Weed immediately induces a panic attack and psychosis in me which I can't control. I know because I tried it when I was on leave in the military once, and my housemate smokes it, and when I get a good whiff of it I have to lock my doors and lock myself down real tight.
I believe you when you say weed helps, but I have a unique physiology. I am pretty sure I am an alien-human hybrid with a Germanic ancestry who underwent very secretive mind control in early childhood. That trends towards extremely violent and aggressive behavior. Like. Imagine Jet Li crossed with a velociraptor, crossed with a xenomorph with a viking spiritual ancestry. I think the power elites wanted to use us for good rather than just delete us from the genome. I think they've decided to end our line though. Through targeted viri. And neutering. Transgender propaganda and brainwashing. Targeted at us specifically. As we are particularly susceptible to this kind of 'promise of reward for conforming to a female sexuality'. And an attempt at making us subservient enough to be easily corralled and controlled.
I really do believe you. I haven't decided to kill myself with lithium dialed all the way up to 10% of the LD50. I did as a child. It didn't do much to incapacitate me, it just made me have serotonin toxicity. Which almost killed me. And is a really painful way to go. I tried it again recently last year before the several hospitalizations I've gone thru between maerilith and clevergirl and magnetaress. So it's not like it was completely off the table. I understand it's mostly tolerated and gets people back 'alive'. I am still a psychotic, antisocial recluse, just with the added benefit of being super sick when I take it.
One of the great ironies is that I don't actually seek attention, I seek perfection. And I don't appreciate people who suck up to me. Psychophants and "nice people" really get under my skin. I work better amongst completely hostile enemies than I do among subservient and emotionally dependent children. Who need their hands held. Who need to be treated 'gently'. Gentle is only in my nature when I deem it appropriate for preserving life. Which is almost never. Or when it amuses me to. Or when I find some kind of selfish satisfaction in it.
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