Breakfast I

[d3r14k]

Originally Posted by Lhancelot [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Is this earth elemental Rygar by chance?

Holy hell, I didn't catch that. A very creative pot shot, if true.

[Lhancelot]

Originally Posted by d3r14k [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Holy hell, I didn't catch that. A very creative pot shot, if true.

I am inside Skarlorn's brain now. I done figured his insanity out.

[maskedmelon]

would be a interesting twist if the ele was llandris exercisin the fine art of manipulation to bring war to rivervale since he is bound by his oath against doing it himself. he would also then be compelled to destroy Filbus for his attack on the city.

[skarlorn]

[You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

The earth elemental stood triumphant over Filbus Furyfoot. The halfling warlord was on his knees, his hands uselessly putting pieces of Yola back together.

"You're a mess, Yola," Filbus moaned. What had he done? Rallos, what had he done?!

At last, the earth elemental moved. "Sry bout that," it said in a shrill voice, "i had to get my hot pockets."

In an instant, the earth elemental illusion disappeared. A human stood in its place, wearing the robes of a monk. He threw an empty Ball of Golem Clay on the burnt grass of the Thicket.

"It was so easy to dupe you," the monk sneered. He wore an eyepatch and had mid-length golden hair. "Finally, I have destroyed your home. You have destroyed your relationship with your God, and you have killed your Yola! Now, you will serve the will of the Retarded God as my slave!!"

"Who ARE you?" Filbus cried. He stood up, but there was no fight in his voice. Truly, for the first time, Filbus tasted defeat. How had this happened?

The monk cleared his throat. "I am Tekilya Tu'Wang, Grand Archivist and Chronicler of your Adventures and also the Archivist of the Retarded God," he said in an important voice. The human paused for a moment, waiting for a reaction from Filbus.

The halfling picked a booger. "Sorry, who?"

"WHO?" screeched Tekilya "WHO AM I? Surely you have read my great tales which tell the story of your cuckening...." the monk squatted low and raised his hands over his shoulders and carried on in a shrieking autistic voice, "I AM THE GREAT DISCIPLE OF MASTER WU AND I HAVE DESTROYED YOU FILBUS I HAVE FINALLY TURNED YOU INTO MY LITTLE CUCK AND NOW YOU WILL BE MY SERVANT AND WE WILL GO TO LLANDRIS AND YOU WILL MAKE HIM GIVE ME THE SURNAME WU'TANG WHICH IS RIGHTFULLY MINE, AND HE WILL DO THIS FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU DEFEATED HIM. HE WILL NO LONGER BE FORCED TO PROTECT RIVERVALE, AND I WILL HAVE MY PRECIOUS SURNAME!"

Tekilya finished off his rant with a long "REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

"I see," Filbus thought sagely, "This monk is retarded." The halfling turned to enter Rivervale, but shockingly, found the guards scowling at him.

Tekilya pranced around, farting on the grass. "Bahaha, you stupid cuck, when you thought you were killing wood elves, you were really killing hobbits! Bahaha! Bah ha HA!"

Filbus felt a chill go through him. To what extent had he visited destruction on his people? He snuck into Rivervale and managed to make it all the way into the castle, the annoying Tekilya crowing over his shoulder.

In an instant, Filbus's world changed.

Mayor Gubbin scowled at him, ready to attack.

[You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Just then, Filbus's invisibility spell faded. Hordes of halfling deputies swarmed him and put handcuffs on him. Filbus did not fight. Gubbin looked at him with hatred.

"How COULD you Filbus? You were supposed to Protect the Vale... not destroy it!"

Filbus had no answer. He let them throw him into the dark dungeons beneath the city. Somehow, Tekilya managed to stay with him every step of the way.

In his dark cell, Filbus was given his last Dinner. Tomorrow would be the execution. He ate the JumJum Stalk thoughtlessly. He was worse than a shady halfling. He deserved to die.

Gubbin would most likely wait for Llandris to come, so that the GM could ban Filbus from ever entering Rivervale again. The warlord hoped that they would just execute him first.

Meanwhile, Tekilya continued bragging about his genius plan. "And then you took the pill, you took the pill you fay gate," purred the monk autistically, "You slept for a whole day... and didn't even realize what had happened when the banker corrected your mistake on your withdrawal slip." Tekilya lit a cigarette of hobbit leaf. He inhaled and blew out a misshapen ring.

Filbus mulled this over as he ate his JumJum and coney. How could he have been so stupid?

Suddenly, it dawned on him.

"GUARDS!" Filbus yelled.

Tekilya looked at him in confusion.

The deputies waddled over. "What is it, M'lord," one of them said. The other stared daggers at his companion. "Er - what is it - prisoner?" The one who spoke corrected himself.

Filbus belched and flung the plate against his cell wall. He strode to the bars, his sizable little belly pressing through the gaps.

"I have been betrayed, and I need your help."

"You've killed half of Rivervale," said the Deputy in astonishment. "You MUST be executed by tickles - or worse, exiled!"

Filbus leaned forward. "No, you see... This human monk tricked me. He gave me a magic pill that made my cock huge (don't tell any of the ladies in town [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] ) , but it also knocked me out for a whole day, while he took me back to Rivervale and used powerful autistic magic to make me think I was purging wood elf scum, not killing halflings."

Tekilya and the Deputies were silent.

"I understand what I've done is wrong," admitted the warlord, "but don't you see? I was deranged. My MR was totally nerfed... I missed a whole day of meals!"

The Deputies gasped.

Tekilya's eyes turned to slits. He assumed his autistic stance.

The Deputies conferred with each other quietly, under their breaths. Filbus sagged against the bars, truly exhausted emotionally and, now that he realized he had missed a FULL day of meals, physically.

No wonder he had been cucked!

Then, the Deputies opened the cage door and clobbered Tekilya with their briarwood clubs. The poor monk shrieked and hollered but he was terribly inept at using his Feign Death and before long he was knocked unconscious, bleeding on the floor.

Filbus smiled. He rolled Tekilya over with his big hairy foot. The monk groaned.

Yola's killer wasn't the elves. It wasn't really Filbus, either. It was this retarded monk.

The halfling warlord's smile turned to ice. "Now we will see who the cuck is," he hissed, unbuckling his pants.

[Lhancelot]

Portrayal of Tekilya Tu'Wang is hilarious. A great cuckening, indeed. [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

[Lhancelot]

Originally Posted by skarlorn [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Mayor Gubbin scowled at him, ready to attack.

[You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

This broke my immersion slightly but the totality of the story easily overwrote this lapse.

Maybe I missed something?

I feel dumb pointing it out. But was he GLARING??? or, SCOWLING?!?!? reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee