Win a Fungi Tunic

[Fifield]

Originally Posted by Erati [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

you did an entire contest to get me to type out my poop story on server chat?

lmao bro, I was actually going to post something in the OP about your poop story but I didn't want to put you under the bus. There are already a few good ones I might need help deciding and might consult the Runningwolf.

This is great, keep them coming. If you think that I am joking when I say I won't give away a Fungi your crazy and just going to miss out if you don't post =D

To help any of you that are considering posting but are shy. I'll throw one out there so you don't feel so dumb.

Probably 16, at my gf's house at the time. Her parents got home so I quickly tuck my boner up in in my waistband because of course I have a boner, girl holds my hand at 16 its happening. I go talk to the parents when they get home not realizing that my shirt had come up and the tip of my penis is exposed out of my pants the entire time im talking to them.... They did not mention anything to this day but i know damn well they saw it.

[FatMice]

Ok with Fifield's tip story, I'll bite.

Early in high school, I overheard a group of guys talking about a video game that sounded interesting. We didn't know each other that well, but we chatted about the game for a bit. As they told me about Everquest I was interested and later that week, I purchased the game at Gamestop; those raised bumps on the box got me excited; what was to come? As I got home rushed to the computer, installed the game, I thought to myself "the load screen art work, the music, this is going to be amazing." Being of the hero mindset, I made a Human Paladin. I somehow found my way to rats outside of the West Freeport gates. After dying over and over to rats, guards, snakes, a gnome, and a fat ogre, I was hooked. The next day at school I ran to my new friend and told him how I died from a large rat! He laughed at me and walked away, but not before he invited me to Wizards of the Coast that Friday to play with him and his group of friends. Little did I know this friendship would grow into something much more.

Sephix, a Shaman on this server is the one to blame for my Everquest addiction. Throughout high school Sephix and I became very good friends. We would have sleep overs and play Everquest all night, stay late after school and mess about on the forums, or every Friday go to the mall and play Everquest at Wizards of the Coast. We would play whenever we could and often.

On one Friday afternoon before going to Wizards of the Coast, someone in our group friends, I don't know who, thinking like a true high school adolescence , thought it would be funny if we started flagging each other. It became a tradition.

For those who don't know what flagging is:
Flagging
(v) The act of pulling another person's pants down.
My brother got in-school suspension after flagging a girl in gym.

So here we are, group of guys, who are trying to pull each others pants down at any opportunity to embarrass each other. This went on for weeks. Sweatpants where never worn, short strings where tied very tight, if you didn't have a belt on with your jeans you where in trouble.

Well, on one unsuspecting Friday, a laundry day; I didn't have any underwear to wear. "We were going to Wizards of the Coast, to play Everquest all night; Fuck it!" I thought, "they aren't going to get me today, i'll make sure of it." As I was about to get onto the bus to head to the mall, in front of everyone, bus driver, the cute girl I had a crush on, the group of guys who I had become very close friends with, yanked my pants down to my ankles so quick I didn't know what hit me. There I was, trying to onto the bus with my pants around my ankles bare-ass for the world to see with everyone laughing.

Well we did eventually get to Wizards of the Coast and we did play Everquest all night, but it wasn't before a nickname haunted me throughout high school. I was known as Bo-Jangles, since my balls where jangling open to the fresh air for all to see.

For the record, I am still great friends with Sephix. We still play Everquest as often as we can together, but more importantly we still are amazing loyal friends. I am sure most of you log in to Everquest or P99 due to the friendships you have developed. I know it's why I do. Now please don't call me Bo-Jangles anymore and if you do, give me a Fungi first.

[Spyder73]

The year: 2007, My age: 23 years old, Living situation: 1 Bedroom apartment with girlfriend, Place I decide to masturbate that day: My moms house

I was still in college but had my own place and was still living in the Dallas/Ft Worth area (Went to UTA Arlington). My internet at the apartment goes down when I get home from school…we had just moved in so the whole place still didn’t really feel like “home” yet.

So I decide to go play video games and crank one out at my moms house since it’s only a few miles away. This is before the days of pornhub, so I was on a site where there were like small clips and you click on one and it basically takes you to another site that will stream the video for you.

Everything is going great and then the light flash on. Mom is apparently home from work at 3:30 for some reason. I fumble and stumble over myself trying everything I can to make it looks like I am not masturbating but it is all for naught. I can’t minimize the browser, my pants are undone and falling off, the entire situation caught me so off guard and I reacted about as badly as a person could.

So I say “you kind of caught me in an awkward situation here” trying to laugh things off. My mom says “your brother better not be able to look at this stuff”, I assure her that my brother will not be effected by what I’m doing. She proceeds to change the subject and starts talking to me about something for what seems like a g@d d@mn eternity before she finally takes one last look at the computer screen, shakes her head, and walks away.

I hang my head in shame, zip up properly, and turn to shut down the internet browser….OH…MY...GOD

Across the top of the screen in size 500 font reads “MONSTER C@CKS . COM” and the video (that has apparently been playing the entire time that I was turn talking to my mother) is that of a woman getting double teamed by 2 giant wieners.

I walked out the front door without saying goodbye and still have nightmares about this incident.

[KhanhDescending]

Until somewhat recently, airlines required you to turn off electronic devices once the airplane doors closed. Most everyone hated this rule, myself included. That rule has been lifted by most airlines now. Last year I really regretted that they did...

So there I was. Starting a business trip, getting ready to board an airplane. I must briefly explain that my wife likes to purchase music online, and it's stored in the cloud. I normally don't pay much attention. Except when I travel. Because when you've flown hundreds of times, it's extremely boring. My routine is I like to kick back and listen to music during the flight. So while waiting at the airport gate, I will always sync my smartphone to Amazon, and download the music she's bought. Then I have new tunes to listen to during the flight, which is awesome.

Ever heard of a group called "Straight No Chaser"? They cover other band's songs, but they sing it completely a capella. They're similar to Pentatonix. Anyhow, they're absolutely brilliant and I like their style. I notice my wife has downloaded their latest album. And I'm like "Sweet! This is going to be great to hear the newest songs!"

So fast forward I board the plane, the usual stuff. I'm in the aisle seat. No sense getting comfortable. Someone will almost certainly be sitting next to me, which means standing up and allowing them in. So I chill, read the airline magazine, whatever. But the airplane doors close, and wow...looks like no one next to me?! This flight is going to be so comfortable!

The captain makes an announcement, and the flight attendants begin giving the usual safety briefing.

At that moment, tiny data bytes finish travelling over the airwaves. My phone is done downloading the album. And decides to just play the music. Right here. Right now.

My earbuds are not on. They're in my backpack.

My phone begins blasting, at maximum volume, the first song from the download. Which happens to be a cover version of ... "Let It Go". The signature song from the Disney movie Frozen. Yeah. Of course. Turns out that's song #1 on the download.

And the flight attendant is midway through her safety briefing.

I instantly go into shock and panic, my face probably turning various shades of red. My phone is screaming out the perfectly covered lyrics. After I come to my senses, I immediately start jamming the volume button on my phone, to turn it down.

Nothing happens.

I freak out, and keep smashing the volume button. Nothing. I try to use the touchscreen to stop the song. Nothing! I try to do anything. Nothing happens!!! My phone is locked up, not responding, but blaring throughout the airplane a smooth and beautiful a capella version of "Let It Go" from Frozen. At 100 billion decibels. From my seat on the plane.

My earbuds are buried somewhere in my backpack. I don't know where. I don't think I can afford to rustle around and find them. Because everyone within 15 rows is staring at me. Remember, no one next to me in that window seat? They know *exactly* what complete idiot is rocking Disney music from his phone. On a plane on the ground. While the flight attendance is talking about oxygen and flotation devices. I'm not sure what my face looks like, but I'm sure it was completely amazing.

Volume not working, song not stopping, no headphones easily accessible, and phone locked up. Acting entirely on instinct, I do the only thing that comes to mind. I take my phone. And shove it under my ass. I sit on it just as hard as I can. Trying to muffle the sound. It's better! But not good enough. I crush down harder, gripping the phone firmly with my butt cheeks, in a desperate last-ditch effort to cease this nightmare.

It works. Mostly. I can still hear the music, but it's much quieter. *Maybe* the people in front of me can hear. But it's a temporary respite. The engines roar to life, which helps even more! I can finally think and see straight. Enough to consider whether the plane will land before the battery in my phone dies.

Meanwhile, reverberating through my colon and rectum. "Let It Go...Let It Go!" "Can't hold it back anymore!"

I'd better hold it back! I've got 1 hour until landing. After a while (which feels like hours) I deduce that if I'm very careful...I can slide a finger under my ass. Try to feel for the power button on my phone. Hold it down. And see if the phone will turn off. Please, please work.

I wiggle and squirm. The volume increases slightly as I try this ass-trick, but it WORKS!! The phone turns off! I'm so relieved.

And yet horribly, terribly embarrassed and ashamed. I pull my baseball cap over my eyes and pretend to sleep. But never do. I don't touch my phone, I don't grab my earbuds. I remain....well....Frozen. The plane eventually lands. I stay in my seat and feign sleep. I wait for everyone to get up and leave. And I'm the last one off the plane. As I exit, I pretend to be extremely preoccupied with my backpack and not look any flight attendants in the eye.

Ever since that day, I hook earbuds into my phone *before* entering any airport! The whole time. And they stay hooked in until I leave. Whether I'm listening to music and using my phone, or not. Because I know that phone gremlin is in there, waiting, hoping to embarrass me with another teen Disney anthem....

[Vareous]

When I was a kid my neighbours used to pay me 50 bucks to water their plants over the summer holidays while they went off to Bali for vacation for like a whole month.

They had a swimming pool that would be emptied every time they left. This pool wasn't your normal domestic style swimming pool that you see kids skate boarding in when empty either, it was basically a big ass rectangular prism in the ground, and it was deep as fuck too. It had a single big step up the front that was about a meter and a half from the bottom and the pool depth itself would have been at least 2 meters.

One year when I was around 14 or 15, I was over there doing my job and as I went past the empty pool I noticed a goanna (lizard) stuck in the bottom of the pool.

Now I grew up in a somewhat rural part of central Australia, temperatures during the summer got to around 40 degrees Celsius during the day, so stupidly without a thought I jumped down into the pool to try and rescue this goanna. I very quickly realised I wouldn't be able to get it out with my bare hands (cause I was being a pussy) and turned around to see if I could go find a towel or something to grab it with, only to discover I couldn't actually pull myself up onto the step to get back out of the pool.

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At first I was calm about it, and thought to myself this is fine, I can work my way out of this. After about an hour of not being able to pull myself out of this empty pool I started to panic. As I mentioned before I lived in rural Australia, the blocks of land everyone had in my neighbourhood were around 5 acres or more, so houses were not right next to each other. Anyway, thinking I was going to die in the bottom of this pool I started screaming my lungs off for help. After about 30min or so of that I was crying like a little girl while screaming for help.

Eventually not 1 but 6 different people from around the neighborhood (including one of my buddies, his mum and his sister) got there all around the same time to see me crying and screaming for help in the bottom of this pool like some big baby. Two of the guys pulled me out and I was so embarrassed and distraught that I couldn't stop sobbing and just kinda sat there in some sort of upright fetal position.

Anyway my mother got there shortly after I got pulled out of the pool and after making sure I was ok and thanking all the neighbours and whatnot she very cleverly got a ladder, went down into the pool and rescued the goanna with her bare hands mind you, while I sat there thinking about how much of a dickhead I must have looked like to all of my neighbours. I still cringe when I think about it to this day.

[NovaSeven]

I was sitting in my car at a gas station at 7am letting the tank fill up on a cold day, when this guy came up to my window. I shook my head "no", thinking that it was a beggar (lots of homeless people/people looking to beg gasoline at this location, especially early in the morning). He kept motioning to me so I rolled down my window. He told me my tire was very low on air, and when it looked it was very low, dangerously low. I felt guilty and thanked him. He was only trying to help me out.

[Droobie]

Working at a prison i see alot of weird and unusual shit. 2 Days before i leave to go to the academy while working (lets just say Dorm H). Im doing a random security check and witness to male inmates going at it (yea the old ground and pound). So as im looking through the glass trying to process this, i put my foot against the door and tell the inmates to stop. I get them together and seperate them, inmate 1 tells me he needs to make a phone call, im like uh no have a seat..... Hes like but i cant.... I tell him, hmm i wonder why. So i call my shift commander and tell him the story and i got 2 guys fucking up on the dorm. Hes like what? Im like i got 2 doods up here fucking sir. Hes like HUH? I told him i wasnt going to repeat it again. So after everythings done, paperwork and a few hours later im called to Majors office. Im thinking shit what did i do now maybe my paperwork is screwed up. But nope im greeted with a cake that says "Hump Guy"...... sigh i love my job.

[Sheek]

So I was about 19 years old. Having just met this beautiful girl through some friends we decided to go on a date.

We ending up at a restaurant, nothing too fancy. Infront of friends, i'll completely pig out, and get ribs, wings, whatever. However it's a date, I'm keeping it cool and ordering the salmon with rice.

Fast forward a couple of hours, the date is going fantastic. We are clicking on every level, not missing a beat. But then it hits me. My stomach starts to turn, and the pain kicks in. I'm thinking keep it cool, were at the finish line. After about another 20 minutes in, it hits me. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK, FUCK over and over again in my head, I have to use the restroom I tell her.

I'm sweating, rushing into the restroom BAM, empty. HELL YES i get into that stall and massive bombs start to go off. It's getting wild. someone walks into the restroom, I don't give a fuck at this point. I've held it in for long enough, and it's some of the most absurd sounds you have ever heard with a stink that is unmatched.

I walk out of the stall and as I'm washing my hands I notice a tampon machine on the wall. Instantly I'm like oh shit. I look up into the mirror and notice a stall door open with this woman whom I've been on a date with. She was literally speechless. Only thing just muttered was "uhhh". I left the restroom, found our waitress to pay the tab and left. Not even sure if she went back to the table or left.

Our mutual friends never brought her up again. No way she could not tell that story. It was terrible.

[Jdoggnelson]

When I was a younger man probably mid teens I lived at home with my parents and two siblings. My brother is a year younger than me and my little sister is seven years younger than me. Now let me preface this by saying that every teenage boy looks at porn, but back in 1998 we didn't have the luxury of having smart phones and we had to get our rocks off the old fashioned way.... in front of a computer. This PC however, just happened to be the family home computer.

I was knowledgeable as far as closing all the windows out and clearing the browser history... deleting cookies and what not, so I though I was pretty slick. Everyone would go to bed and I would sneak off and surf all the wonders of the world wide web. Besides all the porno mags I stole from my uncle were from the 80's anyways. The women were a bit unkempt. This new exploration of topical p0rn0 was a renaissance for a teenage boy.

One Saturday morning I was awoke to my father busting my bedroom door open, flicking on the light, and snatching the blankets off my unconscious body all while screaming to get the F*** OUT OF BED! Confused and basically sleep walking he marched me upstairs and into the area of our house where we kept said computer. As I approached the family room I noticed my mother, sister, and brother were all standing there looking at me with disgust. I had a suspicion as to why I was in trouble, but extremely confused as to how I got caught [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

I glanced at the computer as the lecture started regarding inappropriate material and noticed a tiny window with a nude lady reading STOP NOW: CLICK THIS LINK. Realizing that a pop up window must have appeared unbeknownst to me the night before, I began to curse technology. To make matters worse my young sister was the first to get on the computer that morning to play one of her games and found the naked lady pop up [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.] I was dying a thousand deaths at the shame and anger of my mother and father reaming me out on top of the fact that my sister knew I was a perv. Even my uncle told me I was a creep a week later. Worst embarrassment of my life no doubt

[Jotei]

A couple of months ago near the end of my stay at the City of Mist I was recreating with a a talented group of adventurers (all new faces but for one dashing little halfman) in the equestrian district. Our party was really no more than a matter of accident, a series of chance encounters following the Great Blackout 7 weeks ago. But we were wildly efficient and I was thoroughly enjoying myself.

Since the aforementioned halfman - a very courageous little guy - was zealously guarding the attention of interlopers through most of our encounters I was afforded the rare opportunity to let down my guard. I let myself go and dove head first into a stash of homey mead that I had brought with me to the City, but had thus far left entirely untouched.

Things were going splendidly. I was having a swell time. There really is nothing like trying to navigate the retarding haze of inebriation back to the safety of your room and waiting companions while being hostilely pursued.

Anyway, things were going great and everyone was enjoying the experience. Then it happened. We had just finished off a quick encounter with a couple aggressive locals when out of nowhere - striking from the shadows - someone pulls my pants down. Normally, this wouldn't have bothered me much. Anyone who knows me knows I am pretty open and not easily embarrassed. A warrior can ill afford the luxury of modesty. Under ordinary circumstances is have simply reproached my assailant and their mischief with the brawn of by sticks, but this time disaster struck!

Like a fish at sea, I floated contentedly in my blissful inebriation entirely unaware of what had happened until I moved to search out more souls to free. My lovely Wu's pants clung tightly above my knees disabling me more effectively than a Druid snare. The next fraction of a second felt like an eternity as fell forward fumbling in my drunkenness to free myself of the snare - still unaware of what had happened. Needless to say my descent was indifferent to the fact that my hands were occupied and I had no way of catching myself as I fell forward.

I dropped to my knees to mitigate the momentum, but still landed squarely on my forehead, my bare ass in the air with my hands clutching my pants. I remained like that in a stupor for several brief moments before a gentle breeze alerted me of my situation. I dropped to my side and floundered on the smoldering shores of despair desperately seeking return to the soothing waters of inebriated bliss for Quelliois knows how long, struggling to wrest the snug band of my fine silk pants up past my delightfully rotund derrière.

The alcohol quickly quelled any anxiety I had suffered and after a short spate of expletives into the shadows, I returned to my business of pulling. My assailant never revealed themself, though having struck so efficiently from the shadows their can be no doubt of their profession.

It wasn't until the next morning, once the stale world of sobriety had reclaimed me that I was truly embarrassed. I had a large red mark running the down the length of my forehead from where I had bit the ground and apparently skidded a couple of inches. That damned mark remained for the better part of two weeks and was reluctant to hide behind bangs or concealer or anything no matter how hard I tried!