A Halfling's Odyssey

[captnamazing]

Thus, Filbus strung his mighty bow – cold oak
Formed it's wicked curves – Ten Longfoot Feet
The bowshaft spanned. It curved and twisted
like the ebony horn of Trakanon.

Filbus drew and knocked a soggy arrow
The heavens sang out, immaculate chorus
From hill to hill, the arrow whistled
Flashing like a diving eagle afront the son

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The arrow struck home and the Cyclops writhed
It roared and waxed its breath like a bellows.
But 'twas no more than a nagging splinter
the Cyclops charged the heroic halfling!

Fret not, most intrepid reader of adventure.
Filbus, though forgotten by his Blood God
Had not forgotten his sword, the Blood God
And he delicately painted the sands red.

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[captnamazing]

Upon the Cyclops' person Filbus found
Riches unimagined, a ruby crown!
With great delight he pocketed the loot
And marched further into the island.

For some days and night Filbus stayed afoot
Upon the island of Cyclops, feared beasts.
Whose malevolent gaze could strike terror
In the ivory breast of Grumphilda.

O' Most Noble Darling - Filbus screamed
His teeth dripping with shredded tendon – Beauty!
His armor drenched in dripping blood – My Sweet!
The cyclops brutes will fear your name: Grumphilde!!

At last, the fury of his blood-frenzy
Abated like the ebbing of a foaming tide
And Filbus found no other victims
To whet the thirst of his sated blade.

The halfling was cheerful and rich of spirit
He was fat on feasted flesh and rich in gold
So with his pockets weeping shining gems
He swum away, away, to a bleaker place.

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[Cyph]

Go Filbus! Excellent stuff [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

[captnamazing]

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~~5~~

How desolate this basalt rock compared
To the lush valleys of the Thicket
How destitute of culture, these people
Gargoyles and goblins... no art, no cheer!

Filbus wandered o'er rock, crag, and cliff
Met by mirthless eyes that shied in fear
From the glory of his deadly, sharpened blades
This was the island of the fabled Oracle.

Our hero searched in vain for the oracle
He bothered not with these foes, like to ants
At length he found a tolerable stretch
of emerald grass, whereupon he found

The High Elf! Guardian of K'arnon.
Filbus had heard legend of this great elf
Whose righteous blade smote those intrepid few
Who tried to kill the Oracle, that seer.

“Where is the [oracle]?” Filbus asked him.
Attempting to parlay with this noble
Paladin, whose armor shone bright like the
Rising sun o'er the ice blocks of Everfrost.

[captnamazing]

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Guardian of K'Arnon silent, stood
Unanswering, unwavering, he said
Not. “O' Peerless Paladin,” Taunted Filbus
“Do not make me slay you, too. You will die!”

“Do not interfere with me, Filbus!”
The elf shrieked. He lunged forward and slugged hard
Filbus felt teeth rattle loose in his mouth
The blood seeped down his throat. “And now you die!”

They dueled upon that mournful rock like Kings.
The heavens wept in vain for these two heroes.
One of whom had lost his God, the other whom
Would waste his life with a Paladin's pride.

O' how they danced! The dirt turned into mud
Guardian of K'Arnon was mighty in his own right
He wrestled deftly against our halfling hero
Determined to defend the ghost of his Oracle, to the death!

Filbus had worn down the Guardian with
A thousand cuts. The courageous elf sought
Help from the Gods, and they answered!
His wounds were healed time and time again.

In a jealous rage, Filbus struck him down
Once and for all. The Guardian's head
Rolled like a doomed boulder into the sea
And Filbus took from the elf the finest cut of loin.

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“Greengrocer will appreciate this.” Fil thought.
And then turning his back on the gods, on
the island whereupon he had slain a fine elf,
he plunged, armor bloody, into the depths.

[captnamazing]

What hope had Filbus for himself?
He sank and sank, with no worry for where he went.
It was clear to him that the wind blew ill
and the currents of the ocean sought to slay him.

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For days Filbus swam through the depths.
He aimed to drown himself, but was thwarted
By the sheer power of his own lungs
and was made invulnerable to such a petty death.

He rode great fish the likes of which
Could not be imagined. They permitted
To ferry him whither they desired
After he struck them repeatedly in the brain.

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Journeying aimlessly through forgotten depths,
Filbus wept a single tear. A halfling tear!
A cure for all diseases, as any cleric knows.
He longed for the whiskered embrace of Grumphilda.

Has she forgotten me? He thought in Fear
I have no doubt a dozen dwarves are near
They all aim to take her as a bride
Filbus turned red in rage, and more, his spirit died.

With these thoughts in mind, he resolved
To find a way to Butcherblock, or he
Would destroy the world and kill all lovers
he would strike Fear into the heart of them all!

He breached the surface of the icy depths
Like a mastodon rising from a tar pit
And he roared a challenge to the cursed gods
“I will cut you down and fuck your mouth!”

Then, before his very eyes, a white isle
Cloaked in ice, had from its shoulders lifted
a veil of silver fog. Then and there, Fil
Decided to strike Fear into the hearts of any there.

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[Clark]

Lol good stuff.

[captnamazing]

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~~6~~

Those who quail at thought of harm, turn your eyes!
This account is dark and full of terror.
As cold as the island was, made of ice
Filbus' heart was ten times the cooler.

He made his way upon the glaciered slopes
Spied a thing about the size of a halfling
Though a little larger, and cloaked in white
Dwarves! Filbus frothed to himself. Time to die!

He let fly an arrow fast like lightning
It smote the white-furred dwarf between the eyes
The dwarf howled like a yeti and pawed 'pon
Its injured face. A dozen of its kin appeared.

The halfling hero smiled cruelly.
This was what he wanted – horde on his feet!
He leaped over the snowy ice, pantherlike
Watching the dwarf militia swell behind.

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I will make each one of these white dwarves pay
Tenfold for the crime they thought to commit!
Lascivious imaginings – my sweet -
I shield you from their lecherous fantasy!

Filbus raced seven times 'round the icy isle
The dwarves bellowed in pursuit and summoned
All their kind from their hollowed ice caves
At last, their number reached the height: two score.

The deranged halfling drew the Earthshaker
A sword so mighty it rent the globe's foundation
Its swings caused mighty quakes to thunder
And slay all who stood before its wielder.

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Again, again, the earth howled below!
Shaking, grinding – that tectonic Terror.
The dwarves were catapulted and crunched and
smashed to smithereens, to dwarven jelly.

At the end of his work, Filbus rested
Wondering where the king of these ignoble dwarves
Would reside, on such a barbarous isle.
Surely, thought Filbus, in the center!

[captnamazing]

Thus, he stripped himself of his armors
and equipped a darker set, stained by blood
Won by the cruel hand of fear itself
A set of gear that matched the darkness of his heart.

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Filbus, made invisible by his Shadowknight's armor
Crept thru the icy crags of the icy isle
And lo! There was Halara! The King
Of these cursed white, ape-like dwarves!

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Filbus stabbed Halara in the heart
With Bloodpoint, and that necromantic blade
sapped the life of the dwarven king
restoring, reinvigorating, the hero.

In an instant, the royal guard assailed him
Filbus cut them to pieces more quickly than
A single blow could be dealt upon his back
And then it was him and the King.

They dueled for the duration of a sunny day
The blood of Halara turned rust brown
On the ground, and the blood stained Filbus'
Feet as he danced the dance of Slaying.

Throughout the night they had fierce melee
Their bodies' heat melted a great portion of the ice
And as the sun crept upon the horizon's rim
Filbus led Halara to the top of the icy mountain.

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There, they both knew, one would die.
For had Filbus not grievously wounded Halara?
And had Halara not most expertly broken
Several of Filbus' steel-like bones?

But what Halara, the King of the Sea Dwarves
made up for in brutish strength
he lacked in cunning, in the wiley wit
That our halfling hero possessed in excess

As the sun showed its shining face
Halara found himself blinded directly by the light
Filbus used this time to sever Halara's hamstrings
And kick him, like a useless meat-sack, down the slope.

Halara's neck snapped like a peal of thunder
He was dead in an instant 'pon the mountain.
Filbus checked Halara's loot table
and was disgusted to find the dwarf a pauper.

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[captnamazing]

He left the body on the frozen summit
Let the wind blow him from the forgotten peak
and surrendered himself to the ocean's current
The waters cooled his rage – the wind his fury.

As he drifted 'pon the wings of time
Filbus felt the hands of Gods toying with him
Like the slimy hands of that Lecherous Sheriff
That touched Filbus, when he was a wee lad.

Confused, aroused, Filbus demanded
An answer from a god – any god!
All he heard in response was titanic laughter
Was it Bristlebane? Cazic-Thule? or Zek??
At last, Filbus arrived on another island.
Of a balmy, tropical ilk. Where life could
Flourish as to like that in Rivervale.

He wandered on the white sanded shores
Pondering his fate, this forced exile
Where no wind blew in his favor,
Nor did any ship come to his aid.

Then he spotted a familiar sight in the distance
A giant chessboard like the one of Butcherblock!
Filbus studied the ancient kings and queens
beaten as they were by the sands of time.

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He stood there for several days
without eating or sleeping, only wondering
At his own life. Where were the other chess pieces?
Where was the board? Who was the hand that placed him?