i confront Jakerees with my saber and make my demands

[skarlorn]

you see a bright star falling from the sky until it crashes - BOOM - into a little hill top near you.

Out of curiosity, you climb to the top of the hill even though you are quite out of shape and it hurts your knees to do this small exercise you know you will be well rewarded because this is Norrath.

there you find me. I am dismounting a tiny, exhausted gnome who is glowing very brightly. I scornfully throw some platinum coins at him. The hard coins strike his teeth and pathetic gnomish skull. the gnome vanishes using his magics and i turn to you.

i say I am Filbus the Lord of teh Thicket and I have returned

you know me well so you tremble even though i am quite short and rotund. You watch fearfully as I litter some muffin wrappers and cheeto bags onto the qeynos hills and belch a wet belch that smells of Lendel's Grand Lager.

I have drawn a bright sword and using it I trace a line in the sand. we are now in the beaches of Timorous Deep because it is more dramatic there.

Yes I have returned, i say as I fart a little. Too much jumjum causes fermentation in the gut, I remorsefully confess

anyway enough about you, I continue. I am here to confront jakerees and make my demands from him. I rattle my saber. You cringe and scrape and I notice that you probably are not jakerees.

suddenly Timoroous Deep shakes as the earth quakes and large waves the size of your childhood dreams rear up above the beach and crash and dissipate around us, turning to ephemeral foam that now fades into memory, exactly like my childhood dreams of being a famous novelist. I am now writing a second person narrative on the p99 forums about challenging jakerees and making my demands even though I have not clearly determined the demands

and then jakerees BECOMES from the receding surf. you smell sulfur in the air as the wind whips back and forth. jakerees BECOMES just as his power has suddenly BECOME on the forums and he appears and a long diatribe of nonsequitors spills out of his mouth along with sea-weed and emeralds.

you gather the emeralds as jakerees mandates truths too great for your mortal ears to comprehend and so the shapes of the sounds are mundane like the sound of a mayonnaise jar opening after twisting the lid a little bit too hard

jake rees

I say

trembling.

"Have I summoned an ancient god?" I fear to myself

I HAVE HEARD YOUR CHALLENGES ALTHOUGH IT WOULD BE MORE CLASSIC IF MY BROTHER WAS ACTUALLY PLAYING AND I HAD READ YOUR CHALLENGE IN SHOUT FROM OVER HIS SHOULDER jakerees comments

i brandish my bright sword and kill you instantly. you die with words of thanks on your lips because it is a better fate than the fate of dying in the qeynos hills to rabies, which you were probably going to do anyway

jakerees looks at my hobbit form and he accepts my demands. over your bleeidng body we embrace and summon two gnomes from the air and put saddles of pig leather on their backs and then we shoot into the sky like glowing magic beans filled with joy that we have struck a truce and you gurgle on your blood feeling very good about witnessing such a tremendous moment.