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#21
04-20-2016, 11:08 AM
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When my girlfriend and I first started dating (still dating 7 years later), I was staying over at her house one night when disaster struck. Me and the current GF had been dating for maybe a month or two, but my ex-girlfriend was at the wedding also and the whole thing was weird so I was drinking pretty heavily. Long story short I go back to the current GF’s house and pass out in my underwear in her bed.
Maybe around 3 or 4 in the morning I start to stir a little and I am shifting positions in bed when I fart…my eyes immediately pop WIDE OPEN. I reach my hand back in my underwear and realize I am in a worst case scenario situation (thank the lord I wasn’t naked). I look at my hand and only what can be described as black flith is coated on my fingers. So I calmly roll out of bed, do a quick inspect of the sheets to make sure I didn’t spill any human feces from my underwear, and I waddle over to her restroom…As I am using the bathroom I kind of laugh at myself and think “wow that was a close one”….SHE HAS NO F#CKING TOILET PAPER. I am freaking out at this point and still have sh!t all over my hand. I end up using my underpants and a hand towel to clean up my situation. But now I have 2 pieces of cloth covered in sh!t that I can’t flush. I decide I need to go downstairs and bury the evidence in the kitchen garbage can. The next morning she asks what I was doing creeping naked into her kitchen in the middle of the night and I make something up….she goes into her restroom and asks where her grandmothers hand towel is at…the jig is up and I tell her of great shame and she laughs and still make fun of me about it 7 years later EDIT: I am just sharing, don't want in contest...although i could use a fungi... | ||
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Last edited by Spyder73; 04-20-2016 at 11:14 AM..
Reason: Don't want Fungi
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#22
04-20-2016, 11:09 AM
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Quote:
__________________
Previous Guilds: The A-Team <- Rapture <- Flawless Victory
Zanderr Locke - 60 Punk Rock Bard | Minnesota Nice - Monk | Squaresoft Chocobo - Shaman | Bowbafett | Supermetroid | Weaponx Power Leveling Service | OT Hammers | Quillmane Quide  | |||
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#25
04-20-2016, 11:13 AM
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This is kinda funny...
After years of playing EQ I was driving to work and saw a cop on the side of the road. My wife was about 5 minutes behind me heading to work as well. I called her to let her know that she needs to "slow down a cop is camping spawns". | ||
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#26
04-20-2016, 11:22 AM
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This is pretty cool, lemme give it a go.
So we all go through the "playing with fire" phase as a kid, right? Not just me? So when I was younger, I did in fact have this issue. It all began at my grandmother's house, her fireplace in fact, she asked me to go start a fire up. It was EZ-lite logs and paper. Woosh! Flame on! Obsession on! After starting that fire, I figured I would hold onto that lighter just in case she needed me to start another one... Riiiight. So I go home later and immediately go to my room and look for things to burn. But where am I going to burn things? I can't do it in here, there is a smoke detector. My room opened up to our deck in the back yard so I figured if I was quiet enough opening the door, no big deal! So I grab an empty peanut canister that held random junk in it and went out and filled it with random flamable materials and lit it up! Woosh! So awesome. I continued with this tradition for about a month or so with only a couple of close calls. Questions of smelling something burning and such. "Nah, I don't smell anything." They would never find my burning can either, it was hidden in my closet amongst some baseball card boxes. No worries! So at this point it's getting pretty bad, I couldn't not burn stuff. Im getting braver and taking my burn can to my grandma's house where I spend a bunch of time. I found a hiding spot for my burn can there too. Under the guest bed tucked in the frame. I'm a genius! So at my grandma's house I decide, screw the can, I'm outside, let's find something. I'm on her deck looking for targets. Target acquired! Dried plants that my grandma has for decoration. I'll just burn one of those little pieces! WRONG! The damn thing went up in a huge flash of light and not only was it quick but the whole bush! But most unsettling was the fact that not only was the dried plant in fire, but the wall of her house! I'm scrambling! Water! Water! I need water! I found her plant watering pitcher and quickly went to the hose, filled it up and started dousing the flames. I made about 3 or 4 of these trips. Completely terrified of course. I got the fire out. Nobody came out. No alarms. Nothing. Phew. So I go inside, grab a glass of water and sit down trying to think of how to explain the burn marks going up the side of grandma's house. But before I can think of anyhing my mom shows up and asks how I'm doing. "Fine" I said. She comes up to me, grabs my face with eyes huuuuge enough to see through me. "What happened to your eyebrows?!?!?!" What? My eyebrows?? What do you mean my eye......... Ohhhhh shit. "You smell like smoke" "What were you doing outside" "Come outside!" "What the f#!$ did you do?" Busted. The worst part is I tried to lie about it, thought it was working too. Even with my singed off eyebrows! But then they found my burn can... So yeah, no eyebrows, burn can in hand, scorched wall, I was done. Aside from the lecture, I got my ass whooped. Then made to do 2000 sentences. "I will not play with or start fires." Plus they thought I needed Jesus and made me go to church. Pretty funny in hindsight. Glad I didn't burn down grandma's house though! However, whenever I go camping I always have the same thought when I go to make the camp fire... I will not play with or start fires. | ||
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