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  #141  
Old 03-25-2021, 06:54 PM
Yumyums Inmahtumtums Yumyums Inmahtumtums is offline
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Genuinely interesting thread. Married, CIS, born male, still male, largely very happy though I have my moments. Sorry for your struggles. I identify with almost none of your problems but I’m feeling a great deal of empathy for some quality I can’t put my finger on.

I have nothing of value to add other than I genuinely hope you find happiness and that life is fulfilling.this forum is full of garbage and shit people with bad opinions but for the first time in a while Im coming away from it (without real opinion mind you) with something to think about.

Imperiouskitten you have a great written inner monologue
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  #142  
Old 03-25-2021, 07:29 PM
magnetaress magnetaress is offline
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Impk is a jobless unemployed rage-o-manic too. They never worked. They think they did. Are entitled. Willingly fling and slander. But in the end they sling PMs of CardiB butt pics at me saying "you'll never have this".

It's a shit monologue strait outa Portland opiate mill and disability. Take sides because you hate me, or Americas service men and women.

The Dark Mirror is as real as the projection.

I hate no one. Not even angry millenials who demand we kneel before Alexa and Amazon and play dress up in VR suits to sell ourselves as NFTs.

It's not my problem. I'll be crossing the rainbow bridge myself in a few years to be with my old man again. All of God's creatures deserve love.

Not just the Kardashians. And you'd never fuck Ahmad so don't talk shit.

Child. My sweet summer child.

God bless you all.
  #143  
Old 03-26-2021, 01:16 AM
Cecily Cecily is offline
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Originally Posted by Yumyums Inmahtumtums [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]
Genuinely interesting thread. Married, CIS, born male, still male, largely very happy though I have my moments. Sorry for your struggles. I identify with almost none of your problems but I’m feeling a great deal of empathy for some quality I can’t put my finger on.

I have nothing of value to add other than I genuinely hope you find happiness and that life is fulfilling.this forum is full of garbage and shit people with bad opinions but for the first time in a while Im coming away from it (without real opinion mind you) with something to think about.

Imperiouskitten you have a great written inner monologue
Thanks for your interest. Sincerely. A lot of the time it's like screaming into the void, but I think the reason most of us started sharing our experience was to help people understand us a little bit better. Usually doesn't work. It's hard to get people to relate when they can't relate. Also we're not completely reliable narrators of own stories. You can see persecution complexes on display and performative victimhood in pretty much any group of us, especially including this one.. take our struggles with a grain of salt. It definitely does suck in a lot of different ways, but a good bit of that is self-inflicted and liable to change with maturity. My view point has changed radically over time as I've taken more accountability for my life, coupled with actual experience. Society used to look a lot more scary when this was all hypothetical and I was running off existential dread 24/7. I give way less fucks now. Care way less about opinion / perception management.. Way happier for it and people mostly treat me the way I was going for once I stopped trying so hard. Also completely unsure how true any of that is. Maybe I really care about not seeming like I care.

Guess a big question is it really necessary for others to understand you? I think between any two people real understanding is an impossibility. So it's mostly my ego, which is super important to me, that cares about you caring about my life. It's narcissistic bullshit. Unimportant. People are different. It's ok. Be nice to people, treat them with respect, and that's enough.
Last edited by Cecily; 03-26-2021 at 01:38 AM..
  #144  
Old 03-26-2021, 01:46 AM
Snortles Chortles Snortles Chortles is offline
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  #145  
Old 03-26-2021, 09:08 AM
Yumyums Inmahtumtums Yumyums Inmahtumtums is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cecily [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]
Thanks for your interest. Sincerely. A lot of the time it's like screaming into the void, but I think the reason most of us started sharing our experience was to help people understand us a little bit better. Usually doesn't work. It's hard to get people to relate when they can't relate. Also we're not completely reliable narrators of own stories. You can see persecution complexes on display and performative victimhood in pretty much any group of us, especially including this one.. take our struggles with a grain of salt. It definitely does suck in a lot of different ways, but a good bit of that is self-inflicted and liable to change with maturity. My view point has changed radically over time as I've taken more accountability for my life, coupled with actual experience. Society used to look a lot more scary when this was all hypothetical and I was running off existential dread 24/7. I give way less fucks now. Care way less about opinion / perception management.. Way happier for it and people mostly treat me the way I was going for once I stopped trying so hard. Also completely unsure how true any of that is. Maybe I really care about not seeming like I care.

Guess a big question is it really necessary for others to understand you? I think between any two people real understanding is an impossibility. So it's mostly my ego, which is super important to me, that cares about you caring about my life. It's narcissistic bullshit. Unimportant. People are different. It's ok. Be nice to people, treat them with respect, and that's enough.
I’m not terribly sure. It’s a good question and to my eye anyways feels like one of this questions that seems to resolve itself somewhat with age. Getting older strips away that vanity and need for stroking until it’s finally all gone and we become caricatures of ourselves. Then we’re exaggerated versions of our worst traits unless we decide to hold onto the ugliness of caring what other people think and find balance managing our image while not getting hurt when someone doesn’t like you for whatever reason.

I’ve had many mushroom trips before but only one was a profound experience like the ones people talk about with lasting changes. For probably 30 minutes I sat around a fire and every relationship in my life or everything I thought I knew about the world was on the table. Like it was just a rule I had been following but for no other reason other than it was a rule. My marriage, my relationship with my kids etc... everything was deconstructed. It’s like when you’re driving and you imagine how easy it would be to swerve off the highway and into oncoming traffic, only this time I was completely indifferent to that idea. About everything.

It also laid bare my compulsions and bad habits, including the things I knew I was and wasn’t doing and why I wasn’t doing them. At least, there were no rules I was telling myself I was following or had habits I was engaging that kept me from doing them. They were just there.

Anyways, as I was coming back down from them, I remember concepts started taking shape again. Everything from my political beliefs, my preferences generally, my relationships etc... everything started to take shape again. But it had this physical quality to it where they were becoming more rigid as beliefs. It almost felt like as rules appeared they made things feel more 3D and like I had to move around them again, like it was before the trip. One big thing stuck out to me though; the vast majority of what was re-materializing for me was satisfactory and I was glad to have it back. I felt like in that moment , that’s how I knew I was comfortable in my own skin.

It’s a pretty spacey description I know but I guess my thought here is, I can’t relate to your experience or some of the other ones anyone else has had directly. I had the benefit of coming back to my life and being satisfied, which I know is a privilege. Yours and other posting in here felt cluttered with concepts and things that, to my eye, had actual properties and characteristics to them.

I hope you can be happy with your concepts one day or they start to melt away for you. There was a really big feeling of peace for me standing alone for a while and without rules. I imagine you could be profoundly happy with a long-term feeling like that.
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  #146  
Old 03-26-2021, 09:18 AM
Kaveh Kaveh is offline
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LOL hahahahahaha
  #147  
Old 03-26-2021, 09:37 AM
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I'm not happy with my concepts but at least I don't do drugs and commit Medicare fraud and miss helping out my bros in the Army.

Hindsight being 20/20.

Life is good if you can live it. Rather than chasing the moon. I guess chasing the moon and looking to become the blue fairy is what makes us human though.
  #148  
Old 03-26-2021, 08:14 PM
imperiouskitten imperiouskitten is offline
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Originally Posted by Yumyums Inmahtumtums [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]
Genuinely interesting thread. Married, CIS, born male, still male, largely very happy though I have my moments. Sorry for your struggles. I identify with almost none of your problems but I’m feeling a great deal of empathy for some quality I can’t put my finger on.

I have nothing of value to add other than I genuinely hope you find happiness and that life is fulfilling.this forum is full of garbage and shit people with bad opinions but for the first time in a while Im coming away from it (without real opinion mind you) with something to think about.

Imperiouskitten you have a great written inner monologue
Thanks yumyums, outside perspectives are very valuable especially to we who have been siloed off from the world. To be trans is as difficult a minority status to bear as any, maybe rougher than apartheid in its ways, as no matter where you go the monsters glare at you and you lack any peer group to commisserate with and your family is likely to eject you. It's why I feel we all have a duty to our fellow-trans to further the collective comfort with us and not to treat with or encourage Nazis (described by the other repliers as an immaturity, failure to accept others, but I disagree strongly).

I don't need any sorrow for my struggles though. I survived everything, even mourning the permanent loss of the use of both hands for 3 years, only to wind up both totally able-bodied and beautiful, hilariously with money in the bank, and a model for a husband, and much much greater empathy for people who are sidelined by circumstances beyond their control. Funny thing about trans discrimination, is it goes away if you're hot and gets replaced with privilege mostly.

It's the future girls, who may not survive similar struggles, who I cry for and who I implore my trans peers to stop being gaslighting psychopaths, or cucks submitting to nazis for social approval, for. Unfortunately the unwritten code of these people is to egg each other on anytime an episode of mental illness is looming. You can watch them do so like clockwork on this board. There is no love between them it is clear.

I pray these two embrace femininity and learn how appealingly girly and liberating it is to admit you are wrong and apologize instead of going whole-hog into delusional psychosis in defense of ego.

I am definitely not a rage-a-holic. It's why I am signing off from knowing Magnetaress after the hundredth episode of deliberate abuse. It's why I swore off knowing Cecily, to whom abuse and screaming functions as the meat of a relationship and also as a form of romance.

Close the book on your delusionality, Magnetaress. You have no business looking other women in the eye confidently, as you say. You have no respect for their claims of sexual assault, and you participate eagerly in their being creeped-on by men. You have no regard for the isolation of one in this community and when called-out reply with libertarian internet-boy nonsense. There is absolutely nothing nurturing about you -- as soon as you smell weakness you go Kathy Bates in Misery.

Delusional claims that you are not consistently motivated by hatefulness and sadism zoomed-in on Reaganite foci (as you bring up my employment status again lol, employment history being one of your chief measures of human worth) will not help you. We can see your many posts on this board. You are borderline neo-Nazi, obsessed with purges and violence and starving groups out of existence, and your political gibberish-brain comes up even in interpersonal arguments, so it very obviously needs to be addressed. Go reread my posts and help yourself. Stop "getting" help. Godspeed you, and sorry about the cardi b PM, but y'all definitely changed to targeting me specifically when it became obvious I would be dramatically prettier than you. Pretty girls suffer too. Not all privileges are realized and translated into lived experience. and I deserve to have some fun now and then too. So I take my leave reminding you both: ur fat and grizzled and have an entire incel ideology u get triggered about defending [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Last edited by imperiouskitten; 03-26-2021 at 08:37 PM..
  #149  
Old 03-26-2021, 08:19 PM
HalflingSpergand HalflingSpergand is offline
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Drugs supply replenished
  #150  
Old 03-26-2021, 08:38 PM
magnetaress magnetaress is offline
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Mostly cause you're gay, and 9ft tall. Enjoy your Medicare opiods.
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