The Reason I Am Fat

[Hasbinfat]

So I just had a thought, and like all my thoughts, I instantly decided to make a thread about it.

Some of you may be wondering just how I got so fat. Do I eat huge orders of fast food often? Binge eat on ice cream? Drink 2-liter bottles of soda while making quadruple posts on elf forum? Yes, I do all of those things. But the main reason I am fat goes beyond that--

You see, as a nurse, I wasn't quite sharp enough to make it was a physician or, hell, even a nurse practitioner or physician assistant. Beyond that, the real reason I decided to become a nurse is because of the greatest rule in medicine: the sick and dying rarely finish their food, and close behind: hospital food is exceptional.

One of my favorite pastimes is dropping into the cancer ward and going from room to room eating the jello cups off the food trays. Usually the terminal patients even leave some barbecue chicken which I enthusiastically consume. I basically eat all the leftover food in the hospital, and sometimes when I notice a particularly generous serving of ice cream headed to a room, I follow it and add a bit of morphine to the drip so the patient falls asleep. Then the ice cream is mine.

I spend all of my time doing this, however, and I'm usually fired pretty quickly. That's how I manage to spend all my time making garbage threads on this forum. But I always make sure to pocket a jar of peanut butter before I go, so that the next time I go on a diet, I have something to eat with my celery sticks.

[radditsu]

I thought it was crippling depression

[Hasbinbad]

ilu hasbinfat fan fiction u should write a short story or even a novel about me next

[Hasbinbad]

i could be an obese and bumbling anti hero or a diabetes vampire with the ability to steal the glucose from other peoples blood

[Hasbinfat]

Can't, I have to ride my fixie down to the laundromat because I got gravy on my keffiyeh.

I might stop by KFC on the way back tho, I'll make sure to create a thread about it later. Can't fuck the police on an empty stomach, that's what I always say

[radditsu]

Slurp slurp slurp.

[Hasbinbad]

oh god i am am roffling hahaha ty ty ty

[Hasbinbad]

whoever this person is.. they are either incredibly funny or incredibly mad, either way = win

[Barkingturtle]

Originally Posted by Hasbinfat [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Beyond that, the real reason I decided to become a nurse is because of the greatest rule in medicine: the sick and dying rarely finish their food, and close behind: hospital food is exceptional.

This is very funny and you should be proud.

[Hasbinbad]

Originally Posted by Barkingturtle [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

This is very funny and you should be proud.

You're totally right, but his art is that you can't tell for sure without making a judgement call whether he is rly madfatbad or trolling, ergo successful troll either way.