I think grace is about like, not letting trivialities lead to tragedy and forgiving other human beings in your community -- and the rules for continued membership in the community of cooperative human beings historically included at least to profess that you are capable of kindness, participate in ritual apology for wrongdoing etc -- I think you see where I'm going.
It's also about forgiving the abject barbarism and criminality of people raised outside of the lights of civilization, love, or decency and not allowing the brutality of such creatures, who are not saved and will not be permanent companions because they will burn in Hell for all eternity, to reflect in your own actions vis-a-vis bitterness. I try hard for that every day. It's easy to transfer unsanitary energy from outside into the circle of angels. You're correct, I do struggle with that.
I don't think grace means encouraging people down the wrong track, or sitting eternally silent without a word to help guide your friends toward better behavior or saner ideas. Whether they're unhinged trans gals who need some kind of reality check, or little 5'5" browns who claim to be ethical nazis. No, that's no kind of love at all. In fact it's the absence of love, and your insistence that otherwise must be protested is pretty sad.
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