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  #41  
Old 09-28-2012, 11:34 AM
philbertpk philbertpk is offline
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this is awesome!!!
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  #42  
Old 09-28-2012, 06:00 PM
Spud Spud is offline
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This is great.
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  #43  
Old 09-28-2012, 07:58 PM
Arkanjil Arkanjil is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ephirith [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]
Chapter VIII: The Crusader Returns

If women weren’t meant to be in the kitchen, then why do they have milk and eggs inside of them?
ROFL love this quote and love the stories man, good reads.
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  #44  
Old 09-28-2012, 09:42 PM
Tasslehofp99 Tasslehofp99 is offline
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ty, cool read
  #45  
Old 09-30-2012, 12:18 PM
Ephirith Ephirith is offline
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Chapter IX: Crusader Auxiliary Corps

Attention all Cabilisians!

By order of the Crusaders of Greenmist and by the authority of Arch Duke Xog and Crusader Kuriak, any iksar who wishes to serve the Empire may be eligible for funding and sponsorship by the Crusaders of Greenmist. In the interest of conquest and terror, the ancient and honored order of knights will provide resources for the arming and armoring of novice iksar warriors, monks, shamans, shadow knights, and necromancers.

Those Cabilisians who wish to serve should contact Crusader Kuriak, or the Scaled Mystic liaison, Finistere. If approved, you will be notified to report to Cabilis to be outfitted and begin your service.

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Arch Duke Xog gazed drearily into the murky canals and crumbling masonry sprawling beneath him. For decades he had worked tirelessly to see this once great state rebuilt. He had sent countless knights to distant and unknown shores where they had surely found lonely deaths at the hands of a world that hated Cabilis and everything it stood for. He longed to see all who were opposed to Cabilis destroyed or enslaved- he dreamt of his glorious knights leading dwarves and halflings around on leashes crafted from elven entrails.

It was time for a new approach. Xog knew he had to escalate his campaigns in order for the iksar to regain their former glory. Some of his knights had brought home wealth from their campaigns— slaves, trade goods, platinum, and magical artifacts plundered from the far reaches of Norrath. He had to find new recruits and outfit them for defense and conquest. He needed someone to coordinate these efforts; someone with experience abroad.

Xog’s pondering was interrupted by a figure emerging from the mist—an iksar, clad in the blackened-green raiment of the Crusaders of Greenmist with a Crusader’s Khukri sheathed at his side. As he approached the Temple of Terror, Xog was able to recognize him. It was Kuriak, a knight he had thought lost in an attack on Guk. It had been many months since anyone in the military had heard from him.

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Kuriak walked toward Xog and kneeled before him.

Kuriak: Arch Duke Xog, I was able to infiltrate the outer layers of Guk and neutralize the one called Scryer. I have brought intelligence regarding the frogloks’ strategic situation. But my victory came at a cost- the Scryer’s magics affected my mind… left it crumbling into insanity as I hobbled out of Guk. For months I roamed, but I do not remember, and I was not myself. I report to you now with all of my faculties, fully restored and ready to serve.

Arch Duke Xog: Kuriak. I dream of a day when I never need to hear another word that isn’t spoken in lizardman. For all your efforts you are still as wretched and disposable as the day your lowborn body congealed out of scum and miasma- the mere idea of your existence brings me pain.

Kuriak: Thank you sir.

Xog turned away from Kuriak and glanced into the distance.

Arch Duke Xog: Even so, your body of work has brought me closer to realizing my dream. Your next assignment will be very much unlike anything you have done before. This time, you will not be killing children or eating their pets. Instead, you will be outfitting an entire corps to do those beautiful things. I have approved a limited amount of funding for your efforts. Speak with Lord Qyzar for the specifics.
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Are you just starting on the server? Recently started and dirt poor? Did you make an elf and want to play a race that doesn’t disappoint your parents?

Since I’ve started on P99, so many people have shown such generosity. I am by no means rich compared to a lot of people on this server, but I’ve got enough at the moment to help some people out.

If you are near Cabilis and interested in some help, send me a tell if you see me online on Kuriak or Finistere. I have my 51 shaman parked in Cabilis with some money and items, and I’d be happy to make you a suit of banded armor, give you an item or weapon if I have one available, and a bit of plat. I just ask that you meet several conditions:

-At least level 3
-At most level 20

-Iksar
*Or*
-If non-iksar, prove your loyalty to Cabilis by learning Lizardman and coming to Cabilis.

-Don’t be twinked, I’d prefer to help people who need it.

-I’ll be doing this for as long as I have the funds to do so.

On that note, I am also looking to buy some cheap low level weapons. I have an EC mule:
-Wu’s Quivering Staffs
-Swords of Skyfire
-Jsticks
-etc

If you’re a new iksar, send a tell and get some free stuff!
Last edited by Ephirith; 03-05-2013 at 11:16 PM..
  #46  
Old 09-30-2012, 03:35 PM
sakone sakone is offline
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This inspires me to make that Wood Elf Rogue....
  #47  
Old 10-01-2012, 02:51 PM
runlvlzero runlvlzero is offline
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Great story, Love the MM art I have a copy of that one O.o and this deserves a bump above the R99'er threads and blue trollins. Thanks Khuriak!
  #48  
Old 10-02-2012, 01:48 AM
Ephirith Ephirith is offline
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Chapter X: Kuriak Gets Addicted to Pie

Most outsiders assume the iksar’s spartan lifestyle and tendency to avoid luxuries is something innate about their race. To most observers, the culinary options in Cabilis are bland and fairly homogenous—beetle bakes, cactus tarts, and other crude cuisine made from surrounding plant and animal life. A more bold and decadent iksar may opt for milk instead of water or bloodwater. In reality, much of this is a conscious philosophical choice that has been systematically propagated by iksar society, from generation to generation. Underneath the mental discipline, iksar have just as much fondness for luxuries as any other creature, and it is common knowledge that when an iksar is able to obtain coveted foreign luxury goods they sometimes avail themselves in secret.

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This was the first time Kuriak had been stationed in Cabilis on a domestic assignment. Arch Duke Xog placed him in charge of requisitions for new iksar soldiers on behalf of the Crusaders of Greenmist. He was now working with other branches— administrator Finistere, a scaled mystic, helped manage Crusader funds and forge armor, while Trooper Sarkhan Thistlescale and Crusader Xoloth supplied additional services and materials.

In his first week on this assignment, Kuriak outfitted seven new recruits— three monks, two shadow knights, and two shamans. One day, while walking from his office in the Temple of Terror to the forge, he spotted something peculiar among the cargo at the docks.

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Kuriak approached the objects and examined them closely. These were pies! Sweets! He had seen them during his stay in Neriak and among the other peoples of Antonica and Faydwer. What were they doing in Cabilis? Kuriak looked to see if anyone was nearby, and saw nobody besides Crusader Golia, who was walking toward Klok Wyga-- undoubtedly to be serviced behind her tent.

With nobody around, Kuriak picked up one of the pies and took a bite. Immediately he was overcome with a strange and staggeringly powerful euphoria. He sat down for a moment and reflected on what had just been one of the most pleasurable sensations in his entire life. He then quickly scooped the remaining treats into his pack and continued toward the forge. Behind him, Klok Wyga emerged from behind her tent and tossed an egg into the canal, followed by Crusader Golia who continued his patrol.

For the rest of the day Kuriak could hardly concentrate on his work. His mind kept wandering to the delicious morsels hidden in his pack. When his work for the day was finally complete, he left the Temple of Terror and discretely walked into some empty, ruined buildings along the canal. He glanced around before quickly removing the remaining cupcake and pie from his pack. His hands were shaking. He had been anticipating this all day. Like a ravenous beast, he stuffed the treats into his mouth and then slumped over on the ground in ecstasy. He had to get more.

The next afternoon, Kuriak returned to the docks to try and figure out who was responsible for the food he had found there. He ripped open containers, flinging building materials and pickled froglok parts all over the docks, finding nothing useful. Frustrated, he sat on a crate and looked around. No iksar would benefit from smuggling pies into Cabilis. The Haggle Baron monopolized most of the city’s food production and would have nothing to gain from citizens suddenly demanding exotic goods he couldn’t provide without a middleman. Kuriak could scarcely conceive of faction leaders being involved in such petty corruption. He sat up and was about to leave when he noticed the froglok parts scattered around from the crates he smashed.

Frogloks had a reputation for using excessive happiness and goodwill to undermine the strict discipline and focus that characterized iksar society. They had even been accused of running bake sales and charities. Kuriak rushed over to the slave lodgings near the Tink N Babble. Sure enough, he spotted a trio of jolly frogloks kneading dough and joyfully preparing pies.

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Kuriak emerged from behind the wall and smashed the first froglok’s skull with his mace, killing him instantly. Nearby, the second froglok froze in terror. Kuriak began channeling the lifeforce from the horrified froglok; it trembled and convulsed for a moment before dropping limply to the ground, lifeless. Seeing his two comrades slaughtered before him, the third froglok charged Kuriak, swinging his little fists wildly. Kuriak swung his mace in a wide arc, striking the front of the froglok and shattering its body.

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With the frogloks neutralized, Kuriak began frantically gathering all the pies, cupcakes, muffins, root beer, and cookies he could find. In a room nearby, he found a messy pile of cookbooks from all over the world, and a note stamped with the seal of occupied Sebilis. It read:

Operatives,

This collection of cookbooks should prove useful in your task. Make sure to leave the pies where the iksar will find them, but not where they’re unable to take them without their ilk noticing. As always, it is imperative that you destroy this message.

-Chef


Kuriak pocketed the note and looted the last of the cupcakes before skulking out of the ruined building and into an alley behind some shops. He sat for a moment, and it began to drizzle a little bit. The knight started pulling cupcakes and pies from his backpack and devouring them. He went into a blissful trance, pulling treats from his pack and eating them until he began to feel sick— then continued eating anyway. He fell backwards onto his back, a piece of pie in his hand. With the last of his willpower he tried to raise the pie to his mouth, but he fell into a stupor as the rain started to pour on his sleeping body.

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Last edited by Ephirith; 10-02-2012 at 02:03 AM..
  #49  
Old 10-02-2012, 07:33 AM
Lagaidh Lagaidh is offline
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Hahah! /clap

If only Hedbonker were here. She always has pie!
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  #50  
Old 10-02-2012, 10:36 AM
Sarkhan Sarkhan is offline
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Kuriak should have known better, he deserved that sugar induced comatose.
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