Thread was for educational purposes as well as advice. I appreciate all of it.
I agree with having my own job. And place. I would miss posting here though.
I'm an expert at compartmentalizng. You guys don't know me that well. So I will forgive the rude assumptions.
I'm super chill, low key, and gentle and easy to get along with. It takes a lot of hurting and pain for me to make a post like this. It's not just crappy shit on a whim.
Notice how I've gone out of my way to protect the identity of my abuser and avoid gossiping and just running through a giant list of "bad things about them". I really care about this person and I am more upset I couldn't help them. I simply addressed the severity of the situation. I care for my family. I would never do anything to hurt them.
I know forums are useless for this stuff.
I've been in and out of the hospital and seeing psychiatry and psychology regularly. The VA sucks. They can't really do anything.
I am a Jedi master of Dialectic and Cognitive behavioral therapy.
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I've mastered several books on yoga and pilates. Barefoot trail running.. I read the Bible. Study bhudism and Hinduism. I'm clean and drug free. I was 5'8'', skinny and gorgeous.
I got sick around covid time, abused, sicker, it's put me in a vulnerable position. And my family is severely dysfunctional. I poured my heart and soul into freeing them and empowering them by cooking, cleaning, gardening, caring, and being there for them. With absolutely no demands in return.
It's not my fault so don't go blaming me. I did more than 90% of people could dream of doing. Yet still got fucked by civilizations mighty big dirty fist.
Like I said I just wanted to vent. It's not a cry for help. I'm coping.