My EverQuest Experience

[reznor_]

Originally Posted by July [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Got kicked out of 3 guilds in the span of 6-weeks, so I felt compelled to talk about my experience in this community.

For starters, I'd like to mention that I'm no stranger to rejection. The first time I was treated poorly for being an autistic person, I was 5-years old. That's never stopped, and it will never stop. It's merely a fact of life. But diving in:

Guild One

With the first guild, I have no idea what I did wrong. The GM basically just said someone thought I was acting weird.

Weeks later, I received a message from one of their members which suggested I'd offended them. They were confident I'd done so knowingly & maliciously, so kicking me was their revenge.

Guild Two

This one was largely my fault: I told someone in Discord to shut-up. In my experience, people are at their worst in groups -- when they're being seen by others. The wrong person took deep offense and wanted to hurt me in return, so I was kicked again.

When I tried to explain my intent to stay out of chats so I don't offend anyone in the future, it was treated as proof I should be removed.

Guild Three

By this point, I'd hidden guild chat entirely & resolved to never use public Discord channels. I didn't want to accidentally offend anyone like I'd done with guild #1, and I didn't want to lose my temper & offend someone like I'd done with guild #2. But one day I found myself AFK in the entrance of TOV for about 10 minutes, (while playing Warcraft in the background), which apparently makes things harder on the DKP-counting-robot.

Understandably, the guild wanted to discourage that behavior. And to their credit, about a week prior I'd AFK'd for several hours in the entrance, not knowing what a problem that would be. The following morning, I woke up to discover I'd been "temporarily" gkicked under the rationale: "so the officers would have to do less work in managing the dkp robot." However, we were killing Vulak at the time... there was no more possibility of DKP administration.

As it turns out, they'd assumed I was maliciously AFK for that 10-minutes, and they expected me to see their gkick as some kind of warning to stop. But autistics don't communicate in hints, subtext & clues. They largely go over my head.

Since I'd assumed they were telling me the truth and behaving irrationally, I pointed out the irrationality.... which made them upset. Having misunderstood this as an attempt to insult them, they escalated with insults & power trips. I basically told them "this is a shitty way to treat people." And that was gkick #3.

Wrap Up

Guild #1 and #3 were aware that I'm autistic. It made no difference.

I'm not posting this for anyone's sympathy, nor to shame anyone, nor to change the outcome of these events. I wish all of these people nothing but the best, and I don't blame anyone for behaving the way they did.

I'm only posting this in the hopes that people will go a little easier on the next autistic person to come through this community. As I often say, our suicide rate is about 7x higher, and it's almost entirely because of how we're treated by others.

Please don't assume all odd behavior has malicious intent. Try to remember there are alternative explanations. Forgiveness & mercy are good for the soul. Wrath is not.

yeah you suck

[Lostfaction]

Mistake #4 was posting this in rnf.

But in all honesty telling a raid leader to [redacted] over coms in the middle of a AOW engage is a bit challenging to just look past. Maybe stick to smaller group content.

[Twochain]

Originally Posted by July [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Got kicked out of 3 guilds in the span of 6-weeks, so I felt compelled to talk about my experience in this community.

For starters, I'd like to mention that I'm no stranger to rejection. The first time I was treated poorly for being an autistic person, I was 5-years old. That's never stopped, and it will never stop. It's merely a fact of life. But diving in:

Guild One

With the first guild, I have no idea what I did wrong. The GM basically just said someone thought I was acting weird.

Weeks later, I received a message from one of their members which suggested I'd offended them. They were confident I'd done so knowingly & maliciously, so kicking me was their revenge.

Guild Two

This one was largely my fault: I told someone in Discord to shut-up. In my experience, people are at their worst in groups -- when they're being seen by others. The wrong person took deep offense and wanted to hurt me in return, so I was kicked again.

When I tried to explain my intent to stay out of chats so I don't offend anyone in the future, it was treated as proof I should be removed.

Guild Three

By this point, I'd hidden guild chat entirely & resolved to never use public Discord channels. I didn't want to accidentally offend anyone like I'd done with guild #1, and I didn't want to lose my temper & offend someone like I'd done with guild #2. But one day I found myself AFK in the entrance of TOV for about 10 minutes, (while playing Warcraft in the background), which apparently makes things harder on the DKP-counting-robot.

Understandably, the guild wanted to discourage that behavior. And to their credit, about a week prior I'd AFK'd for several hours in the entrance, not knowing what a problem that would be. The following morning, I woke up to discover I'd been "temporarily" gkicked under the rationale: "so the officers would have to do less work in managing the dkp robot." However, we were killing Vulak at the time... there was no more possibility of DKP administration.

As it turns out, they'd assumed I was maliciously AFK for that 10-minutes, and they expected me to see their gkick as some kind of warning to stop. But autistics don't communicate in hints, subtext & clues. They largely go over my head.

Since I'd assumed they were telling me the truth and behaving irrationally, I pointed out the irrationality.... which made them upset. Having misunderstood this as an attempt to insult them, they escalated with insults & power trips. I basically told them "this is a shitty way to treat people." And that was gkick #3.

Wrap Up

Guild #1 and #3 were aware that I'm autistic. It made no difference.

I'm not posting this for anyone's sympathy, nor to shame anyone, nor to change the outcome of these events. I wish all of these people nothing but the best, and I don't blame anyone for behaving the way they did.

I'm only posting this in the hopes that people will go a little easier on the next autistic person to come through this community. As I often say, our suicide rate is about 7x higher, and it's almost entirely because of how we're treated by others.

Please don't assume all odd behavior has malicious intent. Try to remember there are alternative explanations. Forgiveness & mercy are good for the soul. Wrath is not.

I'm sorry bro. All I can say is that you need to make yourself more useful for the guild. It's hard to kick someone who is eager to step up and help in any way possible.

Kabull was able to do it and he's on the spectrum, so can you.

[meathook]

Yo TwoChain, did you get my DM??

[gkmarino]

Yo DM, did you get my twochain?

[Toxigen]

you sliding into my DMs?

[Tunabros]

OP is lying lol

[MrSparkle001]

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[cd288]

Originally Posted by Tunabros [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

OP is lying lol

Oh hey it's the dude who said he was leaving P99 because he had a kid and that everyone was jealous of him for having a "life"

Color me shocked that he's still here

[Balimon]

My oldest son has autism, and during your application process I fought for you to have a fair chance, knowing some of the challenges you have faced in your life. After you joined you proved yourself to be a competent, active, and quiet player. This was great, there's no rule that you have to be social, our rules are very clear: play when you want, follow the rules and have a good time. You were up front about how you feel about other people and our response was: No problem, just follow the rules, which includes treating people with respect.

You can't use autism as a shield to be a dick to people, which is what you do. You are obviously intelligent, you should realize that even if you don't care what people think about you that being rude and belligerent doesn't get you anywhere in a social game like this. Instead of taking direction from leadership about curbing your rude behavior, which I'd like to add is against the rules in the guild, you basically told them to screw off and that we were on 'thin ice'. If you were just able to take simple direction or criticism about your behavior you would still be guilded. These are all minor issues that other new players have no issue with regardless of their neuro status.

I'm glad you posted here because I had thought about DMing you, and I really wanted a chance to let you know that you have missed an opportunity here. Hopefully you can use this as a learning experience, being nice to people is easier and gets you farther more often than being rude. Why do you always take the hard road? What do you think you have to prove? All sorts of people have autism, it's a gift, use it for good and help the people that you share this life with instead of thinking that you are somehow not a part of a community and have a role to play. Please take care and good luck to you!