DAP is dead, dial UPER - we are hiring

[Yasi]

Dear all,
There have been quite some threads about the <Dial A Port> (which will be referred to as „taxi“ from here on). A long, long time ago, the invention of taxi brought with it a new era of mobility for individuals. You could get from anywhere to anywhere in a very comfortable manner, skipping the hassles of public transportation in busses or trains.
You were befriended with your regular taxi drivers, who would pick you up at 3am in the morning at your favourite pub.

Hell, you could have put a sign around your neck saying “dear taxi man, please bring me home to this address, money is in my pocket” and would not have doubted for a second that being the good guy he was, you would wake up at home in your bed, under a cozy blanket with no penny missing.

These beautiful days have long vanished. The words “taxi” and “customer service” are not be named in a single sentence at once. Instead of comfortable armchair like seats you will find yourself in a 25 year old shit car. Instead of a nice conversation with the angel on the driving seat, some 200lb dude with leftovers in his beard will shout “WHERE TO?” at you. Although he would shout, you will barely understand it due to the damping effect of the cold cigarette smoke that fills the entire car.

If your answer doesn’t suit him, because your trip is of short nature, he will go into grumpy mode giving you the feeling of being highly unwelcome in his car. If your trip is long, he will go for detours to gain maximum profit out of your joyride.

Reaching your destination, you will be charged ridiculous amounts of money for non-existing service. Not paying cash will add extra charges. No cash = not classic apparently.

Ladies and gentlemen, these days are over.

I am herby proudly announcing new guild <UNITED PALS EXCURSIONS REMASTERED> (short “UPER”).

We intend to fill the service gap the taxi has left, by providing a new level of superb travelling service. Our USPs:

• Presentable drivers: all drivers will be proficient in English and talk to you in full sentences, daily showers are mandatory.
• Fair pricing: we believe that mobility is a human right. You should not be denied getting from A to B because you’re unable to pay high prices.
• Fair working environment: a happy drivers makes a happy customer. Our drivers get paid above minimum wage. We support their entrepreneurial spirit. The times of daylight robbery by Afeni are over.
• Ever sat on the taxi bench bored? Our drivers are trained entertainers, making our ride a unique fun trip.
• Ever were dropped by your taxi in the rain without an umbrella? We will make sure you get all the things you need on arrival, including invisibility and movement speed.

The best for last:
WE ARE HIRING. If you want to be part of UPER, send me a private message. Help us to make travelling great again.

Best,
Yasi

[xtraball]

Interesting... what's your pricing policy ?

[Yasi]

Originally Posted by xtraball [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Interesting... what's your pricing policy ?

It is based on a secret formula. The formula includes /inspect, the auction logger System and it also takes into your account your Level. I can't disclose more yet, but as a result, a Level 5 character with a fungi and a tranquil staff will be charged more than a Level 45 character without a fungi and a tranquil staff.
The System is great. I think it's fair to say that it is the best System ever invented.

[jackd104]

Originally Posted by Yasi [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

It is based on a secret formula. The formula includes /inspect, the auction logger System and it also takes into your account your Level. I can't disclose more yet, but as a result, a Level 5 character with a fungi and a tranquil staff will be charged more than a Level 45 character without a fungi and a tranquil staff.
The System is great. I think it's fair to say that it is the best System ever invented.

Are you serious about this pricing system? I'm autistic and known for being guillable. Please clarify.

[Yasi]

Originally Posted by jackd104 [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Are you serious about this pricing system? I'm autistic and known for being guillable. Please clarify.

I won't go into detail of our secret algorithm, but it basically works like this: It takes a look at your equipment and compares your items to the wiki avg price, thereby coming up with what we call "wealth factor", which is a one digit figure. It then also takes into consideration your level to come up with the price.

To give you an idea: a level 11 with an equipment avg net worth of 100pp would pay roughly 8pp per port.
A level 60 with an avg net worth of 50kpp would pay 54pp.

[jackd104]

Originally Posted by Yasi [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

I won't go into detail of our secret algorithm, but it basically works like this: It takes a look at your equipment and compares your items to the wiki avg price, thereby coming up with what we call "wealth factor", which is a one digit figure. It then also takes into consideration your level to come up with the price.

To give you an idea: a level 11 with an equipment avg net worth of 100pp would pay roughly 8pp per port.
A level 60 with an avg net worth of 50kpp would pay 54pp.

Ok, I get it now. I see this thread is just a big joke [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] thank you for clarification.

[Mead]

uber is so last decade

it's all about uper now

[Lhancelot]

I suggest a plat fee charge across the boards no matter level/class, gears worn etc. Why make this complicated?

Every member of UPER should charge 10pp per port, no more no less.

[NegaStoat]

Originally Posted by Lhancelot [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Every member of UPER should charge 10pp per port, no more no less.

Taking this OP seriously, the issue with the new venture having a base cost of 10pp (we can assume that experienced players will tip more) is that a large percentage of customers might still stick to just handing over 10pp, which will be accepted and life will go on. The issue is such a venture, assuming it's successful, will fill up rapidly with customers with that low rate and the time available from an UPER who will be in Tell Hell which will limit their ability to interact and entertain their customers.

But then again, Everquest was always intended to be a game that hinged on players interacting with each other. I guess some UPERS members would welcome the challenge of a hectic pace.

[Lhancelot]

Originally Posted by NegaStoat [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Taking this OP seriously, the issue with the new venture having a base cost of 10pp (we can assume that experienced players will tip more) is that a large percentage of customers might still stick to just handing over 10pp, which will be accepted and life will go on. The issue is such a venture, assuming it's successful, will fill up rapidly with customers with that low rate and the time available from an UPER who will be in Tell Hell which will limit their ability to interact and entertain their customers.

But then again, Everquest was always intended to be a game that hinged on players interacting with each other. I guess some UPERS members would welcome the challenge of a hectic pace.

In the spirit of UPER, each porter will never have more than 3 people in a queue, that will eliminate long wait times, and also alleviate the stress on the porter.

They simply need to pull tag down when they have 3 people in a queue waiting for a port.