Life doesn't feel the same

[dennardscott86]

I recently lost my son who passed due to a lung disease and I'm trying to find ways to cope. I just cant find a way to calm down inside and I know it wasn't my fault but I feel like I shouldn't have outlive my own son. He was only 5 years old!! He had just started and there was sooo much I was gonna teach him and show him and now he is just gone. Family and friends keep asking me if I'm ok and I smile but really I'm screaming and crying and yelling and I want to hurt someone like I hurt but what would that solve so I say "I'm still here so far" but I don't know how long i'll be here. I don't want to be here but I need to be strong for my wife so I try to continue on like nothing has change but really everything has. I always complained about him running to tell me about the show he is watching DURING the show just to tell me about a scene. I told him "Tell me After it goes to commercial so you don't miss anything".....I'll never hear his voice again.......I'll never hear his voice again