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#1
10-21-2018, 02:39 AM
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An apology to everyone "playing" project1999
At first I actually had rants and flames and shit I wanted to get off my chest and soon after I fed off the attention and started making nonsensical posts just for that attention addiction that you all gave me not knowing it would corrupt me for months afterwards.
Soon afterwards I started noticing other forum names and personalities and such and kinda saw them as a threat to my attention but for so long I did not think much of it and moved on to make more attention seeking threads. But awhile back Lulz got banned, and then banned again, and then unbanned and then that weird feeling flared up inside of me about the daily/weekly "me and yours" thread popped up again and mid-writing my reply to them it was then I realized that what I was doing to you all. Writing random shit for attention because you (more or less) a big thing in my life and I got addicted to your attention you gave me, negative or not. After realizing I was going to complain about something that I thirsted for in the past I realize at how wrong I was then, not knowing how bad it was now. And for that I am sorry. If I remember this after I wake up and sober I will at the very least try to not be an attention seeking cunt. Remember the word, try. | ||
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#2
10-21-2018, 02:42 AM
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While redundant, I apologize for treating Rants and Flames as 4chan's /b/. Posting "off-topic" posts here just because I had that weird feeling of more freedom here, than there but at the same time both being almost the same thing with peppered in in-game stuff once in a few months.
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#4
10-21-2018, 02:54 AM
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Then again there is always that weird feeling of belonging that other people got addicted to that drives them to keep posting here long after they last logged into p99.
The idea of never growing up or letting go that paralyzes us with fear of moving on. I tried to fool myself with making alt after alt that p99 was something that I wanted to do and not something that I needed. But needed all along, not the server, but the loose community that was built around it. btw im watching Samurai Jack on Toonami while taking my 25 or so years of typing experience with my index and middle fingers and slightly glacing at my PC for those red auto correct quiggly lines as those furry creatures from episode 3 fight for their freedom from the little blue faggots with electrical spears to auto correct later. I had a point but I blew my load in the OP. P99 grew past of what we wanted (the classic experience) but something that we needed. A place to be for awhile. And that while spanned nine fucking years. Every single one of us who currently play, new, or account 5 old play. Is just a place to be. But never forget that myself, Lulz, Cecily, and maybe the mods need you more than you need us. Wow this is the first time my drunk posts include semi-personal attacks. But what does it mean when I realize I am part of the problem? Why do I still play? Jauna is till 59 and just kinda there meanwhile my army of alts are 60, with epics and still hidden because I knew back then while I am full of myself I automatically protect myself by not being a fag and including my alts in a sig I never made there was a point but I forgot. God damnit I wish I can go back in time 5 years and tell myself to let that petition go and stay away from the forums because this type of self forum destrucion is not the first time this happened but do it anyways because thats how things go and wait now im just rambling like my old posts which defeats the purpose of the OP and making me more of a fag than I was trying to attone what I was going t try People really dont change afterall. | ||
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#8
10-21-2018, 03:06 AM
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Sorry for the personal attack, Boboboooobobobo. But I kinda got elbowed into donating blood today and forgot that not drinking was a rule and did it because lol memory and they gave me a jaw breaker because sugar and my tongue is raw and kinda bleeding a few hours ago before screwdrivers and now that i type this i think getting banned is the only release is the self destructive nature that most forum personalities crave but not know but fight to preserve after they get banned to unban themselves to not protect themselves but to defend themselves from the failure that they really are from themselves.
Do you think future space colonys have breeding colonies because in this episode of samurai jack there is one female for the 6 or 7 females. | ||
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#9
10-21-2018, 03:16 AM
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No.
I came to my realization on my own and these threads will reinforce current "shit posters" to keep on doing what they are doing because I made them feel like that did bad all these years pressuring them into forcing themselves to make their own threads and posts to further bury the feelings I felt. If a mod is around and feeling merciful to the health of these forums in the long run, please delete this thread before they read it. | ||
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#10
10-21-2018, 03:27 AM
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Wait the last post makes it seem that I am trying to force a point on them that I came to realize myself that they should realize for themselves along the lines that I realized.
If a mod is around and feeling pitiful delete this and the last post wait what the fuck this is a never ending cycle of posts and that I should end now but cant because alcohol. Maybe getting banned is my only way out of this and me and the other guy only knows of these posts but he probably did not have the foresight to take screenshots and I have the one and only chance to end this never ending cycle of self loathing and atonement which i wanted in the first place by uttering a phrase that i cannot go back from? the lake of self reflection is not what i want and i need to dive into that not knowing that i am the reflection to combat what i really am and i need to dive deep to release myself uttering the phrase skcus nilbog | ||
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