FINAL - The Lost Adventures of Filbus Firyfoot and Tekilya Wu'Tang

[Spyder73]

*******************FINAL DRAFT & OFFICAL CANNON OF PROJECT 1999************************

ORIGIN STORY OF Filbus Furyfoot <BDA> and Tekilya Wu’Tang <Asgard>





The Lost Adventures of Filbus Furyfoot and Tekilya Wu’Tang Part 1 – “Humble Beginnings”





The Wheel of Time turns, and ages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legends fade to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Age that gave it birth comes again. In one Age, called the third age by some, an Age yet to come, an age long passed, a wind rose in the Misty Thicket. This wind was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings or endings to the turning of the Wheel of Time. But it was *a* beginning. There once was a warrior named Filbus Furyfoot. He was not the strongest, cleverest, nor best looking of warriors. In fact he was quite homely and considered an outcast by most. While growing up in the Misty Thicket, Filbus was routinely kicked and beaten by the other Halflings due to his small stature (even by Hafling standards). The adults seemed to turn a blind eye to the torment of young Filbus. Girls would mock him for his horrendous looks, boys would beat him unconscious, and all the entire village would chuckle in the background while drinking mead around the fire. To Filbus, the world was a simple and disturbing place – wake up alone, eat at school alone, get beaten at recess, and then run home to the sound of laughter as kids threw rocks at him. Some of the more nasty children started to call him “Fail-bus Furycrotch” after a rumor started that Filbus had visited a local cleric because it burned when he would pee.



As the years went on the abuse grew harsher, and young Filbus decided he had had enough. Packing up his meager belongings, Filbus set out into the great wide open in search of the the city of dreams – The City of Qeynos. The road to Qeynos was not an easy one. Almost as soon as his journey began, Filbus was robbed by bandits while traveling in the Northern Karanas. After months of travel and countless unspeakable deeds, the bandits sold Filbus to a slave trader who was on his way to, of all places, Qeynos! The corrupt guards would not let Filbus into the city at first. Only free citizens were allowed in the city proper. He was told that he would either free himself from slavery via combat, or he would die in the sands of the arena. Forced to fight other orphans in what the locals called “Bum Fights”, Filbus could not catch a break and was beaten in his first 4 duels. It was not until he defeated another orphan child by the name of Detoxx that he was finally allowed into the city, but that tail is for another time.



Having no money or friends, Filbus quickly found himself living at a local tavern under the thumb of a sickly Bard name Kekephee. Kekephee would keep him doped up on Rustle Leaf and make Filbus dance every night for the older men as they smoked their pipes and stroked their beards (among other things). One night during a Rustle Leaf induced haze, Filbus had a moment of clarity. He picked his pants up from around his ankles and ran for the hills. Kekephee squirmed with rage as Filbus ran, but in the end the warrior got away.



The winds of fate and unknowable and unfathomable to the mortal mind, but in the Qeynos Hills, young Filbus would be blown into someone who he would help change the world with - Tekilya Wu’Tang. Tekilya was battling the gnolls of Black Burrow in order to get his orange headband when he heard what he thought was a woman’s scream. As Tekilya turned to investigate the scene, he saw a cowering male Halfing being dragged inside Black Burrow by a group of Gnolls. Master Wu had expressly forbidden Tekliya from entering the Den until he had completed his training, but Tekilya was a man of action. Like a demon of unbridled rage he burst into the den, round house kicking Gnolls left and right in a fury of fists and feet. Filbus looked up through blackened eyes, and with his last breath before he fell unconscious, he whispered as quiet as the wind, “Thank you monk, let me cuck for you”. And with that, darkness took Filbus Furyfoots thoughts.



Filbus could not tell you how much time passed then, but when he awakened, he was in the Temple of The Whislting Fist. Master Wu was standing over him, puffing on his pipe, staring at Filbus with his ever critical eye. Tekilya was running laps in the garden as punishment, his muscles glistening in the summer air. As was usual, the balcony was filled with ladies of all ages who had come to watch the young monk train, such was an everyday ritual among the ladies of Qeynos. Master Wu dispersed the crowd and called out to Tekilya that his punishment was over as Filbus, for the first time in days, started to come back to life. Filbus, not knowing where he was or what had happened, started to undress with bashful eyes under the hard gaze of Master Wu. Quick as lightning Wu cracked Filbus over the head with his staff, and darkness again took the warrior. Master Wu and Tekilya Wu’Tang spent the next 7 days building Furyfoot back into a man, nursing him back to life both mentally and physically. Then on the 8th day, Master Wu received a letter that would change both Filbus and Tekilya’s destiny forever….





The Lost Adventures of Filbus Furyfoot and Tekilya Wu’Tang Part 2 – “The Dark Monk Rises”





Tekilya sat awake in bed staring at the ceiling. He glanced over at the two High Elf girls in his bed and could not help but smile to himself. But as Master Wu had taught him, pleasures of the flesh were a weakness that he could not afford for much longer. Gathering his composure and putting on his robe, Tekliya decided to go for a moonlit walk to the water gardens to clear his mind. As he walked the grounds, he heard a sniffling sound from behind the mule shed. Curious, Tekilya walked around to the back of the building and found Filbus sitting on the ground crying. This was not an unusual sight in the Temple of the Whistling Fist. Ever since Tekliya had freed Filbus from Black Burrow, the warrior had been haunted by night terrors. He would wake up screaming “KE-KE-KE-KEPHEEEEEE NOOOOOOOO” and go into uncontrollable spasms. Master Wu said it was only Rustle Leaf withdraws, but Tekilya could see a deeper pain behind the eyes of the Halfling. There was a story there, but this was not the time nor the place to prod.



The next day Filbus sat in the garden with the ladies of Qeynos to watch Tekilya train (as he always did). It had become clear to anyone who watched the pair that the warrior had developed an unyielding admiration for the monk. Tekilya, being a man of wisdom and kindness, had befriended Filbus in an attempt to lift the Halflings spirits and clear the haunted look from his eyes. But today was a special day, it was the last day of training in Qeynos. Earlier in the week Master Wu had told the pair that he had received Tekilya’s letter of acceptance into the Ashen Order. A trip to Freeport would be necessary to continue training. As Wu was explaining the trials of Befallen, Tekilya looked over and saw the heartbreak in Filbus’s eyes, and he knew right then that he could not leave the little guy; for Tekilya was a kind and empathetic soul, a trait that would ultimately lead to a dark betrayal…but that is for later.



As the two said their goodbyes and gathered for the trip to the wizard spires, Filbus wiped the snot from his nose and stared up at Master Wu with childlike eyes. Wu snorted in contempt and walked away from the pair without even a wave – a tough Master indeed.



Meanwhile in Qeynos…



Standing in the shadows, Kekephee wiped the grease from his forehead as he rocked back and forth. That was him alright, the little sh!t Halfling that had escaped from the tavern. Since that time sales had taken a nose dive and Kekephee was in deep with the Corrupt Qeynos Guards for gambling debts. Yes…that was him, Kekephees ticket out of debt – Filbus Furyfoot. Kekephee grinned as he turned on bard speed and set out for the Karanas…



It was dusk when Tekilya and Filbus adventurers arrived at a gypsy Inn near the Wizard spire. Their Dial-a-port was still several hours away, so the two decided to get some supper. Tekilya could not help but notice that the waitress was making eyes at him. After dinner and a few rounds of drinks, Tekilya and the waitress headed up stairs – heavy breathing, sounds of ecstasy, screams of pleasure – all the while Filbus sat in the corner playing with his rock collection and sipping Virgin Shirley Temples.



**BOOOOOOOM** Startled, Tekilya threw his robes on and grabbed his Jade Mace, a gift from Master Wu. Down stairs in the Inn, Kekephee squealed with glee has he grabbed Filbus by the throat and dragged him towards the door. Tekilya burst into his forms, weaving in and out and obliterating Kekephee’s minions. That is until his Jade Mace cracked against a Staff of Shielding. With a dead look in his eyes, an unknown Monk met Tekilya’s gaze. “This one is mine” he said, and suddenly everything went dark for Tekilya. His last vision was that of the Dark Monk and Kekephee racing at Bard speed towards the nearby Wizard Spire.



When Tekilya came to, he noticed a headband laying on the ground – “Chest <BDA>” was written on the inseam. What was this BDA? Who was this Chest? What had Tekilya stumbled into? All he knew was that his friend Filbus had been taken – and that would not stand. Gathering his gear, Tekilya walked into the night towards Highpass Hold. The next few weeks would prove to test the limits of his endurance…





The Lost Adventure of Filbus Furyfoot and Tekilya Wu’Tang Part 3 – “Un-Freeport”





Thirty one days. Thirty one days it had taken Tekilya to climb the fabled High Pass Mountains and arrive in Kithicor Forest. The Gnolls and Orcs of High Pass had proven to be a powerful enemy. But in the end they were no match for a disciple of Master Wu. During this time Tekilya had united the locals of the area and fought the Orcs and Gnolls to their knees. The local High Shaman had wanted to crown Tekilya as King, and countless nobles had offered their daughters with a lust for power burning in their eyes. But the life of a monk is one of servitude and disciple, not crowns and wealth. Rumors were that Captain Bosec was going to build a Keep in honor of King Tekilya – High Hold Keep they would call it, but that is another story altogether. After turning down the crown and implementing a democracy, Tekilya continued his journey to Freeport. Clinching the headband of Chest in his hands, Tekilya reminded himself that there were debts that needed collecting.



The road from Kithicor to Freeport was without incident, and it was not long before Tekilya found himself on the grounds of the Ashen Order, face to face with Master Wu. Wu had traveled to Freeport after the Dial-a-Port Wizard had informed him that no one was at the spires for the pickup so many weeks ago. After a brief reunion with Wu, Tekilya was updated on what had happened in the last 30 days….



Evil was afoot in Norrath, songs of war were being sang, and children were dying by the drove. The injustices of the world can be summed up in those 3 words – “Children are dying”. A horde of cannibals had come from the Ocean of Tears and invaded Norrath. Tekilya’s breath caught in this throat when Wu told him the description of the leader, a dark monk with a fetish for children. Chest Rockwell. Chest had starting calling the invasion “The Zerg of Purity”, and he would shout from roof tops that this was the future of Norrath – that you might call this the New World Order of Norrath – Bregen D’Aerth.



As Tekilya was absorbing the news that war had come, Wu told him about poor Filbus. Kekephee had assumed the title of Herald of the Zerg and would run through the streets singing his songs of rage while a nude Filbus was dragged behind him in chains. Three times a day Filbus performed donkey shows in the town square to entertain the locals as Kekephee preached the tenants of the BDA Code of Conduct. Tekilya was told that Filbus no longer spoke. When he was addressed directly in any manner, Filbus would simply fall to his knees, close his eyes, and open his mouth as tears started streaming down his face.



It was at this time that Tekilya’s Inner Flame ignited. Master Wu had taught him how to turn on his Inner Flame for short durations of time while in battle, but this time was different. This time the flame only grew stronger as time passed. Consumed with rage, Tekilya discovered that BDA had formed a partnership with the evil Noble Djorn. The Plane of Sky was a staging ground to not only attack Freeport, but all of Norrath. From the clouds no one would be safe, not as long as Kekephee and Chest lived.



Master Wu saw the look in Tekilyas eyes and smiled. “Ah my son, I see the fury of the Wu’Tang has awoken in you. The last time the spirit of our ancestors intervened so directly, nations were crushed and Kerafyrm the Destroyer was put to sleep. I take pity on the Zerg now.” And with that Master Wu started walked away. With one last glance back to Tekilya, Wu whispered “Save him Tekilya, save the Halfling”. Master Wu vanished into the shadows.



Meanwhile in Plane of Sky…



“Dance piggy, dance!” *Kekephee cracks whip*



Smiling smugly, Kekephee remove his gimp mask as he walked over the corpse of the Noble Djorn to stand beside his master, Lord Chest. The alliance between Sky and BDA had not lasted long. As soon as The Zerg had access to the plane, it was but a matter of time before they had taken it over completely. Under the critical eye of Chest Rockwell, BDA officers now plotted the takeover of all of Norrath. As the officers were discussing plans and wiping grease from their foreheads, a shimmering light appeared next to the throne. As the portal opened, an obese Ogre came hobbling through, coughing violently. Chest stood to backhand the intruder, but then he froze in terror and kneeled. “BOW FAGGOTS” Chest roared as High Lord Fatnar ascended the steps towards the throne. “We have a problem Cuck” Fatnar said as he stared down at Chest. “There is a monk in Freeport that has the potential to ruin all of our plans, dispose of him immediately”.



“Yes Sire” Chest replied.



And with that Chest summoned his disciples…….

Kekephee, Herald of the Zerg, High Prince of Pedophilia, King of Grease

Juevento, Lord Chests #1 Cuck, Bringer of AIDS

Trolololol, Ambassador of Embarrassment and Failed Troll Posts

Rebbon, Leader of Propaganda, Batphones, and Faggotry



“CUCKS” Chest roared – “To Freeport to dispose of this monk….and take that “thing” with you”. Filbus then lost control of his bowls as Chest gazed upon him. The next few hours would change the face of Norrath forever.





The Lost Adventures of Filbus Furyfoot and Tekilya Wu’Tang Part 4 – “LOVE Is A Four Letter Word”





Tekilya stared at the scene in front of him with cold disregard. The BDA Zerg was here by the thousands, devouring the sky plane as maggots would a bloated corpse. From the outside you would see nothing but an emotionless, perfectly chiseled body glistening in the sunlight, staring at nothing and everything all at once. But if you could see inside, well, you would see an indomitable will made of cold molten iron that burned with the intensity of the gods themselves.



“Enough” Tekilya whispered to himself. Then as the intensity grew wilder, more out of control, he found himself running towards island 1.5 screaming- “ENOOOOOOOOOOUGH”, and with that he launched himself into the air, into the clouds themselves.



The Zerg noticed the intruder as he landed in a cloud of dust, slowly standing and taking full measure of the BDA officer core. In the blink of an eye the fury of the Wu’Tang was unleashed.



Kekephee’s mind did not even register that Tekilya had moved, let alone that his staff had just crushed the left side of his head into a shattered pulp. Blood and feces poured from Kekephee as his limp body was then, for the lack of a better word, punted from the island. Kekephee did not even have time to start screaming before his body was well on its way to a watery grave in Western Freeport Bay. But Kekephee would not perish this day, rather he would become a disfigured villain and one of Tekilya greatest foe’s, but that tale is for another time.



All at once Juevento and Trolololol realized they were in trouble and started to run. But no quick enough. With a thrust, Tekilya stabbed his staff through Jueventos genitalia and out his rectum. Gasping his last breaths, Tekilya punch a hand into Jueventos chest and ripped his still beating heart out. Taking a bite of the still pulsing heart, Tekilya smiled as he discarded the left overs onto the floor. Fast as a viper Tekilya activated his White Lotus Bracer and launched a volley of surikens at Trolololol. The surikens hit just as Trolololol had tried jumping from the island, pinning him to the building in midair. “Stick around” Tekilya said as he delivered a fatal round house kick that literally ripped Trololol apart at the waist.



Rebbon had started CoTHing BDA members to the island the second Tekilyas attack had started, but in mere seconds his force was decimated. Rebbon fell to his knees pleading for his life. But mercy was not the way of the Wu’Tang. Tekilya picked Rebbon up over his head, and with a scream of rage he ripped Rebbon in half. Holding Rebbon’s torso, the mage whispered “please….no more”, and so Tekilya ripped his throat out in mercy.



Tekilya saw motion out of the corner of his eye….FILBUS! The Halfling was running to hide behind the throne. But if Filbus was there, where was Ches- ….Darkness took Tekilya as Chests mace smashed into the back of his head.



“Very good Cuck, very good” Fatnar said as he wobbled over to the unconscious body of Tekilya. “This one had me worried for a moment”



“No more” bellowed High Wizard Calias. With a start, Fatnar and Chest looked over and were stunned silent by the gleaming warriors that had assembled behind Calias. These were not normal warriors, these looked like Hero’s from a story book. Wielding weapons and armor BDA had never even seen before, Chest stood in awe as he gazed at the most beautiful and well geared woman he had ever laid eyes upon, Florid Lotus.



From the back of the group a drunken bard in magnificent armor and a sword that seemed to sing on its own asked “Are we here to fuck or fight, because I could do either right about now”.



“Shut up Dyzzi” Pint said as he surveyed the scene. He noticed Chest had started to urinate in the back corner of the throne room. “Hey, you with the tiny cock in your hand, drop it and surrender”



And all at once the Asgardians charged. The BDA Zerg was in such awe of the warriors that none could even fight back until it was too late. Their Primal Weapons and Epics were more than a match for the bronze armor and Rusty Short Swords of the BDA zerg. They came as warrior of pure light in a dark world, purging the Zerg with absolute justice. Chest could do nothing to stop it.



As a final act of defiance, Chest picked up Tekilyas body and threw it over the edge of the island. “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA, THE ZERG SHALL LIVE FOREVER”, and Chest slit his own throat and tumbled to the ground. Little did anyone know, he was only Feigning Death.



With reflexes to rival that of Tekilya himself, Florid Lotus jumped from the island and sped through the air to catch Tekilya. As Florid impacted with the unconscious monk in midair, she flipped herself to the bottom of the pile to absorb the impact of the fast approaching ocean.



*SPLASH*



Florid swam to shore, dragging Tekilya behind her. As they regenerated, Tekilya finally regained consciousness. He opened his eyes to see the most beautiful woman he had ever gazed upon. “What is your name he asked”, he asked. Florid responded “Words are very unnecessary, they can only do harm”, and then she ferociously started unzipping Tekilyas trousers.



Tekilya the proceeded to have Florid in every way a man can have a woman, nothing was taboo or off limits, for hours the couple made love on the shores of Freeport, forgetting all the horrors of the world. A child would be conceived that day, twins actually, twins that would go on to greatness themselves. But as so many things are, that is an entire story in itself.



The Wheel of Time turns, and ages come and pass, leaving memories that become legend. Legends fade to myth, and even myth is long forgotten when the Age that gave it birth comes again. In one Age, called the third age by some, an Age yet to come, an age long passed, a wind rose in the Mist Thicket. This wind was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings or endings to the turning of the Wheel of Time. But this was *a* ending. The BDA Zerg was defeated by the Asgardian host, Kekephee the deformed bard licked his wounds in the shadows while plotting his revenge, Chest reorganized BDA and would be a threat for years to come, and last but not least – Filbus found happiness in the home of Florid Lotus and Tekilya Wu’Tang as indentured servant and man-slave to their child. But Filbus had been badly damaged mentally from his time with BDA, and soon a dark betrayal would happen when Filbus kidnaped Florid and Tekilyas son, but that tale my friends, is a whole new story.



Tekilya Wu’Tang – Immortal P99 Historian, Monk of The Celestial Fist, Descendant of the Shaolin Temple of the Wu’Tang Order, King of High Pass, Loyal husband to Florid Lotus, Father of Bollokks and Siza.

[Troubled]

yiKes

[Ménage à trois]

Robert Jordan is turning over in his grave

[indiscriminate_hater]

stopped reading at "the wheel of time"

[dafier]

[You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

[Spyder73]

TLDR Rebbon's death scene

Rebbon had started CoTHing BDA members to the island the second Tekilyas attack had started, but in mere seconds his force was decimated. Rebbon fell to his knees pleading for his life. But mercy was not the way of the Wu’Tang. Tekilya picked Rebbon up over his head, and with a scream of rage he ripped Rebbon in half. Holding Rebbon’s torso, the mage whispered “please….no more”, and so Tekilya ripped his throat out.

[arsenalpow]

Can't coth in sky, immersion ruined

[Spyder73]

TLDR Kekephee death sequence

Kekephee’s mind did not even register that Tekilya had moved, let alone that his staff had just crushed the left side of his head into a shattered pulp. Blood and feces poured from Kekephee as his limp body was then, for the lack of a better word, punted from the island. Kekephee did not even have time to start screaming before his body was well on its way to a watery grave in Western Freeport Bay. But Kekephee would not perish this day, rather he would become a disfigured villain and one of Tekilya greatest foe’s, but that tale is for another time

[Spyder73]

TLDR Chest death sequence

As a final act of defiance, Chest picked up Tekilyas body and threw it over the edge of the island. “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA, THE ZERG SHALL LIVE FOREVER”, and Chest slit his own throat and tumbled to the ground. Little did anyone know, he was only Feigning Death

[Spyder73]

TLDR Trololol and Juevento death sequence

All at once Juevento and Trolololol realized they were in trouble and started to run. But no quick enough. With a thrust, Tekilya stabbed his staff through Jueventos genitalia and out his rectum. Gasping his last breaths, Tekilya punch a hand into Jueventos chest and ripped his still beating heart out. Taking a bite of the still pulsing heart, Tekilya smiled as he discarded the left overs onto the floor. Fast as a viper Tekilya activated his White Lotus Bracer and launched a volley of surikens at Trolololol. The surikens hit just as Trolololol had tried jumping from the island, pinning him to the building in midair. “Stick around” Tekilya said as he delivered a fatal round house kick that literally ripped Trololol apart at the waist