The Last 2nd Breakfast In Rivervale

[d3r14k]

Tuluven was afire. The rage for the senseless murder and tragic loss of Merchant Nildar was still fresh on his thoughts. He could still see in his mind's eye the pools of wood elven blood left by Filbus, still wet and dripping through the gaps in the Kelethin wood down to the forest floor. "Filbus!? Bah!" Tuluven cursed his name aloud. "Protector of Rivervale!? BAH!" As if Rivervale needed protecting anyhow. Until now...

The vehemence Tuluven felt for Filbus drove him to his spellbook, frantically searching for the circle spell that hobbits often beggared him to cast when they were feeling even a tinge of homesickness. After finding and memorizing it, he tore it from his book, swearing to never cast it again ... unless someone offered more than 50pp, in which case he would stop what he was doing immediately and port them, as is DAP procedure.

Tuluven must have been blinded by indignation, for he did not even remember casting the spell, and only the soft crunch of leaves of the Misty Thicket under his feet reminded him of where he was. He crept northeast from the ring, as he had done hundreds of times, careful to not alert the bug-eradicating newbies that prowled the forest. They could alert the Lord of the Thicket of his coming ... and that must be avoided for now.

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Finally past the newbie sentries, Tuluven found himself staring down two Leatherfoot Deputies. How would he ever get past them? "That's right, they're autistic", he thought to himself. He threw a batwing crunchie on the ground and watched the two deputies squabble over it as he walked into the town.

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Tuluven then decided to don his shiny hat, because this was a special occasion ... or something.

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He stopped and looked about the town. Hobbits carting wheelbarrows of cheese, the soft chirping of the birds that had nestled in the top of Deeppockets' Fool's Gold tavern, the guffaw of Mayor Guffin that could be heard from across the town... Tuluven thought to himself that there must be another way. He glanced at the two deputies at the interior entrance and noticed them both smiling stupidly at him.

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"These are my friends", he thought to himself. "How could I be driven so far from balance, from the natural order?" He stood for a moment behind the nearest deputy and contemplated what to do next, though he already knew what had to be done.

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Tuluven grimaced, then plunged his scimitar into the back of Deputy Jeggins' neck, nearly severing his head in a single stroke. The deputy let out a whimpering gurgle and fell lifelessly to the ground in a heap. "Fuck all of you rotund, over-eating little bastards! Second breakfast is OVER!"

Deputy Goltin was caught off guard, dumbfounded. The pastry he was mindlessly grazing on fell from his lips as he drew his spear.

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Tuluven uttered some words, and a swarm of stinging insects made short work of the deputy. He must have been allergic or something, for after his death rattle was uttered, he pooted a small puddle of blood. Tuluven could not remember that ever happening before, but then again, hobbits are strange creatures.

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He then came to The Weary Foot Rest, which seemed to be the nicest establishment in this mudhole of a town, which wasn't saying much considering it looked like a toddler had made their sign. Also, Tuluven was a wolf now, because somehow that was more exciting. "Bork bork", he announced to the occupants, for this was the war cry of the Faydwer wolf.

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He tore them to shreds. It was too graphic to show, but I imagine it looked something like this:

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Finally, Tuluven cornered the last remaining hobbit. A pig-faced woman who cowered with fear.

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"WHERE IS FILBUS!?" Tuluven shouted at her.

"If I tell you...will you let me live?"

Tuluven nodded solemnly...

[d3r14k]

Credits to skarlorn and jakerees, two of the great story tellers of our time, for inspiration.

This of course forced me to include one mention of autism, one senseless ramble, and a minor mention of batwing crunchies.

[silo32]

did not read, lol

[skarlorn]

read, 5 starred, PUTS U ON THE LIST

[Baler]

There's some effort in this. Has ups and downs. I liked the photoshop.

careful with gore

[Canelek]

Solid effort. A good Rivervale massacre is worthwhile. I recall the first time I killed and maimed almost every inhabitant in 2000.

The Day the Music Died.

[Lhancelot]

For a first time effort on the forums I think it was a very solid well put together piece!

Writing was solid, and your photoshop skills are A+. Look forward to more. [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

You just need to add drugs or strong alcohol and your story writing will be right there on par with Skarlorn.

[d3r14k]

Originally Posted by silo32 [You must be logged in to view images. Log in or Register.]

did not read, lol

Luckily, I have also prepared reading material for people with a shorter attention span and limited reading comprehension.

[maskedmelon]

sad story, but was a fun read :3 nice work ^^

[d3r14k]

Tuluven left Rivervale, mostly ashamed of what he had done. As a final "fuck you" to Filbus, he cast a devastating fire spell on the stash of Jumjum juice, taking special care to destroy their brewing equipment.

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It didn't take long for the hobbits to discover what had happened, and they spread the news through their underground information networks.

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