Life doesn't feel the same

[Jenithia]

I don't know you but you and your wife are on my mind. My wish for you is that you two find a way together to get through (what is now reluctantly your new "normal") as best you can and that sleep finds you fast when you need it.

If you need to escape life once in a while for an hour or two....or just vent, please let us take some of the burden off of you.

[dennardscott86]

I'm having a hard time getting to sleep, my son refuses to sleep in the room he shared with his brother, and my daughter keeps asking where is her brother. We haven't found the strength to move his things yet so there are constant reminder on him all over the house. I accidentally made his lunch for school and that killed me more inside. My wife and I are having to turn help away from our parents because, although they want to help, we know it will turn into a blame session on how this "Could have been prevented" but that's not true!! He had a unstudied Lung disease and died in his sleep. I don't need that, I need my fucking son back. I need my FUCKING WHOLE FAMILY BACK!!! Just want this go back to the way it use to and have my Zach back

[pathius41]

Most people I know would describe me as a cold hearted S.O.B but today I will admit I thought of you and your story. I truly feel for you and hope you and your wife get things back to normal, or close as one can get to it in your situation. No parent should burry a child, it just is not right.

[Bitie]

Originally Posted by Hoozi [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Very sorry OP [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] Being a father myself..... I can't even imagine.

this.

[phacemeltar]

im sorry to be insensitive, but wake the fuck up and support your family... you havent lost everything, yet.

[colicab]

Very sorry for your loss. This has really effected me and I thought about you all last night and today. I couldn't imagine losing either of my 2 boys and the devastation it would cause. Please try and stay strong for your remaining children if nothing else.

[Guybrush]

Just think of all the money you'll save

[Guybrush]

You could buy a brand new Mercedes and set it on fire and you'd still be coming out ahead

[Sidelle]

I rarely visit official RnF anymore so I just now saw your post. There's a reason they haven't come up with a word to describe a parent who's lost a child. It's just so wrong and against the natural order of things. As a mom who lost her firstborn son I know how much it hurts and I am so sorry for your loss. [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

[knix]

I don't know you, but I have suffered losses in my live and this is the best description of how you go on its from reddit. But, do listen to them saying to not hide from your family in this game.

Here is the full original post. I keep a copy of it handy so I can reread it when I need to. Credit goes to u/gsnow, the original author:

"I'm old. What that means is that I've survived (so far) and a lot of people I've known and loved did not.

I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children, and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my two cents...

I wish I could say you get used to people dying. But I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever somebody I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it.

Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see.

As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.

In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.

Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.

Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you'll survive them too.

If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves. And lots of shipwrecks."