigger, I was doing some herioc physical work. Then things really spiraled simultaneously with a really unhealthy person coming into my life and boxing me into a corner. I've had a few really bad illness and a bad car accident so, those are there more in the past. But even when I had the wreck that completely totaled my vehicle, my tough self got back into regular military life like within 3 weeks, even my broken hand didn't slow me down and I had the cast off fast. Didn't even slow me down.

And thanks again. For the luck. Your post got me thinking, remembering, cheered me up :D

Yeah. I'll try. Like if you want real detail. I feel like for that I really need to sit up at my keyboard and do some 80wpm journalling. Give me some time maybe. Trying to reserve my energy for research and like IRL things that need attention, will help me.

I'm not really very stupid, sure, I may not be a computer with flawless memory and an encyclopedic mind to spew out factoids.. But even so, I deserve better and it's no good reason to feel this way.

So I still haven't written my digital journal of this but I did spend a good deal of time handwriting.

As an experiment today I squoze my fists into the tightest ball I could.

I could only keep it up about 12 seconds. Didn't leave fingernail marks couldn't really feel a tight fist and was struggling to breath, chest felt kinda weak. Arms became weak. Hard to hold up. And strength completely failed.

I'm wondering. Is it possible at the most basic level are my muscles just not able to store energy anymore? Like the batteries only charging 2% vs like a solid 80%

For reference I used to be able to endlessly hang from a pull-up bar. And also hold a rifle out in front of me arms straight palms down out without too much effort longer than like 15 minutes. I had ~1000 calories really healthy veg and food 3 weeks. Even protiens, plus vitamins and supplements to help digest protiens, like malic acid.

What the fuck is wrong.

Deep breaths.

So I've been doing a lot better lately despite the last two weeks being really rough.
I got up and did like 4 laps around the patio, end of the driveway, but I am whipped.

I'm disenheartened again. Laying here thinking about rolling a Ranger on green or trying to do some art.

Feeling pretty disenheartened tho. Staring at my PC unplugged thinking it's better to just forget about it all and take a long nap.