[imperiouskitten]

Originally Posted by Cecily [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Well it's hard do tell you what to do but I'd keep living as a female for a while and start therapy on the meanwhile. Maybe you have childhood trauma, repressed homophobia, self shame or another disorder which involves unstable sense of self (BPD, autism) or whatever. Or maybe you're just trans if that's a actually a single thing (sometimes I ask myself that question) and therapy could help you to find that out.
And if you finally can't find an identity after all and considering you've reached a point where you have to take synthetic hormones no matter what, I'd be just practical. Which would be living as what would bring me less issues in daily life: would you experience dysphoria if you detransition? Would you pass as a man? Do you pass as a woman? Would being a feminine man more issues than living as passable/non passable transwoman? Would it be harder to find a partner as a transwoman or as a man who had SRS? Would you have more job opportunities as one way or the other?
But again, that's what I'd do, only you can decide about your life and what to do in a such important decision. Not sure if you idealized transitioning in the past, but if you did don't do the same now with detransitioning since you already had SRS and sadly and IMHO that changes it all.
Maybe you have issues accepting your transness? At the end living living a transitioned person doesn't make you the opposite gender but looking/living as one to alleviate dysphoria. BTW you mentioned you know you'll always be male no matter what. But if you're passable others won't know so maybe asking yourself all those practical questions could help.

Originally Posted by Cecily [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

I have had a number of friends who have had similar feelings and questions after SRS. Some of them transitioned older, some in their 20s, none as young as you. One thing seems to be consistent and that is that their lives were filled with reaching one transition goal after another until SRS was over. Then life became routine and they started wondering if they couldn’t have just lived the routine without transitioning. Some detransitioned, but the ones who did eventually transitioned back to female again usually because they were more comfortable that way, or because family was more comfortable with them as female.

I think it matters less how we started this life than how we live it today. If you are more comfortable with yourself presenting as female, then do that. If you are experiencing a little frustration with the decisions that your younger self made, just remember how young you were, how it seemed like the only sensible path, and forgive your younger self. I had to do something like that, and actually went back to a lakeside where I used to sob and ask God to stop me from wanting to be a girl, and spoke to the younger me there at that lake. It was strangely consoling.
I’m hurting with you, and praying for you.

Idk how you get sick of being a girl unless you're ugly tho - it's awesome. Juris just made me crygasm two nights in a row -- he's really coming into his own. maybe why im wound ferally tight rn lol.