Sk8er gnome

[Elleve]

I happen to have the old Sk8er Gnome stories lying on my harddrive... I could post them here if anyone is interested in reading them again?

[Ropethunder]

It would help if you explained what the old Sk8er Gnome stories are? For those of us who don't know.

[Elleve]

Sk8er gnome is a series of stories written by a player about his (rather silly)adventures in EQ. It was originally posted on the castersrealm website.

[Rhalous]

I think some ppl have re-posted a few of the stories, but I say go ahead and do it!

[Ethanblack]

Originally Posted by Elleve [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

Sk8er gnome is a series of stories written by a player about his (rather silly)adventures in EQ. It was originally posted on the castersrealm website.

They're certainly worth the read. Old school chuckles to be had.

Fpr now, I present 'WASAAD', Good for a chuckle

I was invisible and running through the Karanas one day when I noticed a young gnome near the gypsy camp. He was fighting a lion and though it looked like he would win the battle, being a fellow gnome, I decided to help the guy out.

I targeted the lion, clicked on my mesmerize spell, then *started* to type: "I'm mesmerizing the lion for you." I got as far as: "I'm " when I remembered that I had replaced my mesmerize spell with an Area of Effect mesmerize spell... and that I was standing next to an NPC enchantress. Gulp.

My movement keys are mapped to "w a s d" so I frantically stabbed at my keyboard, trying to MOVE and interrupt the spell.

I forgot that I was in typing mode.

The gypsy enchantress didn't like my attempt to mezz her so she promptly charmed me and made me go after the gnome I had been trying to *save*. I watched in horror as my peace-loving character, knife flailing like a crazed sushi chef, chased the little guy down and stabbed him to death.

I found my victim later and apologized profusely... I even gave him a nice weapon and a piece of armor. He was great about it, and laughed when I told him what happened.

He said he didn't know WHAT was going on. One minute he was fighting a lion, the next minute a strange gnome appeared out of NOWHERE, announced: "I'm wwwaaaddd", then sliced him up like Freddy Krueger.

[Volga]

I would LOVE it if you'd post those.. They were effin hilarious

[FatMagic]

Doh! All of our old posts with links to Skater Gnome are down!

Repost them all, or put them up on the Wiki!

http://moestaverne.com/p1999wiki/index.php/Main_Page

[Kainzo]

MY BIG ADVENTURE, by Skater Gnome

August 6, 2002

ok i get home last night, right, and i turn on the monitor and
i guess what i see? my brothers account is at the character
selection screen, hehe.
so im very tempted to log his 60 enhcanter on but he said to
never ever play it, but that was BEFORE i leart everything
about eq with my 5 monk.

so im thinking about it and i decided to eat some ice cream.
so im eating ice cream and looking at the enchanter and eating
more ice cream and finally i push the ice cream aside and log
in Tyru (named changed duh)the enchanter

anyways im fealing reely tough and looking around but i dont
recognize where i am and thats wierd cause ive been in all 8
of the zones already with my monk

well then i get this tell

Rathmus tells you 'are you coming dragon nec with us?'

so i tell him 'which one?' cuase i dont know which dragon he
means

Rathmus tells you 'what..?'

i tell him 'which dragon duh'

and then theres this long pause and he says 'ummm, dragon
necropolis... the guild raid tonight. we're kill zoolander'

ROFL a bad guy named zoolander!!

so i tell him 'hahaha dude u r funny there is no mob named
zoolander, haha, haha.'

so then he says 'Tyru are you ok?'

so i say 'no dude im peeing my pants cause u r a funny guy'

so then there is this long pause again and he says 'just read
the motd and get out to WW asap'

WTF??!!

so im like 'omg dude, speak freakin enlgish wtf'

so i see in guild chat that a wizard is giving away pickups at
gbp.

well this i just HAVE to see. a pickup in eq, haha.

so i say to the guild 'where the hell is gbp??!!

and the wizard is like 'if you cant even remember that, you
should just click gate and find out'

so i gate and im in the dwarf snow town of whatever and there
is the wizard with a bunch of other ppl from the same clan.

so i say 'dude i want a pickup plz, a red one, or green and is
it faster than horses??'

so the wizard invites me and then before i could get a pickup
somehow i gated again!!

WTF, stupid enchanters, jezz.

anyways were all in colebelts scars again (where my 60 EQ2
monk is parked, if the dumb guy will ever give him to me) and
we all start running for like FOREVER. and we keep going and
going and going. so i say screw this im getting mor ice cream.
so i get some more ice cream and i turn on the tv and full
house is a reely stupid show btw.

so anyway i go back to the computer and i see im in the snow
dworf city again!!!

WTF stupid random gating crap hell is this??!!

so Rathmus tells me 'consent me'

and im like 'WTF??'

and he says 'consent me we're all waiting on you'

so im like 'waiting on me for what?'

and he doesn't answer and then he says 'consent me now'

so i say 'how?'

and he tells me.

anyway, i get this box offering me FREE EXP (prolly cause i
flirted with GM LONI yesterday) so i click it of course, my
brother will be so happy! but wouldn't you know it, that damn
enchanter gates again!!

so now im outside with everyone again and i see this corpse
with the same name as me, but im used to verants bugs now, so
i loot it.

then Rathmus says 'Buff here and when your group is buffed,
zone in. send tells now.'

so suddelny like 10 ppl send me a tell saying 'SoS'

OMG!! they must be in trouble, right

so i run over there to them and im yelling 'ill save you!' but
i dont see whats hurting them so bad that they have to say SOS
to me for. in fact they looked ok.

so now im getting like A HUNDRED TELLS saying 'sos plz'
or 'kei'.

WTF?!?

so im like 'dudes i dont speak french or whatever'

anyway we finally zone in and this big orge is running off and
suddenly THE SKELATON DRAGON APPEARS AND STARTS TO ATTACK HIM!

so i run out there and start hitting it, and hes a big sissy
cause hes running back toward the group. then it dawns on me
why everyone was saying 'sos'.

so im getting hurt real bad but then the whole group finally
comes out to fight it, those scaredy cats, and i say 'haha you
guys are scared sissys'

and the dragon dies and i jump up to get more ice cream and
THERES MY BROTHER STANDING BEHIND ME!

uh oh.

so his face is all red and his eyes are all big and hes
looking at me

so im like 'dude chill i just killed a dragon for you'

so he grabs me and puts me in a chair and grabs some duct tape
and wraps it all around me!! how ingrateful can you get!?!?

so i'm trying to tell him about the free 96% exp that the GM
gave him, but he wont listens he just keeps taping me

WTF??

so hes done taping me and he rolls me outside on the porch and
locks the door. so people are so unthankful.

anyway all in all it wasnt to bad, cause after an hour or so
he threw some icecream out the window and i was able to tip
the chair over and eat some while i waiting for him to cool
down and untape me.

i guess the lesson i learned is to nextime take MY monk to
kill the dragon and not my brother randomly-gating enchanter.
jezz.

hilarious

[Kainzo]

2nd

HOW IT ALL WORKS OUT IN THE END, by Skater Gnome

August 6, 2002

ok so eq2 is coming out now eh?
WTF??

what about all the hard work ive put into my characters?? is
it all going down the tolet??

well im not going to let that happen so a few hours ago i
logged onto eq

'selling reel good lvl 5 monk for USA dollars, send tell' i
start auctioning

im not going to let verant screw me. hell i have over ONE DAYS
PLAYED ON MY ACCOUNT!!

well i keep auctioning for awhile, and then this hot darkelf
chick walks up to me

GM LONI tells you 'hi skaterr. i wanted to remind you that
selling your account is against the EULA and is a bannable
action'

so i reply 'loni dude this is some damn hell crap. u r
scerwing us all with eq2 all my time on eq1 is worthless'

GM LONI tells you 'skaterr, eq1 is not going anywhere for a
long long time'

so then i get this idea cause i like to think outside the box
and stuff.

so i tell GM LONI 'hey hotcakes, r u going 2 be a gm on eq2???
cause if you are how about i give you like 20 platz and you
can pl me on eq2 or give me cool stuff'

GM LONI tells you 'it doesn't work that way skaterr. and im
not going to be a gm on eq2 that i know of'

well i figure she HAS to say that or she gets fired.

so i told her 'i know you cant say anything. shhhhhh. i wont
tell or anything, but just poke me twice if you will do it i
can keep a secret and your hot'

so she says 'consider this a warning skaterr. please re-read
the eula.'

so i tell her 'does that mean youll do it sweetcheeks??'

you know you have to flirt with these girl if you need
something they like that.

so i figure if i cant sell my account i may as well buy an eq2
accout

so i start auvtioning 'WTB EQ2 lvl60 MONK SEND TELL I HAVE 26
PLAT'

and this keeps going and i get a tell from a wizard named
savat.

savat tells you 'i have a level 60 monk on eq2 that i will
give you'

so i tell him 'really dude how much u are cool, haha'

savat tells you 'hes free. hes in a different zone right now i
can take you ther if you want'

so i tell him 'dude no i want and EQ2 monk not an EQ1 monk duh'

savat tells you 'no no this monk can play on both eq1 and eq2.
he can be played on both games. it costs extra to do that but
i already paid it'

what a deal, right?!?!

so i tell him 'dude lets go you are cool!'

so we group up and he gates me to Colebelts Scars zone and
then and then he goes linkdead.

so im waiting and waiting and he wont come back and then do
a /who all savat and i see hes in north freeport again!!

WTF??

so i tell him 'dude omg wtf??!! im waiting in Colebelt Scars!!'

and he says 'hold on im getting the monk but i have to keep it
a secret or the gm's will find out. just fight some wyrvens
while you wait.'

so i was scared cause its a new zone but hey, im level 5 now
so i dont think many things can hurt me

but just then i had to log cause it was time to go skating but
i just wanted to say..

dude eq2 will rock with my lvl 60 monk and if anyone wants me
to pl them, just send me a tell on eq2. savat told me the
monks name was joo suxors, which i thought was a pretty dumb
name but hey, i didn't choose it.

[Kainzo]

3rd

BRAVE BRAVE ME, by Skater Gnome

August 6, 2002

well i did it again. i ran over to commons west side (the
scary side) to try to hunt some things
anyway im running around getting losk and i see this guy named
dervish walking slow

so i run up to him and hail him and he ignores me but im used
to that here in commons west. so he keeps walking an i keep
hailing him but still getting ignored

so im like 'dude i was going to help you and tell you how to
turn on run so you can get
places faster but now i wont, haha'

and he STILL ignores me.

so i say 'dude you think your tough but i fought 4 lvl 59s
yesterday and lived'

well now im mad cause hes ignoring me and keeps walking but i
see hes wearing no gear and im going to teach him a lesson

so i attack him and i cant hit him that hard but he sure is
beating me up fast and suddenly like 10 of his friends all run
out to help him

but check this out. suddenly i see their exploiting cause ALL
OF THEM ARE NAEMED THE SAME THING

so im shouting 'dervish your a cheater you expoiter!!'

and now im almost dead and suddenly im at full health and i
turn around and its this elf guy behind me and he says 'need
some help?'

finally someones talking to me so i tell him that he can run
faster by clicking the "WALK" button at the bottom of the
screen.

and hes like 'huh?'

and i said 'i tried to tell dervish but that punk wouldn't
listen'

well wouldnt you believe it the elf guy starts to do speels on
me too, just like the meen ppl from yesterday

and elfguy says 'you better run'

and i say 'im not scared of you'

and he says 'huh?'

and i say 'im a lvl 5 monk, haha, whats up now? YOU better run'

and he just stands there

and then he says 'n00b' and leaves.

and i shout at him WTF is a n00b im a MONK ARE YOU DEAF!!>??

and this dervish guys is beating me up bad now that elf guy
left so i run and and im faster and dervish is following me
with his band of cheaters. well i see another group killing
some stuff, so i run over there and say 'hey wanna help me
kill some exploiters?'

and then dervish run up to me with his dirty no good friends
and kills me quick

so i died come back in freeport east and suddenly im getting
all these tells

sakan tells you 'dude thanks for the train, n00b'

OMG WTF???

so im like 'sakan wtf are you dumb this is fantasy, no trains
in EQ'

then..

critol tells me 'you are a total n00b dude'

WTF??

so now im wondering if n00b is like a nice name for a monk, or
something cause i hear it alot.

anyway im staying awayt frum common west side forever unless
nicer people play there

laterz