Boomba the Big [nothing but the truth]

captnamazing · #1 10-01-2015, 12:22 AM

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Boomba the Big is little more than a patsy. He is the front man for an operation run by two very famous dark elves, Sirken E'Lanti and Rogean, who have quite a bit to do with the current affairs of Norrath. I learned their secret hand signals, and then snuck behind Boomba to learn the truth of his story, and what I found was far more horrifying than I could have anticipated.

"Hi Rogean," Boomba said stupidly, "I have more meat shipments for you."

"What [shipments]?" I asked.

I'll spare you the drivel that poured out of this dimwit's mouth. The facts are these:

1) Greengrocer was a lot more than your local boutique deli. He was a fucking hero, singlehandedly fighting the forces of greed and corruption. Greengrocer was Moregan, and Moregan knew the truth about the RMT pyramid that goes all the way up. To the very top.

2) Greengrocer collected vast amounts of plat, rivaling Platlord (AKA Rogean's EC alt). The grocer than sanctimoniously deleted the dirty plat, removing the primary currency used for RMT.

3) Once Grocer's foil was discovered, he was murdered. Banned. But the public needed a meat outlet, and so they installed Boomba. They put him near the East Commonlands so that players could come get their "meats" and feel like they were still immersed. But the fact is they had to stop Greengrocer from deleting millions upon millions of RMT plat - their bread and butter.

"I'll take some Dwarf Pickles," i told Boomba, just to make him think everything was cool.

"Sure!" Boomba cried, eager to please, "Rogean actually received CIA training during his 20s. That's how he is able to cover his tracks and keep from getting busted by the Daybreak Accountants."

"Go on," I encouraged, eating some Dwarf Pickles.

"The fact is, this server is more corrupt than North Korea. It's actually modeled closely after the Dictatorship society set in place by Kim Jong Il. First, you have your lionized leader (Rogean), who receives a mixture of adulation and accusation from the community. Of course, you'll notice that the ones who are calling out the edgy truth are quickly silenced and their names are drug through the mud. Any time one of their new officers (think Derubael, Moregan, Eunomia, Uthgaard, etc.) starts questioning the system, starts thinking more than they should, they get silenced. It's simple. It's machiavellian."

"So what about Redwjamz?" I asked.

Boomba grinned stupidly. "Redwjamz is just another example of the cyberbulling tactics employed by p99 Agents in order to Keep the Peace. Like in American culture, our government here has found it's easier to pacify the masses if we target a foreign enemy (namely the illusory RMT kingpins who are repeatedly "busted" but always find a way back). Redwjamz was close to the truth. Too close. But he was mentally unstable and couldn't bear the burden of what he saw in those millions of platinum that passed through his filthy paws. Well, he started calling out Rogean and Sirken and the staff, calling them what they are, no good lowlifes who suck the life out of drug addicts, cripples, and 30 year old virgins who invest their very essence into this box."

I opened another jar of pickles.

Boomba continued, "of course, the moment he gained some traction, p99 Agent Braknar banned him. They pegged it up to "coincidence." But the psychological damage was done. Redwjamz was shaking in his boots. Then Rogean and Sirken stepped in and buttered him up. They said Braknar made a mistake. THis is literally a fucking Machiavellian tactic, outlined in The Prince, where first you appoint a ruler of a city and order that he follows very cruel decrees, so that the populace hates him (redwjamz hating Braknar), and then you step in, execute the figure (the public execution of Braknar in his shame), and appoint your truly intended figurehead (Rogean and Sirken appearing on stream)."

"Interesting," I encouraged, "Tell me more about Moregan's role in all of this."

"I'm happy to tell you anything you want to know," Boomba said. A cyanide capsule then exploded in his mouth, and he died.

I could get no more information from this unfortunate ogre. May he forever Rest in Peace.

I am the demon lord Raktabija. Every drop of my blood you spill, every thread deleted or post destroyed, I will sprout from the ashes twofold.

Lune · #2 10-01-2015, 12:25 AM

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captnamazing · #3 10-01-2015, 12:34 AM

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Pokesan · #4 10-01-2015, 12:50 AM

Juche is the word
Juche is the word, is the word that you heard
It's got groove, it's got meaning
Juche is the time, is the place, is the motion
Juche is the way we are feeling

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Kekephee · #5 10-01-2015, 12:50 AM

I'll be honest, Filbert, I really can't stand behind this story if you're not even going to do Boomba's dialogue in an ogre voice. You really should have consulted me on this one

Quote:

Redwjamz just another eggs-dam-ple of da cyberbulling tactics employed by p99 Agents to Keep da Peace. Like in da American culture, our gubberment knows it easier to pacify masses if we target da foreign emeny (namely da illusory RMT kingpins who am repeatedly "busted" but always find da ways back).