The Horror of Runnyeye

[captnamazing]

The clouds were thick over the Thicket,
I was in the Vale, showing my stick to Meeka Diggs
When I got the message from Wubblefarven, the Mayor's Chief Guy.
The message that would claim the lives of four innocent young hobbits,
and forever change my life.

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We met in the Fool's Gold, and Wubble was fast
to give me my pre-contract beverage

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With my thirst quenched... barely, I turned to Wubble
"What's the word?" I asked. Already, I could feel my toes curling
He was fidgety... something was definitely wrong.
Usually he complained when I asked for twenty bottles.

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I am writing this not in a search for fame
But as a warning to all who go after me:
Do not investigate the horrors of Runnyeye!
This is a cautionary tale,
not meant for the faint of heart.
For even recalling those hours of terrors sends beads of sweat like permafrost ice
jittering down my spine...

[Jimjam]

pics or it didn't happen

[Aveenia]

I avoid Runnyeye, I dislike conjunctivitis.

[captnamazing]

The facts were these:
Runnyeye had something wrong with it.
More than just the usual dumb, greedy goblin sort of problem

Wubblefarvin had sent a patrol down in there
To parlay with the Goblin King,
as the festival of Happy Summer was near at hand
And it was good for business, both ours and their's,
If Mooto wasn't sighted by the travelers.

Out of the four hobbits on the patrol, only one returned
and he came back beaten and bloody
with a sack tied around his neck...

What was in the sack? I asked Wubblefarvin
The old hobbit's hand clenched on his glass,
he turned to me, pale like diamond dust
"The bag," he said, "was filled with six halfling feet."

If I was as smart as I am brave
I would have dipped
Not only was that terrifying... but where could a goblin get a bag that big?
Something about this whole case just didn't smell right.. and it wasn't my feet

[Misanthrope]

There are rumors of a halfling who lures his cousins to die in a horrible and very stinky place...

[captnamazing]

Well, Wubblefarvin gave me a stout stipend to fund my travels
I bought a bag full of liquor and went back into the rain.

It didn't take long to find a willing sidekick. His name was Billybarty.
Billybarty Sillyparty.

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And it would be his last day alive.

I gave him coin and drink and we sped across the Thicket.
Hopping over the wall so the pesky Sherriffs wouldn't stop us for questioning.
They were a cowardly lot, the Sherrifs
I have never lamented their frequent deaths.

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At the entrance to Runnyeye, we met with three other intrepid young adventurers.
There was Jumbeat the crafty, a warrior who used his halfling abilities well
Sunt the simple, second to die
and Grumphilda the Beauty,
a truly fine exotic treasure
Crafted from the bronze of Brell's beard.

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Giving them each some platinum coins
As well as a hearty quaff of brandy
or Honey Mead
or Fish Wine
Or Ale
We ventured into Runnyeye.

The ale was strong and it took us some time to make our way down into the pits

It was true... there was something off here.
I knew Runnyeye well, had parlayed with the King many times
But what was it?
A feral reek
The shadows too dark
My companions felt it too...
By the time we reached the third level of the Citadel, they hung closely together for warmth
And ah, at least they had a pleasant final moment, for their hour was near at hand

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[captnamazing]

Have you ever seen the face of death plastered upon the moon?

My very hand trembles as I write these passages,
Forced to recall the dark face of Fear as I witnessed it that fateful night
I should have stayed with Meeka
I should have told Wubble to shove it!
But instead, my hands are stained with the blood of my friends
And I have beheld with my own eyes
A frightful visage that leaves me a quivering huddle
Oh, the horror!

[Misanthrope]

I feel you laced all 60 drinks you provided. It led me to drink from the aqueduct, where I was promptly disemboweled by a sludge puppy.

[captnamazing]

As we came across goblin after goblin
I took it upon myself to interrogate them
WHAT TERRORS LIE BELOW?
But the goblins, ever dumb, attacked me
And i was forced to dispatch them with a quick blow to their heads
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By now, we were deep. My fellows were cold and hungry
And scared
With good reason, for did I not also feel the cold finger of Death toying at my soul?
I handed out more of the stipend and booze to bolster their spirits.

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Down, down we went
Through the twisting maze of that accursed hole.
Blood stained the walls like a repugnant slime.
It was true, I knew in my bones
The goblin king had awoken something foul,
Some preternatural horror of the lower planes
A big can of worms, so to speak...
I was beginning to ask questions,
and that was bad.
For if there are two things I hate,
it is questions, and it is worms.

[captnamazing]

Alas, the hour of blackened iron death was upon us.
Grumphilda fought heroically against a superior foe.
Her blades rang out in the stone halls like the tolling of funeral bells
ACH! LADDIES! She cried
THEY BE ATTACKIN!!
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And O' was her beard not brilliant like a summer moon
As the crimson blood spewed from her chest
Cresting through the air like a wave
and misting us all?
Lament for the honorable beauty Grumphilda
and pledge a prayer to Brell for her resurrection
For she is a beauty and a beast like this world has never known.

I still remember the first time we met
Outside the Citadel
Her spicy musk filling the air like the scent of Yola's sweet c
ookies, fresh from the oven..

Just as fondly as I remember her
Tenfold was the fury of my wrath as I lashed out onto the goblin foes
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But there was nothing for it.
Grumphilda fell.
Like a beautiful titan.
And then Sunt the Simple
And Billybarty Sillyparty
My first deputy.

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At the end of the onslaught, it was just Jumbeat and I.
He had hidden behind a barrel like a smart lad
as I, enraged, eviscerated our many foes.
At the end of the onslaught, it was just Jumbeat and I.
My hands were shaking, palms sweaty
Without the good lad Jumbeat, there is no doubt
I would have finished myself then
Ended the horror that is life in this world.

But no! Jumbeat the brave,
He pilfered the goblins for their paltry coin and said
We must go on!
For we have a QUEST!!

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