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We double checked for ... rootkits
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Yes, because it's entirely possible to install a rootkit on someone's computer by copying over a .dll file.
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Here's what we've discovered from reverse engineering
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Hear that?
Reverse engineering. They stuck their hard drive under an electron microscope and China'd the fuck out of that dll. I already know I can trust what this guy is saying because he decides to say "reverse engineering" rather than decompiling, since the latter does not sound nearly as cool. Decompiling files without the source code can easily produce unreadable garbage, so they must really know what they're doing.
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It includes some NSA-level intrusive scans on your PC
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"NSA-level" sounds exactly like something a person would say when they don't know what they're talking about and trying to drum up panic.
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I personally spent two days going over a 3GB mysql log BY HAND for any signs of anomolies.
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Sure, this guy couldn't trust the DBMS so he went through the MySQL logs
by hand, logs that were presumably compiled by the very same DBMS he decided to forego using. What the hell does "by hand" even mean in this case? Excessive use of Notepad++ and CTRL+F?
This reeks of bullshit.