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Old 01-11-2013, 05:57 PM
fadetree fadetree is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,958
Default Ranger Epic Walkthrough Parody

Step 1 : "Potatoes for Jaris"



Find Jaris in Blackburrow. He is on a fast spawn, and walks between the spike pit and the bridge ninja looting spiked collars. Hail him.



Fadetree says : Hail, Jaris.

Jaris says : No, I won't clarity you or haste you. Now go away. I have no time to speak to you of such [matters].

Fadetree says : What kind of matters?

Jaris says : Soup! I must make soup for my Mistress! But I cant find the [Goddamn Potatoes]

Fadetree says : What kind of goddamn potatoes?

Jaris says : The potatoes of Karana! I must have them for my soup! I think I lost them on the plains of Karanas!

Fadetree says : haste plz

Jaris says : NO!

Fadetree says : c2 plz

Jaris says : NO!

Fadetree says : suxx0r



At this point, Jaris will begin walking rapidly towards the round room. He will be aggro to all players less than level 10. You can leave him go.



Next head out to Northern Karanas. The Goddamn Potatoes are dropped by Grimfeather. You must attempt to charm him, so ask a druid to come use their animal charm on Grimfeather. After the druid is dead, you can then proceed to kill Grimfeather and loot the GDP. Some have reported that the death of the druid is uneccesary, but we figure what the heck. Better safe than sorry.



Step 2 : "Pots for PuddinTame"



Next you must locate PuddinTame in Misty. She runs a random circuit around misty at approximately selo's speed, and changes direction immediately upon opening a trade window. You must give her 165 pixie wings, one at a time. She is on Steel Warriors and The Dead faction, and you must be warmly to both factions for this to work.

(If you are not, locate Tyme Synk in North freeport and give him approximately 10,000 muffins). Immediately upon receipt of the 165th pixie wing, she will give you : A Pot. The pot is an edible weapon, effect 100% haste 10dmg 2dly, 1hb NONE/NONE, identifies as 'HAHAHAHAH omg rofl they're DOING it".



Step 3 : "The Lost Recipe"



Next, you must camp Nehvair Bin`Seene in Skyfire. He is a triggered spawn, and spawns immediately after Ragefire is killed on a Tuesday, within ten minutes of Innoruuk dropping the Shattered Emerald of Corruption exactly 48 hours after The General in Kithicor gets killed by a Bixie.



Once you find Nehvair, give him all of your money. Thats right. all of it. If you have any money at all left in your bank account, this will not work, so make sure and clean yourself out. Immediately sit and camp out. Do not log back in to EQ until you get a registered letter from Abashi. In this mail you will find a six letter random phrase. Log back into EQ. You must now wait for Nehvair to spawn again. When he does, hail him and tell him the six letter phrase. He will hand you The Lost Recipe and despawn.



You are almost done!



Step 4 : Making the Soup



You must now reach master in Brewing, baking, tailoring, jewelcraft, and haiku composing. Well, not really the haiku thing, but its something to do while you spend the next few months on tradeskills. You must forge the Dreaded Pot of Doom, tailor the Hotpad of Desire, and make an Enamelled Emerald Hotplate. See the subquest information for details. Once these have been made, go to Jaris in BlackBurrow and Hail him.



Fadetree says : Hail, Jaris.

Jaris says : No, I won't clarity you or haste you. Now go away. I have no time to speak to you of such [matters].

Fadetree says : I have the Goddamn Potatoes.

Jaris says : w00t!



Hand Jaris the Goddamn Potatoes, The Lost Recipe, the Dreaded Pot of Doom, the Hotpad of Desire, and the Enamelled Emerald Hotplate.



Jaris says : Finally! The Mistress will be pleased! I shall make soup!

Jaris says : >>Fadetree : getting a c2!

Jaris says : >>Fadetree : getting aq!

Fadetree says : roxx0r



Jaris immediately leaves, running through a secret entrance in the wall.
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Last edited by fadetree; 01-11-2013 at 10:10 PM..
  #2  
Old 01-12-2013, 04:06 AM
Pimecone Pimecone is offline
Orc


Join Date: Nov 2012
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