Letter from a dark elf enchanter to his sister back home

[torogdil]

To my dearest sister Theadora, etc. Give my love to etc., etc.

Sorry for the delay, Thea — it’s been a big week. To answer your questions, no I still haven’t learnt Clarity and yes there’s more to Breeze than just the placebo effect.

I’m writing to you from the Stonebrunt Mountains, but just two days ago I was hunting birdmen on the Plains of Karana. I say hunting, but they live in a treetop town and don’t stray far, so the challenge is more in not falling off. They don’t see the need for handrails, and I always forget to buy batwings. Am always caught without levitate at the least convenient times.

A few things of note re. my time w/ the birdmen:

1. They do seem to be exclusively male, and to exclusively have rippling and bulging abdominal muscles. They all wear tight red shorts.
2. I met a fat little gnome magician who insisted I try some of their flesh roasted. He summoned a variety of herbs and spices (would not disclose which!) and the combination was just as good as he advertised. Tempted to take a breeding pair home to Neriak, except see point 1 re. mysterious exclusive maleness.
3. Nearby Lake Rathetear has exquisite sunrises and sunsets. Made me wish I could paint, or that you were there to do so.

Have you decided what you’re going to study, by the way? The longer I journey the more I realise the world needs Clerics more than anything. Seems mum was right about one thing at least! I’ve always thought you’d make a good Rogue though. Sneaking, backstabbing, stealing, etc.

Speaking of sneaking, I took the boat from (idiotically racist) Qeynos to (murderously bigoted) Erudin using a combination of invisibility and making myself look like a Wood Elf. You wouldn’t believe how much more humans smile at you when you look like a Wood Elf. The world outside Nektulos Forest is a sick, sad one. Anyway, tense boat ride for me. The Erudites give me the creeps, especially their guards (or “Sentinels” — hah.) But I did manage to find some new illusions in their Great Library. I can make myself look like a skeleton now. Another trick for the parlour!

Yes, I’m aware we don’t have a parlour or even a sitting room. Speaking of which, you wouldn’t believe how spoiled some of the people I met in Unrest are. Imagine having a Grandmaster Wizard and a fancy-who-knows-what Druid for your parents. The high elves are particularly bad for this. They thought I was joking when I told them dad is a teller at the Neriak bank.

On another note, I do feel a sort of kinship with gnome women. Perhaps because they remind me of my little sister Theadora?

I’ve been in a bit of a foul mood. Died at Bird City more times than I’m willing to admit to, so progress towards getting us a place with a parlour has been slow. Getting through the kobold’s tunnels and up into the mountains was a bit dicey too — I never knew when my invisibility was going to run out, or which creatures in there would take the chance to attack me. There are these awful grinning little bat things which seem to love casting spells, and I fell through a hidden trapdoor into a entire den of them.

The kobolds have a king with his own throne room down there, but when I went to take a look all I saw was a very dangerous-looking Iksar standing over an empty throne, silently swishing his tail. I tried to make him jump by sneaking behind him invisibly and saying ‘Hail, Iksar!’ but he pretended not to notice me. Or maybe he was in some sort of murderous trance. Iksar still a mystery to me.

These mountains are pretty. Falling snowflakes and blessed solitude. It’s the first time all week I haven’t felt the desperate need to cast Breeze on myself.

Thinking of you cheers me up too, of course, dearest Theadora.

Lots of love, your brother Kaz.

P.S. Send your reply to Qeynos, I’m sure I’ll be back there soon and for all their faults the humans do run a good postal service.

P.P.S. I’m thinking of exploring Najena next, so a visit home may be on the cards! Just need to figure out how to explain my excesses in Crushbone to the Neriak guards. If you have any ideas please let me know.

P.P.S. Don’t tell mum about Najena or in fact about anything in this letter. She worries too much already.