DIRTY JOKES CONTENT ADVISORY

[Acillatem]

A pirate ship is sailing the sea when the lookout from the bird's nest yells out "Captain, Captain! Ship on the horizon!".

The Captain calls out "Bring me my red shirt!".

A bloody battle ensues, but the pirate ship is victorious. Afterwards the First Mate asked the Captain why he wanted a red shirt, to which the Captain replied;

"So if I were to get injured during battle, the men could not see me bleeding and morale would not drop."

A few days pass, and once again the lookout cries out: "Captain! Captain! FIVE ships on the horizon!!!"

The Captain yells out: "Bring me my brown pants!".

[Barkingturtle]

Originally Posted by Acillatem [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

A pirate ship is sailing the sea when the lookout from the bird's nest yells out "Captain, Captain! Ship on the horizon!".

The Captain calls out "Bring me my red shirt!".

A bloody battle ensues, but the pirate ship is victorious. Afterwards the First Mate asked the Captain why he wanted a red shirt, to which the Captain replied;

"So if I were to get injured during battle, the men could not see me bleeding and morale would not drop."

A few days pass, and once again the lookout cries out: "Captain! Captain! FIVE ships on the horizon!!!"

The Captain yells out: "Bring me my brown pants!".

Offensive.

Ban Acillatem imo.

[Spacebar]

Ouch, after reading some of these, I feel less bad about posting some Doug Stanhope jokes.

I personally like the first and last here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQZWA-T3nbs

Or if you don't like videos:

Hey, so I told my girlfriend I wanted to fuck her between the tits, she said, "How're you gonna make that feel good for me?", I said, "Right before I cum I'll stop punching you in the face."

and...

I had a girl say this to me. She goes "you know, if god intended women to suck dick, he'd made cum taste like chocolate" I said "Yeah, but he had to make it taste like bleach so you remember to do the laundry"

[Envious]

Doug Stanhope is flat out hilarious.

http://youtu.be/MAVyiJ1SINE

This is a good one... but my personal favorite is his transvestite hooker story.

[Shadowthread]

What does Count Dracula's girlfriend and a washed up boxer have in common?


They both go down for the Count.

[Polixenes]

Why did the baker have brown hands?

He kneaded a poo.

[JenJen]

i am laughing at these poo related jokes

[Hasbinbad]

So I was fucking this chick..

..and I turn her over, and before she knew what was happening, I put it in her ass..

..and as I was about to nut..

..she turns to me and says "Don't you think it's a little presumptuous to just turn me over and start fucking me in the ass?"

..

..

..and I says "no.."

..

..

"..but I do think presumptuous is a awfully big word for an eight year old."

[Pico]

so edgy unnngghh

[Pico]

did u hear the one about the pedo fuckin the 5 year old LOL milk everywhere