The Revenge of Platwhore
"He came back like this."
The balding halfling squatted inside a cage. The iron bars were dented and stretched. The halfling's eyelids drooped and he made spit bubbles with his mouth.
"He came back from where?" Mayor Gubbin asked, turning to Yola Sweetcookie.
Yola's face was the color of ash. Normally so round, so full of life! But as she stared upon this retarded halfling they had to put into an iron cage warded with clerical magic, all of the ruddiness left her cheeks and her supple flesh became a canvas for darkness. "All he told me was that he had to hunt the goblins of New Runnyeye Citadel..."
Gubbin mused, "What the fuck is that? What were you up to, Filbus?"
The only answer from the hobbit in the cage: a loud shart. The wave of fecal jum and gas blasted the small room.
"Go," Yola insisted. "I'll take care of him."
That night, a small elvish girl of about 200 years of age crept into the hobbit hole and chloroformed Yola Sweetcookie. The elvish lass was malformed and hideous. She wore a ratty, green swimsuit. Her wrists and ankles were cuffed by thick scars. She moved before cage of the retarded Filbus, glowering in the low light of his Tranix Crown which served as a night light for the sorry retard.
"filllbuussss," the elvish wastrel hissed. "I have come to exact my revenge. You chained me in the East Commonlands tunnel in January of 2013 and used my flesh to fatten your platinum accounts. You forced me to barter with the lowliest of Dwarves. Worse, you left me bound in Gfay!"
Filbus burped.
Platwhore couldn't help it. The belch turned her on. Although Filbus was dressed in rags, huddled in a corner of this iron cage, his hands were still those strong hands she had fallen in love with... the same powerful, small hands which had grabbed her by the throat and forced her into slavery.
UNGGHHH
Platwhore loved slavery.
And now that she had been emancipated, what was she to do? Like a shadow, she had followed her former master.
Platwhore slid inside the cage. Filbus the retard looked at her, but his eyes were like vessels of mud.
"Open your mouth you fucking retard," she commanded. She grabbed Filbus' mouth open and then spat into it.
Filbus smacked his lips in a donkey-like manner.
"You like that you fucking retard?" she asked rhetorically. It was obvious that he did!
Platwhore put a cleveland steamer on his chest. "haha, what now you moran?" she squealed.
Filbus took the turd and drew a beautiful picture on the iron floor of his cage.
Enraged, Platwhore stood. She had one last act of revenge on her former Master. From her satchel inside her swimsuit she took a raw Jumroot. Platwhore clubbed Filbus on his dumb head with this makeshift weapon and the hobbit slumped over. Platwhore shimmied down his pantalones and exposed his backside. Surprisingly clean!
THen, she jammed the Jum up inside him. Filbus wiggled and wailed, but to no avail. The adamantium grip of Platwhore's rage kept him still.
"You liek that you fucking retard?" Platwhore croaked. "Take it.... TAKE IT."
and then Filbus broke free from her grasp. He did a somersault into a 360 and began to levitate. Flashing lights emanated from his eyes and his fingers and toes and an angelic chorus poured forth. The retard hobbit opened his mouth, his face pointed skyward, and tears streamed from his eyes. A giant jum stalk grew out of his mouth. It was the most beautiful Jum that had ever existed.
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