I feel like.. River Tam.
Sometimes just being in a room with someone I start seeing like thousands of different ways to kill or disable them. Like I get this download. Usually around really bad people. Proximity matters more than visual contact. Like they could be right on the other side of a wall. I have had to just walk away so many times to get enough distance. Then it's fine if they are like 100 ft away unless I'm focusing on them with intent. Then I can get the same thing from afar. Like if I was using ironsites and reaching out to feel.
It's really crappy. And I always feel bad knowing bad ppl are like running lose cuz I am super heck'n lawful. My feelings have never been wrong about ppl wanting to do harm to others it's such a shitty feeling. Ill see in the news.. or the police will be at their house days later... every damn time.. And the irony is I really never want to do harm ever even to these ppl. Even tho I get all that downloaded. I don't enjoy seeing and feeling all those ways of hurting someone it is really terrible.
My family is so stupid... they really cannot understand.. it's like they are a different species entirely...this can't be genetic unless I'm a test tube baby or something.
Yesssss it's insane. It's totally crazy. Wacko. NUTZ. Nothing good can be said of it.
The worst is some major world or local event like a riot or protest or like a bunch of people focusing all their hate in unison because then I can feel it all around me and it's like I'm hearing everyone and I can be totally alone... then it's really hard to drown out. It has to be like 10s of thousands in unison tho. Ukraine has been really weird. A lot of people actually want to do the right thing so it sorta balances out. Like morality. Good. Righteousness, G-dlyness is the key.
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