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Old 01-06-2021, 06:10 PM
imperiouskitten imperiouskitten is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2020
Location: CROATOAN
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Yes, some ppl are. Some ppl harbor sadism in their hearts and can't help but torture themselfs, let alone everyone around them. I have found these most sensitive to perceiving the world as hostile. They enter into many engagements from a position of hostility, and the mirror the world holds up to them makes them feel very ugly. Soon they have integrated this view into their sense of self.

Even generous & genuine pals they find hatred for. Virulent envy develops for anyone they meet who endeavors to improve, forgives themselves, & can't relate to permanently despising themselves and going on being knowingly wicked. Though you may meet them and feel they "only need a friend", through sad experience I find these ppl are some of the absolute most insidious and vicious regardless of my own intent. And good luck seeking forgiveness from one who refuses to develop themselves; they absolutely can not relate to a human being regretting their actions and developing. A sense of solipsism wherein you, the friend, merge with the evil that permeates everything in their sight happens. And bam, by virtue of being acquainted, you suddenly are living in a world as uncomfortable and petty as theirs.

I don't have any prescription for fixing it. I have tried with a fair few, but always get burned. Even when you think you've found common ground they are lying in wait to stab you the moment you trip. Perhaps it is a neurochemical thing to a certain extent, but certain behavioral ruts also become very well-trod by adulthood and may be irretrievable. My best hope for them is that they take a lover and learn to accept his imperfections, and enjoy the edifying cleansing of being cherished. But I have even had lovers who do not cherish themselves after being cherished by me for many years. For what good is the love of a person you find as gross as everything else? of what worth is the love of a person you find a hypocrite for even trying to be virtuous?

In the end, one must accept the bummer that ostracism and exile were always common practice. And successful, happy ppl just don't suffer themselves to expend tons of energy on unrequited kindness in most cases. If they keep treading through that door into your life only for the cheap thrill of harming you, what else can you do.

Yes, I reckon many ppl go from cradle to grave nurturing that simmering solipsistic resentment/persecution complex which bubbles up in adolescence.
Last edited by imperiouskitten; 01-06-2021 at 06:39 PM..