fucking shit, Tune. Snap out of it brother. I have not been able to stop thinking about this thread and what it might be saying about your mental state.
I know this is a game forum and we generally troll the fuck out of one another, but I like to think that after being essential to one another's entertainment for many years, we give at least a little bit of a fuck about other players' well being.
You are in too deep bro. You need to fight whatever rationalizations you are generating which allow you to justify investing yourself into this one thing any further.
Go apply your badassness as an EQ player to other shit.
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