[magnetaress]

Well. I don't want to be overly dramatic butt EQ was one of my last habits that got me out of bed at all. I actually stretched and exercised and ate food so I could sporadically spend EQ time soloing between long afks.

This Christmas was really nice with family and physically rough tho. And I'm realizing that while EQ is my only escape from a completely crippled body it's not fun anymore. It's just something I am doing because I don't have the capacity to do anything more. And it's too painful emotionally to keep coming back to a game that takes everything.

Honestly I just want to go to hospice or get pain meds and start the process of dying now.

Those who say I'll be back. You're probably right. I'll probably reroll a necromancer or something and be a completely timid shut in avoiding any challenge or contact butt just logging in for something to try to do.

I have been hitting the audio books with my eyes shut curled when I can. When I can't EQ.

Yeah it's a cry for help. Butt I don't want or need any. My therapist and I have already been discussing an exit plan with the resources available for me through the VA.

Just. It fucking sucks. I wanted to be able to play this game and make friends. The biggest issue with that is that I can't play long enough continously to be friends and help ppl. That said I had a ton of nice and friendly interactions with ppl. Got to buff ppl with low lvl cleric buffs. Butt that corpse in guk. It's going to rott. With lvl 34 spells and jboots. I can't recover it. It's too much work solo. It's too emotionally painful. It's my reminder that I
am not even good enough to play EQ on quarm in 2023. That is my sign to quit.