Quote:
Originally Posted by Cecily
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One of the funny realizations I've had is being pretty would really suck. Almost don't want it. I'm getting more attention from random dudes than I want as it is. I liked being invisible and that would be much, much, much easier as a dude. I really don't know how to deal with the nam vet I run into here and there when he tells me, "Think about what I said." Or the guy from highschool who's rubbing my thigh when I thought we were just hanging out. Or the older black guy who says he wants me to come over and give him some company, " that's where I wanna be sweetheart." Or the person I didn't know honking at me in the parking lot who's asking if I have any friends in the area who I'm involved with or something. The 60yo woman who's hugging, rubbing, and trying to kiss me in the parking lot while inviting me over. Life has gotten really fucking weird and I'm not equipped to handle it atm.
I look forward to getting older. Just hope to do it as gracefully as possible. What did I want from all this? I don't even know if I had goals beyond looking human lol.
Regarding your goals... From what you've told me you've done that already. I think you're very well suited for it and I dunno... Would you be down to / can you volunteer at the VA?
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There's a lot to unpack there. Not all flirtatiouns are creeeepin. I don't mind most of it. I enjoy smiling and I don't mind when someone is nicer because they're attracted to me. Sometimes it's just pleasant courtesy taken one level more. It's how we communicate attraction and desirability. It sounds gay AF and clinical when I autisticly try to wordify it.
There's always 1 or 2 weirdos or psychos, randomly out there. Apoearntly some are attracted to boys, or guys. Jeffrey Dahmer comes to mind. Or a priest using their authority and access to children... or a creepy shrink. Part of being seen as a sexual partner.
A lot of the real dangerous pathological psychopathy isn't really sexual but power, control, shame, or something else tho. You're less likely to be murdered if everything is above board and the person isn't just playing u for an ez mark. All people are vulnerable to that. Your really noticing it now because you're fedora isn't on ur head and ur katana is in ur closet.
This probably happened when I presented masculine too but I totally ignored it or was oblivious. Or just was so wrapped up in my own machismo and power, confidence, I completely ignored it.. like the katana ninja everyone wants to be who plays these games, I larped it so successfully I was really more powerful than any threat or creep lol. I was there to protect the women & children lol.
This is simply how the world works. Partly because of our cultural obsession with sex.
And yeah, if I get driving, walking again, it'll be no problem to voulenteer more. I'm actually discovering ways that I can do it now.