P99 DnD Livestream
 

You have been placed in charge of choosing the cast of a Critical Role type show but are limited to the reprehensibles here who frequent the P99 forums. It is assumed that each player is motivated or compelled in some way to play the game to the best of their ability or suffer some punishment so as not to have this hypothetical live stream devolve into basically whatever it is that every thread here becomes.

You must choose 4 players and 1 dungeon master. You may not choose yourself as one of the participants. And we all get to watch as they're forced to be together and work together in the same room.

As a bonus, I have thought up 5 magical items which you may assign to the participants if desired (no more than 1 per person)

1. Caveman Wig of Neanderthal Intellect - the wearer of this wig is cursed with low intelligence and may only speak with one syllable words. This player is too dumb to read, write or type and can only understand one syllable words.
2. Everflowing Chalice - this drinking glass determines it's user's alcohol tolerance and will spike its contents with the proper dosage of alcohol to keep the user functionally drunk for the duration of the episode. The player must make a saving throw every other turn to resist the urge to drink from the cup. No other player may interfere when the user drinks from the cup. Nor May they handle the cup in any way.
3. Full Spectrum Goggles - the wearer of these magical glasses believes whole heartedly in the course of action they have chosen. They also believe that compromise is simply not an option. They simply refuse to take part in any action which they aree not convinced is the correct course of action.
4. Belt of Gender Something - whatever gender is popularly believed to be now, wearing this belt will change the player's gender to whatever subjectively fits the definition of it's opposite for the duration of the episode
5. MP3 Player - this smooth small metallic box is warm to the touch and radiates light from one side. This light is bright enough to illuminate an area of a cone with a 10'radius in the direction the user points it. Observing the lit face of the box for 1 round reveals strange symbols know only to the user. (Casting Read Magic or Know Language will not reveal the nature of these symbols) The MP3 will link with its user's mind telepathically and will attempt to listen any thoughts and feelings of the user. It will then play music according to the wishes of the user. Anyone within 39' of this box will be able to hear the music and can easily determine the source. The box will always play the music at an audible level but never at a disruptive volume (intentional or otherwise)

In retrospect, this was way too much effort. Who would you pick and why would we all get to laugh at them?

I'll play this game.



Sign me up for mp3 unless Blake wants to.

Dunno what critical role is, like D&D but haven't played since being a kid

So kinda confused on the idea. Best item by far is the everflowing cup. Unlimited drinks and no one could touch my cup? Wouldn't even have to write my name on it in sharpie like at parties. Would continue to re-roll stats to get the shittiest saving throws

Didn’t read

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arg-e_Bam

Sure, Riewa you can have the mp3 player though for the record I would have initially chosen to give that to Jibartik as he seems to me the most likely to be the one who would choose theatrical mood music according to what's going on in the game lol

So then I would choose Jibartik to be the Dungeon Master instead and I would give him the Belt of Gender Something (so we can all look down "her" shirt while she's leaning over the table moving miniatures or whatever for the players?..

I would have Bosanos in the party and give him the Full Spectrum Goggles. Have fun with that I guess..

Encroaching Death with the Everflowing Chalice. So he can drunkenly live out his fantasy of killing everything. (Every DnD group needs one of those)

Last, idk how bout Loramin with the Caveman Wig of Neanderthalic Intellect? I dunno, given his constant reference to the wiki, I'm kinda chuckling at the idea of somebody that meticulous restricted to only one syllable words in a game with so much "rules interpretation"

So that would be my cast
Jibartik - Dungeon Master
The Party -
Riewa, Bosanos, Encroaching Death, and Loramin

i put on my Full Spectrum Goggles everytime i launch p1999

Are you worthy of this weapon, king? 👑